My son has sadly inherited my temper. For reasons unknown to me, I'm also usually the only one on the receiving end of his tantrums. Some days I handle it better than others. Being constantly tested is wearing me down, however. I know he's intelligent, and I'm glad, but I'm getting tired.
I've checked out of almost everything in my life right now - have withdrawn back somewhat to the limits of what absolutely has to be done for survival. Am slowly trying to pick up the spinning plates that I used to have going, but I have to confess - I don't have the heart for it. I guess it's the depression, but part of my problem with getting all the plates spinning again is that I just really don't want to. I'm tired of my life, I want a different one. Anywhere take trade-ins?
And yet, in all this, don't think that I'm not grateful for everything I have. My husband, altho he's currently working too hard, is a wonderful man and the best partner I could ever ask for. My kids are healthy, and frequently nice. The federal program that pays for my position was renewed, so I still have a job. Work is also paying for me to get some sort of Microsoft certification (that may or may not be worth anything, but hey). My car still runs, I still have a place to live, and there's plenty of food in the pantry and fridge. My parents live in town, so we can help each other out. I have a few good friends, but I don't see them very often.
Right now the kids & I are doing the pomodoro method & trying to get this filthy cluttered apartment cleaned up some. I've got three more minutes to play, and then it's back to work. It worked pretty well yesterday.
Today, not as much.
With the extension of the $8000 tax credit to buy a house, I've been haphazardly looking for a place. I decided if we're going to go through the trouble of buying a house, it'll have to be worth it. At least 4 bedrooms. I found a place that I think we'd all really like - 5/3, on 3/4 of an acre, and affordable - only drawback? It's a 'manufactured home' and therefore hard as hell to finance.
I still need to sit down and write out the pros & cons of buying a trailer - you typically don't get equity, but we're renting now and not getting equity, so what the hell. It's a hell of a lot of space, too - over 2100 sq ft. We'd end up owning the property... I don't know. Part of me just wants to throw my hands up and go hide in the closet. That's probably why I'm sitting in front of the fire doing stupid shit on facebook with farms and islands and animals - hooray for avoidance.
Many hours later...
Okay, house still not anywhere near clean. Kids showered, teeth brush, girl lotioned & hair braided and both in bed - we'll see if they stay there. My wonderful awesome one of a kind irreplaceable husband is home (WOOHOO!) so I'm gone.
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