This is what I live with.

So the little boy & I sit down at the table to have breakfast. Dad has already finished eating and is reading the newspaper.

Dad says, somewhat to himself, "What a burden on the taxpayers..."
I say "You know, it's funny - I'll look at government programs that cost $85 million, and think DAMN that's a lot of money... and then I remember that they spend more than that on one plane."
Dad - "huh?" (yes, he has his hearing aid in)
I say "They spend more than 85 million dollars on ONE PLANE."

There is quiet for a bit while C & I eat.

Dad then says "You know, these programs trying to get rid of poverty... the Lord says we'll always have the poor with us."
I say "Yeah, but that's no reason not to try."

After a pause, I ask "Is that something Jesus said? I mean, in a red-letter bible, would that be in red text? Or is it just somewhere in the Bible?"
Dad replies "I'm not sure, it's somewhere in the Bible... there's a lot in the Bible."
I say "Yeah, it says you should stone people in the Bible, so forgive me for not going by it."

There is quiet for another little bit.

Dad then says "I forget where it says something about when women start dressing like men... maybe Revelations..." (Where the hell did this come from? I happen to be wearing a dress...)
I say "Yeah, and it also says that when a woman is menstruating she can't live with her family and has to go somewhere else because she's unclean."

(I was honestly hoping he was going to say something else about what teh Bible says, so I could reply with the point that the Bible says not to eat pork, either, and I'd not seen dad turning down the bacon lately.)

There is quiet again temporarily. Then dad says "You know what makes me angry? These addicts, these drunks, that lose their families, their jobs, their homes, and then expect the taxpayer to feed them and clothe them."
I say "Well, if we would get over ourselves and start treating it like the illness it is rather than a character flaw, there would probably be a lot less homeless people." (I have to repeat that for him.)
Dad - "You think it's an illness??! Pfft." (waves his hand dismissively, then proceeds to tell me a story of one of the guys he was in the army with who would repeatedly go get STINKING drunk, and dad would cart him back to the tent, and the guy would say "Boy, I wish I could be like you and stop drinking when it felt good!" And dad replied "You CAN!")
I say "Okay, given the choice between an addict or drunk continuing to drink, losing their job, their family, their house, and becoming homeless - and giving a person help so they stay productive members of society, which would you choose?"
Dad replies "Well, if helping them would DO anything..."
I say "well, that's the problem - we're not trying. It's like mental illness. I'm a mentally ill person. Is it an illness, or a character flaw? How do we treat it?"
Dad says "Mentally ill people should be in institutions where they can get treatment."
I stand up with my empty plate and say "Thanks, you can sign me up for one when you get around to it!" and take it to the kitchen, then on my way back past the table push my chair in. (Yes, I'm angry.)
Dad says "That's the problem with you! You fly off the handle! You've got this fiery temper!"
I interrupt him to say "Where do you think I got THAT from?"
He continues "You can't talk to you about anything!"
I get in his face and say, with quieter controlled anger, "Dad - I just told you I am a mentally ill person. You reply with 'mentally ill people should be put in institutions.' What am I supposed to take away from that??"
He makes a dismissive gesture with his hands and says "Oh, you're not mentally ill."


This is when I lose it.

I start shouting at him. "Oh, sure. Two suicide attempts and everything else, but I'm not mentally ill, I should just get over it, right? It's just a character flaw!"

J calms me down and talks to me after I storm out of the room with Dad. I told J that what I should have said when Dad said that you can't talk to me is "well, if the things you said weren't stupid, bigoted and uninformed, I would be able to talk!" He laughed and agreed. He said that I should tell dad that the plane my brother-in-law is on in the Air Force costs $100,000 to run for (I think) 12 hours - that's just the cost in fuel. damn.

The more time I spend with my father, the less I like him. Misogynistic, bigoted old fart. Love him, but don't like him.

If anybody would like to make my husband an incredible-I-can't-refuse job offer somewhere out of state, I'd like an excuse to move away...