I dropped by Cyborgirl's blog (like I do most days) and read her latest post... and it really got me thinking. I've been married three times now. I've dated quite a few men, before I lucked into J. And I have to say, men should take lessons in foreplay. So few of them have even the slightest clue about how to turn a woman on! My first husband - lord, what a nightmare. Only time I've ever fallen asleep during sex.
Here's a hint. If we women think the only reason you're initiating sex is so you can get off, we're usually a whole heck of a lot less likely to be into it. So men, here's some advice. Approach your woman with the intention of making her feel good. Plan not to get off yourself. In fact, TRY not to get off yourself. Make that session all about her. If she tries to return the favor, unless she's just uncontrollably horny & turned on and is jumping you, tell her no, to lie back and relax. If you do this often enough, guys, then I would bet the percentage of times the woman initiates sex would go up. Because then we know that you know that sex isn't all about you - it's a mutual pleasure thing. All you women out there - how many times have you & your man been having sex, and when he orgasms, it's over, whether you've peaked or not? Guys, you've got a tongue and two hands; if your penis is done for the night, that doesn't mean you're done! Do you not realize that that behaviour implies that you don't care if we orgasm or not? Which extrapolates to the whole "one woman is pretty much like another in the dark" idea and can make us feel pretty much like a convenient hole for you to fuck?
So now I'm wondering how to teach my son this when he's older... I think that's probably a conversation I should leave to his dad.
mostly pointless meanderings
Thursday, June 16, 2005
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2 comments:
A dear friend of mine told a story recently about a date she had with her b/f -- at the end of an evening of fancy dinner and entertainment she decided she wanted to go home and the fool actually said OUT LOUD
"I just spent $200 on you and I'm not even going to get laid!?"
Intimacy for me is about showing someone else how much I feel for them, sharing something that only they can enjoy with me only at that time. It's for no one else but us.
Point of fact is that there is NOTHING that turns me on more than making a woman feel incredible.
...that being said, there still are a lot of A-holes out there, and it's not like even the best guys (me included) don't do a-hole things now and then.
Not that I'm apologizing for Cyborgirl's dude or $200 boy or anything.. as far as I'm concerned -- those fools are on their own.
You know, that's the whole thing I wish I could change - so many people DO view it as a game. For some people it's subconscious, but others it's blatant. I swear, one of the classes that should be taught from pre-school on up to college is COMMUNICATION SKILLS. How to honestly exchange thoughts & emotions with people. That would take so much stress off of so many people... would probably help break down a lot of ignorance & bigotry, too.
My husband is borderline Asperger's, and he and I have had some really interesting conversations about how people interact, body language, etc. - it's certainly helped me to interact with HIM more straightforwardly. I think it's also helped me express myself better to others. And, honestly, it's made me less of a pushover. Couples not communicating is a major button of mine, and now I'm less likely to bend over backwards for extended periods of time for friends that are SO inept at communicating with me (or with their significant others, or even with themselves) when the flack ends up coming back on me... if YOUR lack of ability to communicate is making MY life hell, then I have to move on - I can't take the whole world on my shoulders.
And I have no idea if this response makes sense. I shouldn't try to do several things at once.
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