I firmly believe moms have a 6th sense. I don't know what it is that made me go look; maybe I heard something that my subconscious mind latched on to - but for whatever reason, I went into the kids' bedroom to see Moira dumping half the container of goldfish flakes into the tank. And all over the dresser. And the floor.
I tried to scoop out as many flakes as possible, realized that there was no way in hell I could get enough out, and ran to our local wally world (ugh) to get a new filter, some dechlorination stuff (as I didn't have time to let the water sit), and some stress-aid stuff.
Gandalf, Merry, Pippin, Gimli, Legolas, and Ernie (Christian re-christened Aragorn) have had the shock of their lives; hopefully they'll survive.
The fish food and all other fish stuff has been put on a newly-installed very high shelf on the wall.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Manic, or just not depressed?
Yesterday was great. Justin was at work all night and didn't get home until morning. Patrick offered to take me & the kids to Ice Age 2, which was perfect because then we'd be out of the house for a while so J could get some sleep. (Thank you for the movie, Uncle Patrick! It was a lot of fun, even with C so tired.) We dropped by Broadway to see if Uncle Ben was working - he was, and Uncle Noah was there too! Ben comped us lunch (Thanks, Uncle Ben! You're a sweetie - us broke people appreciate your generosity.) and then we went to Tar-zhea to get silverware. Uncle Patrick was feeling domestic. Amongst other things. (So do you like the silverware, or have you had a chance to use it? We can still go to BB&B if you want. {evil grin}) We drove thru Summerbrooke to see a friend's new house - you know, the neighborhood's okay, but most of the houses in there don't do much for me. I mean, they're obviously large and expensive, but... eh. We headed back home & broke out a puzzle while giving J a little longer to nap - I'm not sure why I picked a 1000 piece puzzle. I think I'm a masochist. Oh, who am I kidding? I love puzzles. After putting the kids to bed, we all geeked out with a D&D game. J's really coming along as a DM, and I was in a great mood and really into it. Didn't want to stop, in fact, so taking P home around 2am sucked. When I got back home, after J put Moira back to bed, we got some exercise and then headed for sleep.
That's the point at which I started thinking. The Wellbutrin seems to be doing well for me. So was I manic? Or just not depressed for the first time in forever? I felt like I did at the beginning of high school. Without the angst, mind you. I feel like writing. I used to write stories, and poetry... heck, my stories won awards... but I've not felt really creative in a long while. My libido seems to be coming back. {grin} I don't look at all the things around me and feel overwhelmed - I just feel like shrugging and saying, 'well, better get started!' I explained it to J that it was as though I'd been wearing sunglasses for so long I'd forgotten they were on there, and then took them off, and OMG, it's BRIGHT out here!
But maybe I'm rationalizing. Maybe these are manic spikes. Maybe it's dangerous to enjoy them too much. I feel like singing... I feel like dancing... I can say "this is the first day of the rest of my life" and it doesn't make me feel tired! I made six custard pies the other day; there are still 3 1/2 in the fridge. (I need to deliver them to my parents' house.) I want to plant a garden, and some flowers... it's spring... I almost feel like I'm in love; it's that giddy happiness you have when you look at the world. Do normal people sometimes feel like this? Should I be worried?
Those of you reading who aren't familiar with bipolar disorder may be saying "Hey, what's the big deal? You feel good! Enjoy it!" On some level, I am. Man, it sucks that an illness can make you WORRIED when you're happy. When I'm manic, I'm a lot more likely to do stupid, reckless things. I bite off more than I can chew. I overextend myself. My inhibitions are lowered. My emotions are more open to the world - and those of you who know me, know I wear my heart on my sleeve as it is - becoming MORE exposed sorta makes me tremble to think about.
And that seems to describe me lately.
But then there's the voice inside my head - the one most depressives have, that says "What if this is not an illness, not some sort of brain chemical imbalance, but just evidence that you're an awful person? That you're selfish and undisciplined and lazy? What if this is just a particularly awful character flaw? Am I copping out; blaming a mental illness for being a horrid bitch? What is wrong with me that I can't control my feelings more; that I can't behave normally? On some level do I WANT to be diagnosed as mentally ill because it gives me license to misbehave?"
Okay, wow, that did a good job of bringing me down.
But after going and re-reading this post, I don't feel beaten down. I look out my back door, and think that while I don't begrudge any creature having happy sex, I do wish the oak trees weren't spooging all over everything. (How's THAT for a mental picture?) I'm glad I don't have pollen allergies.
However, now that I've used this space to babble and generally attempt to explore the inside of my skull, I do really need to get to work on this house - it's been a constant source of stress (along with finances) and if I can just get it a little less cluttered I'd be happier. I'm even planning on taking stuff over to Kaye's for her giant garage sale, whenever that ends up being held.
And to totally geek out (like playing D&D all hours of the night isn't geeky enough, right?) I cannot WAIT to see West Wing tonight!!!! {bounces off}
That's the point at which I started thinking. The Wellbutrin seems to be doing well for me. So was I manic? Or just not depressed for the first time in forever? I felt like I did at the beginning of high school. Without the angst, mind you. I feel like writing. I used to write stories, and poetry... heck, my stories won awards... but I've not felt really creative in a long while. My libido seems to be coming back. {grin} I don't look at all the things around me and feel overwhelmed - I just feel like shrugging and saying, 'well, better get started!' I explained it to J that it was as though I'd been wearing sunglasses for so long I'd forgotten they were on there, and then took them off, and OMG, it's BRIGHT out here!
But maybe I'm rationalizing. Maybe these are manic spikes. Maybe it's dangerous to enjoy them too much. I feel like singing... I feel like dancing... I can say "this is the first day of the rest of my life" and it doesn't make me feel tired! I made six custard pies the other day; there are still 3 1/2 in the fridge. (I need to deliver them to my parents' house.) I want to plant a garden, and some flowers... it's spring... I almost feel like I'm in love; it's that giddy happiness you have when you look at the world. Do normal people sometimes feel like this? Should I be worried?
Those of you reading who aren't familiar with bipolar disorder may be saying "Hey, what's the big deal? You feel good! Enjoy it!" On some level, I am. Man, it sucks that an illness can make you WORRIED when you're happy. When I'm manic, I'm a lot more likely to do stupid, reckless things. I bite off more than I can chew. I overextend myself. My inhibitions are lowered. My emotions are more open to the world - and those of you who know me, know I wear my heart on my sleeve as it is - becoming MORE exposed sorta makes me tremble to think about.
And that seems to describe me lately.
But then there's the voice inside my head - the one most depressives have, that says "What if this is not an illness, not some sort of brain chemical imbalance, but just evidence that you're an awful person? That you're selfish and undisciplined and lazy? What if this is just a particularly awful character flaw? Am I copping out; blaming a mental illness for being a horrid bitch? What is wrong with me that I can't control my feelings more; that I can't behave normally? On some level do I WANT to be diagnosed as mentally ill because it gives me license to misbehave?"
Okay, wow, that did a good job of bringing me down.
But after going and re-reading this post, I don't feel beaten down. I look out my back door, and think that while I don't begrudge any creature having happy sex, I do wish the oak trees weren't spooging all over everything. (How's THAT for a mental picture?) I'm glad I don't have pollen allergies.
However, now that I've used this space to babble and generally attempt to explore the inside of my skull, I do really need to get to work on this house - it's been a constant source of stress (along with finances) and if I can just get it a little less cluttered I'd be happier. I'm even planning on taking stuff over to Kaye's for her giant garage sale, whenever that ends up being held.
And to totally geek out (like playing D&D all hours of the night isn't geeky enough, right?) I cannot WAIT to see West Wing tonight!!!! {bounces off}
Friday, April 07, 2006
New additions to the family
I don't know if I mentioned it or not, but earlier this week I brought home 8 feeder goldfish for the tank in the kids' room. Two died before I came up with names, but now that I've figured out what the rest of their names are, I know the name of at least one of the deceased ones.
The white one is Gandalf. The white and orange one is Legolas. The muddy-calico one is Gimli (he's the smallest). The two gold metallic ones are Merry & Pippin, one's stouter and the other has a longer tail. The biggest one, the prototypical orange goldfish, is Aragorn.
So at least one of the ones that died was Boromir. I'm not sure who the 2nd one was. Probably Sam or Frodo.
The white one is Gandalf. The white and orange one is Legolas. The muddy-calico one is Gimli (he's the smallest). The two gold metallic ones are Merry & Pippin, one's stouter and the other has a longer tail. The biggest one, the prototypical orange goldfish, is Aragorn.
So at least one of the ones that died was Boromir. I'm not sure who the 2nd one was. Probably Sam or Frodo.
feast or famine
Woke up today, said the hell with it, and went back to sleep. Didn't even take Moira to school.
Yesterday, however, was another story. I knew I was on a semi-manic upswing when I woke up at 3:30ish and decided that rather than going back to sleep I wanted to work on my webpage. At 5:15, J woke up and told me to go the hell back to sleep, so I did. Then got up at 6 something, took a shower, got the kids' clothes laid out, got dressed, and laid back down. Got up later, took M to school, dropped off mom's old battery at the place on West Tennessee St. (since I was over there), then went & made breakfast for dad. Then took nap with C, then went to pick up Moira, then took lunch to J (because he'd run out of gas), then went grocery shopping at Publix for family, then took the groceries to Aunt Anne, then dropped by Albertsons for the last 3 things Publix didn't have, then took groceries to my parents' house, then met Patrick at his apartment to take him to an appt (I was early! What a shock), then went and picked up J, then went home, and J went & picked up Patrick at 6:30 and brought him back to our house, I made dinner, we all ate, J bathed & put the kids to bed & I took P home.
I think that's why I'm tired now.
At this point, I don't want more hours in every day. I'd just fill them up, and days like this tire me out already. I want four or five of me. Where's a rogue cloner when you need one? Or a teleporter that I can make malfunction, then merge all the copies back together afterwards....
Yesterday, however, was another story. I knew I was on a semi-manic upswing when I woke up at 3:30ish and decided that rather than going back to sleep I wanted to work on my webpage. At 5:15, J woke up and told me to go the hell back to sleep, so I did. Then got up at 6 something, took a shower, got the kids' clothes laid out, got dressed, and laid back down. Got up later, took M to school, dropped off mom's old battery at the place on West Tennessee St. (since I was over there), then went & made breakfast for dad. Then took nap with C, then went to pick up Moira, then took lunch to J (because he'd run out of gas), then went grocery shopping at Publix for family, then took the groceries to Aunt Anne, then dropped by Albertsons for the last 3 things Publix didn't have, then took groceries to my parents' house, then met Patrick at his apartment to take him to an appt (I was early! What a shock), then went and picked up J, then went home, and J went & picked up Patrick at 6:30 and brought him back to our house, I made dinner, we all ate, J bathed & put the kids to bed & I took P home.
I think that's why I'm tired now.
At this point, I don't want more hours in every day. I'd just fill them up, and days like this tire me out already. I want four or five of me. Where's a rogue cloner when you need one? Or a teleporter that I can make malfunction, then merge all the copies back together afterwards....
Thursday, April 06, 2006
4 am and all is well
I still would like to have an extra ten hours or so in every day... but I'm going to do what I can to use what I've got.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
I am generally a fan of Benjamin Franklin
but this daylight savings time thing? Not so much.
Got home, J & I made dinner, fed everybody, then went for walk (YAY!) then back home, bath, and bed. Kids were in bed by 8:30. And J & I fell asleep too. (Which is probably why it's 1:40am and I'm up. I'd not been sleeping very deeply anyway, and I remembered I'd not put all the food away.)
Read the kids Animalia by Graeme Base (forgive any misspellings, it's late) before bed. Is it only my obsessive compulsive bent that makes me want to sit down and make a list of everything I see on every page? If you've not seen it, go look, and you'll see what I mean.
I love my cat, but if he kneads me with his claws in my thigh one more time I'm going to throw him off my lap.
So DeLay is not only not running for re-election, but he's vacating his seat early! It's like Christmas in April. Anybody wanna take bets on what his former chief of staff (who just pleaded guilty to taking gifts from lobbyists in exchange for getting DeLay to vote certain ways) is going to say DeLay was in on?
I was just reading stuff linked from HuffPo, but I don't have the mental fortitude to read about the political eulogies created for Delay by his fellow republicans, or about the analysis of Bush's tax cuts (I got to the "for taxpayers with incomes greater than $10 million" and my head started to hurt)... so the hell with it, it's almost 3am, I'm going back to sleep.
Got home, J & I made dinner, fed everybody, then went for walk (YAY!) then back home, bath, and bed. Kids were in bed by 8:30. And J & I fell asleep too. (Which is probably why it's 1:40am and I'm up. I'd not been sleeping very deeply anyway, and I remembered I'd not put all the food away.)
Read the kids Animalia by Graeme Base (forgive any misspellings, it's late) before bed. Is it only my obsessive compulsive bent that makes me want to sit down and make a list of everything I see on every page? If you've not seen it, go look, and you'll see what I mean.
I love my cat, but if he kneads me with his claws in my thigh one more time I'm going to throw him off my lap.
So DeLay is not only not running for re-election, but he's vacating his seat early! It's like Christmas in April. Anybody wanna take bets on what his former chief of staff (who just pleaded guilty to taking gifts from lobbyists in exchange for getting DeLay to vote certain ways) is going to say DeLay was in on?
I was just reading stuff linked from HuffPo, but I don't have the mental fortitude to read about the political eulogies created for Delay by his fellow republicans, or about the analysis of Bush's tax cuts (I got to the "for taxpayers with incomes greater than $10 million" and my head started to hurt)... so the hell with it, it's almost 3am, I'm going back to sleep.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
tipsy posts are almost as much fun as drunk posts
Warning: strong language
Why do they call it strong language, I wonder? Anyway, I'm about to start a D&D game (woohoo!) at Uncle Patrick's house, and I just have to vent some.
Oh my god, how fucking stupid do you have to be? Okay, so mom's battery seems to have died. So I plugged it up to the trickle charger, and we left dad's car (that we've been using as our 2nd car) so they'd have a reliable transportation device. So we're taking the kids to Springtime Tallahassee, we're at the parade, and my cellphone rings. It's mom; I couldn't hear her because she was on her speakerphone at home. (How many times have I explained the difference between full duplex and half duplex? Thank God I didn't have to go into it this time.) Anyway, so later I call her back and discover that she wants me to come to her house, and either drop off J or take the car myself to West Tennessee St. to this one particular place to get a battery.
Why the fuck drive a car with an unreliable battery across town? Just take the goddamned battery out of the car, get into the OTHER car, and go get a replacement. This is on top of her saying that she was cancelling Sue & I taking her out to dinner for her birthday because she didn't have the time. Fucking A, she can't take enough time to go out to dinner for her birthday because she has too many papers to grade. So when J & I were pointing out that she could just take the battery out (all you need is a wrench) she was grumpy and said "Thanks for your help, goodbye" and hung up.
I managed not to throw the phone, but that was only because I was driving.
No, I'm sorry, I don't feel like being helpful when you're being a FUCKING MORON about it. First of all, why the fuck do I have to drive all the way out to goddamned West Tennessee street? It's not like there aren't places that sell batteries everyfuckingwhere. Second of all, why the hell should I take the car that has stranded you twice?
So tomorrow is the family get-together at the father-in-law's place. Not gonna be there! I guess I should be nice and tell him we're not coming - the message he left us was saying that it was so Andy & Megan & the boys could say goodbye to everybody, basically - so I'm not sure; I can't exactly say "no, we're not coming - they don't want to see us anyway" because then that opens up the whole conversation as to why Andy isn't speaking to me. And while I don't blame him for not speaking to me, I think him saying that he won't be anywhere I or J is going to be is just retarded - I mean, what the hell kind of actor are you if you can't be in a family gathering and pretend everything is hunky-dory? {evil grin} He's been doing it for years! Of course, there is that bitchy side of me that says "oooh, go, and fuck with them" but it's just not worth the time or stress. Besides, they have enough problems without having to deal with obnoxious family members.
I'm going to take my progressively drunker self and go decide what I'm doing campaign-wise. Maybe I'll roll up a new character. Or just go shopping with this one. Hrm.
"the pear shaped tone!"
Why do they call it strong language, I wonder? Anyway, I'm about to start a D&D game (woohoo!) at Uncle Patrick's house, and I just have to vent some.
Oh my god, how fucking stupid do you have to be? Okay, so mom's battery seems to have died. So I plugged it up to the trickle charger, and we left dad's car (that we've been using as our 2nd car) so they'd have a reliable transportation device. So we're taking the kids to Springtime Tallahassee, we're at the parade, and my cellphone rings. It's mom; I couldn't hear her because she was on her speakerphone at home. (How many times have I explained the difference between full duplex and half duplex? Thank God I didn't have to go into it this time.) Anyway, so later I call her back and discover that she wants me to come to her house, and either drop off J or take the car myself to West Tennessee St. to this one particular place to get a battery.
Why the fuck drive a car with an unreliable battery across town? Just take the goddamned battery out of the car, get into the OTHER car, and go get a replacement. This is on top of her saying that she was cancelling Sue & I taking her out to dinner for her birthday because she didn't have the time. Fucking A, she can't take enough time to go out to dinner for her birthday because she has too many papers to grade. So when J & I were pointing out that she could just take the battery out (all you need is a wrench) she was grumpy and said "Thanks for your help, goodbye" and hung up.
I managed not to throw the phone, but that was only because I was driving.
No, I'm sorry, I don't feel like being helpful when you're being a FUCKING MORON about it. First of all, why the fuck do I have to drive all the way out to goddamned West Tennessee street? It's not like there aren't places that sell batteries everyfuckingwhere. Second of all, why the hell should I take the car that has stranded you twice?
So tomorrow is the family get-together at the father-in-law's place. Not gonna be there! I guess I should be nice and tell him we're not coming - the message he left us was saying that it was so Andy & Megan & the boys could say goodbye to everybody, basically - so I'm not sure; I can't exactly say "no, we're not coming - they don't want to see us anyway" because then that opens up the whole conversation as to why Andy isn't speaking to me. And while I don't blame him for not speaking to me, I think him saying that he won't be anywhere I or J is going to be is just retarded - I mean, what the hell kind of actor are you if you can't be in a family gathering and pretend everything is hunky-dory? {evil grin} He's been doing it for years! Of course, there is that bitchy side of me that says "oooh, go, and fuck with them" but it's just not worth the time or stress. Besides, they have enough problems without having to deal with obnoxious family members.
I'm going to take my progressively drunker self and go decide what I'm doing campaign-wise. Maybe I'll roll up a new character. Or just go shopping with this one. Hrm.
"the pear shaped tone!"
Monday, March 27, 2006
Is it Friday yet?
Woke up an hour late.
Mom called & told me not to worry about picking up the crown molding for her lab, that she could do it tomorrow.
J took Moira to school. (She was late.)
I went to parents' house, made dad & C breakfast. (French toast, yum.)
Went to psych appt. (Was late.)
Learned can't have C with me at appt, filled out paperwork, will reschedule when I have a babysitter.
Went by mom's school to drop off some of her papers.
Went back to parents' house, warmed up lunch for C, paid some bills with dad.
Went to counselor's appt.
Went to J's work, picked up him & car seat.
Got lunch with J on way to picking up Moira from school.
Took J back to his office.
Went back to parents' house to check on dad, waited for mom to get home.
Waited for J to get there, left to go home.
***EDIT***
Not sure how I forgot this... on way home, car ran out of gas. Coasted into gas station after dying in middle of intersection. (J & I had switched cars; he told me it needed gas, and MAN did it need gas - barely got to the darn gas station.)
**********
Arrived home, found power was off.
Drove looking for a network to get on to pay power bill.
Paid power bill, had 2 hours to kill before power was turned back on.
Went to Uncle Patrick's house (THANK YOU!) and watched tv.
Went home - power on! Yay! Came inside, went to bed.
What a way to start the week, you know? How was YOUR monday?
Mom called & told me not to worry about picking up the crown molding for her lab, that she could do it tomorrow.
J took Moira to school. (She was late.)
I went to parents' house, made dad & C breakfast. (French toast, yum.)
Went to psych appt. (Was late.)
Learned can't have C with me at appt, filled out paperwork, will reschedule when I have a babysitter.
Went by mom's school to drop off some of her papers.
Went back to parents' house, warmed up lunch for C, paid some bills with dad.
Went to counselor's appt.
Went to J's work, picked up him & car seat.
Got lunch with J on way to picking up Moira from school.
Took J back to his office.
Went back to parents' house to check on dad, waited for mom to get home.
Waited for J to get there, left to go home.
***EDIT***
Not sure how I forgot this... on way home, car ran out of gas. Coasted into gas station after dying in middle of intersection. (J & I had switched cars; he told me it needed gas, and MAN did it need gas - barely got to the darn gas station.)
**********
Arrived home, found power was off.
Drove looking for a network to get on to pay power bill.
Paid power bill, had 2 hours to kill before power was turned back on.
Went to Uncle Patrick's house (THANK YOU!) and watched tv.
Went home - power on! Yay! Came inside, went to bed.
What a way to start the week, you know? How was YOUR monday?
Saturday, March 25, 2006
You can have one - ONE! - at a time!!!
#(*$&@(%&(@#$&
My son is much worse than my daughter was - inevitably, he's nursing on one breast, and feels the need to tweak the other nipple. I've managed not to break his fingers yet, but I've been tempted.
Yesterday was entertaining. Patrick and Justin cleaned out the den! We now have an adult room. A place to put puzzles, woohoo! In the process of putting boxes of not-gotten-unpacked-or-sorted crap into the shed for the near future, J found one of my old keychain mace things, and handed it to Patrick saying "Wanna mace somebody?" Patrick, who is roughly half deaf, didn't quite get what J was saying, and as he messed with the thing, maced J in the face.
So I'm in the back bedroom trying to put the kids down for a nap, and Patrick comes back and says don't worry, but I've maced your husband. (That explains that sound out back that sounds like projectile retching, I think to myself.)
It's never dull around here, you know?
My son is much worse than my daughter was - inevitably, he's nursing on one breast, and feels the need to tweak the other nipple. I've managed not to break his fingers yet, but I've been tempted.
Yesterday was entertaining. Patrick and Justin cleaned out the den! We now have an adult room. A place to put puzzles, woohoo! In the process of putting boxes of not-gotten-unpacked-or-sorted crap into the shed for the near future, J found one of my old keychain mace things, and handed it to Patrick saying "Wanna mace somebody?" Patrick, who is roughly half deaf, didn't quite get what J was saying, and as he messed with the thing, maced J in the face.
So I'm in the back bedroom trying to put the kids down for a nap, and Patrick comes back and says don't worry, but I've maced your husband. (That explains that sound out back that sounds like projectile retching, I think to myself.)
It's never dull around here, you know?
Thursday, March 23, 2006
It's started already
It's a lovely early spring rainy day. I generally like this kind of weather. Yesterday I started the medication switch, and it's amazing how quickly I feel an effect. Last night's dreaming was full of anger and depression and paranoia... and betrayal... first dream I was in a mental institution, and angry at the doctor telling me what to do or what was wrong with me. I remember yelling at him as I went to take a shower that if the world didn't suck so bad I'd be perfectly fine. He & J were agreeing about something. After J woke me up coming back to bed from finally getting M to sleep (and I'd probably been asleep an hour at most) I had a dream about being in the military with my husband and him deciding to do something that involved him being shipped away from me, and being fawned on by young enlisted women... and in both dreams, oddly enough, sex got interrupted. I just realized that.
Listening to the sound of the rain was nice last night, however. I was a little wound up thinking about my parents and all I need to get done, and couldn't relax easily. I'm about to go take a nice, long shower with some yummy smelling body wash I got on clearance.
Listening to the sound of the rain was nice last night, however. I was a little wound up thinking about my parents and all I need to get done, and couldn't relax easily. I'm about to go take a nice, long shower with some yummy smelling body wash I got on clearance.
tired posts aren't anywhere near as fun as drunk posts
If the time stamp on this entry is correct, you'll see that I'm writing this at ten til 3. AM.
I just got back from my parents' house. Dad fell out of bed trying to get to the bathroom. Mom called a neighbor who helped her get him up (bless them; am dropping by a thank you card in the morning) and after dad messed up the bed, I brought underbed pads etc.
You'd think changing diapers for 3 years would make me immune to the smell of poo. I gotta say, 85 yr old man poo smells a lot different than toddler poo. Yikes.
Anyway, I'm just now beginning to get a taste of what it's going to be like to have elderly parents and be an only child. I've been worried about it for years, but I don't think I was prepared.
I'm now wondering how much that house down the street is listed at.
Sleepy time now. Must get myself more in order in the morning.
I just got back from my parents' house. Dad fell out of bed trying to get to the bathroom. Mom called a neighbor who helped her get him up (bless them; am dropping by a thank you card in the morning) and after dad messed up the bed, I brought underbed pads etc.
You'd think changing diapers for 3 years would make me immune to the smell of poo. I gotta say, 85 yr old man poo smells a lot different than toddler poo. Yikes.
Anyway, I'm just now beginning to get a taste of what it's going to be like to have elderly parents and be an only child. I've been worried about it for years, but I don't think I was prepared.
I'm now wondering how much that house down the street is listed at.
Sleepy time now. Must get myself more in order in the morning.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Well, it's a start
Last night is the first night I've gotten any restful sleep in three days. I still woke up feeling like I'd been beaten with a bar of soap in a sock, though.
Dad's coming home from rehab today! I hope he does okay at home; I'm probably going to be spending a lot of time over there.
I wonder if I can get Christian back to sleep....
Oh, and we celebrated with Uncle Patrick last night - happy days!
My doctor's appt. is tomorrow; we'll see how that goes.
Dad's coming home from rehab today! I hope he does okay at home; I'm probably going to be spending a lot of time over there.
I wonder if I can get Christian back to sleep....
Oh, and we celebrated with Uncle Patrick last night - happy days!
My doctor's appt. is tomorrow; we'll see how that goes.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Join the new adventure!
After several conversations with guy friends of mine over the last week or two, I decided to start a blog that's a collection of romantic ideas for people who seem to have trouble thinking something up.
Come share your ideas!
Come share your ideas!
My head hurts
Before I start my bitching, I do have to say that on the bright side, I did notice today for the first time this spring the wisteria blooming. So I started looking at all the flowers that were blooming... saw both white and purple wisteria! Woohoo!
Anyway, I'm tired of stupidity. Aren't you? I don't even feel like going into details now. Not worth it. As long as there are humans alive, there will be stupidity. Maybe that's what heaven is - the absence of stupidity.
And all the stupid drains to hell. Hell is other people. Other stupid people. But you know, if everybody in hell is stupid, then none of them would realize they were in hell...
Maybe we're in hell now. That would explain a lot.
Dad comes home from the rehab hospital tomorrow. I have to go tomorrow morning and install the bed risers, the toilet grab bars, and perhaps the shower seat - we might wait on that last one.
Anyway, I'm tired of stupidity. Aren't you? I don't even feel like going into details now. Not worth it. As long as there are humans alive, there will be stupidity. Maybe that's what heaven is - the absence of stupidity.
And all the stupid drains to hell. Hell is other people. Other stupid people. But you know, if everybody in hell is stupid, then none of them would realize they were in hell...
Maybe we're in hell now. That would explain a lot.
Dad comes home from the rehab hospital tomorrow. I have to go tomorrow morning and install the bed risers, the toilet grab bars, and perhaps the shower seat - we might wait on that last one.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
What a year
It's only March, but I feel like we've been running full tilt for most of the past 3 months.
Dad's still in the rehab hospital, but he's doing well, and he might get to come home this week. We need to do some work to the house to make it safer for him to come & go & move around - if you know a good local contractor, please let me know, as some of it is extensive work. (Both the bathrooms need to be replaced)
My brother came down this weekend with his wife and two kids - okay, well, half-brother. It was good to see him. Even if he is a republican.
My sister-in-law and her two kids are now in town... I'm not sure if she's talking to me or not, and I'm not in the mood to deal with drama, so hopefully things will go smoothly.
And the news du jour: my mood swings have started up again. *sigh* Well, I had three years of relative sanity, so hopefully I can use those as a sort of litmus test for where I'm at emotionally at any given point. I just realized that only part of the reason for my recent weight gain was that I'm a lazy couch potato that doesn't eat particularly well - the weight gain with zoloft is 15-20lbs. Urgh. Hard to not be depressed when you put on extra weight. :) I think I'll ask my doc about Wellbutrin. And J did some research and discovered that ultradian cycling might be caused by a thyroid imbalance, and that synthroid, when given to some people, balances out the mood swings - whether they've tested hypothyridic or not. So it looks like I have a few options; we'll see what happens.
As soon as I can afford to get a bicycle, I'm going to start riding again! I actually have three people that are willing to go riding with me (one of which being J, but he doesn't have a bike yet either) and I can't wait. I'm hoping to get the kids one of those bike trailer things so they can sit in it and ride along - them both being too young to _bike_ the St. Mark's trail with us, and I don't feel safe with a baby seat thing up on the bike. I'm not that coordinated.
Anybody got a bike they wanna donate?
Anyway, it's almost 11:30 and I need to go to sleep. I hope all is well with y'all out there in electronville; have a good week.
Dad's still in the rehab hospital, but he's doing well, and he might get to come home this week. We need to do some work to the house to make it safer for him to come & go & move around - if you know a good local contractor, please let me know, as some of it is extensive work. (Both the bathrooms need to be replaced)
My brother came down this weekend with his wife and two kids - okay, well, half-brother. It was good to see him. Even if he is a republican.
My sister-in-law and her two kids are now in town... I'm not sure if she's talking to me or not, and I'm not in the mood to deal with drama, so hopefully things will go smoothly.
And the news du jour: my mood swings have started up again. *sigh* Well, I had three years of relative sanity, so hopefully I can use those as a sort of litmus test for where I'm at emotionally at any given point. I just realized that only part of the reason for my recent weight gain was that I'm a lazy couch potato that doesn't eat particularly well - the weight gain with zoloft is 15-20lbs. Urgh. Hard to not be depressed when you put on extra weight. :) I think I'll ask my doc about Wellbutrin. And J did some research and discovered that ultradian cycling might be caused by a thyroid imbalance, and that synthroid, when given to some people, balances out the mood swings - whether they've tested hypothyridic or not. So it looks like I have a few options; we'll see what happens.
As soon as I can afford to get a bicycle, I'm going to start riding again! I actually have three people that are willing to go riding with me (one of which being J, but he doesn't have a bike yet either) and I can't wait. I'm hoping to get the kids one of those bike trailer things so they can sit in it and ride along - them both being too young to _bike_ the St. Mark's trail with us, and I don't feel safe with a baby seat thing up on the bike. I'm not that coordinated.
Anybody got a bike they wanna donate?
Anyway, it's almost 11:30 and I need to go to sleep. I hope all is well with y'all out there in electronville; have a good week.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
say that again?
%47%65%65%6B%73%20%6F%66%20%61%20%66%65%61%74%68%65%72%20%66%6C%6F%63%6B%20%74%6F%67%65%74%68%65%72%2E%20%20%49%66%20%79%6F%75%27%76%65%20%74%72%61%6E%73%6C%61%74%65%64%20%74%68%69%73%2C%20%79%6F%75%27%72%65%20%65%69%74%68%65%72%20%61%20%64%65%64%69%63%61%74%65%64%20%66%72%69%65%6E%64%2C%20%61%20%63%75%72%69%6F%75%73%20%67%65%65%6B%2C%20%6F%72%20%73%6F%6D%65%74%68%69%6E%67%20%69%6E%20%62%65%74%77%65%65%6E%2E%0D%0A%0D%0A%49%27%6D%20%67%6F%69%6E%67%20%74%6F%20%73%74%61%72%74%20%6C%6F%6F%6B%69%6E%67%20%66%6F%72%20%61%20%6A%6F%62%2C%20%73%6F%20%69%66%20%61%6E%79%20%6F%66%20%79%6F%75%20%6F%75%74%20%74%68%65%72%65%20%68%61%76%65%20%68%65%61%72%64%20%6F%66%20%6F%6E%65%20%49%20%6D%69%67%68%74%20%6C%69%6B%65%2F%62%65%20%67%6F%6F%64%20%61%74%2F%6D%61%6B%65%20%64%65%63%65%6E%74%20%6D%6F%6E%65%79%20%61%74%2C%20%6C%65%74%20%6D%65%20%6B%6E%6F%77%2C%20%6F%6B%61%79%3F%00
Have you seen Animal House?
Otter: Take it easy, I'm pre-law.
Boon: I thought you were pre-med.
Otter: What's the difference?
Those of you that know me know that for a long time I was aiming at med school. I'd thought about specializing as an ob/gyn - at least until I spent a good deal of time volunteering at an ob/gyn's office. I decided that midwifery was more my speed.
Lately I've been reconsidering. I've gotten so frustrated and fed up with politics that I've felt the urge to get involved and try to change it. (When I'm not so sick of other human beings that I just want to buy a private island and tell the rest of the planet to fuck off, that is.)
I'd been thinking about this quote by Otter, and worrying that perhaps people weren't going to take me seriously, and wondering why I seemed to have lost my desire to be a physician, and it suddenly occurred to me: I'm doing so much nurturing and caretaking now, the idea of doing it for a career exhausts me.
I've got two small children, a husband, two elderly parents, an elderly aunt... so we'll see what I decide to do when I'm actually able to go back to school.
Donations to my college fund are welcome. {wink}
Boon: I thought you were pre-med.
Otter: What's the difference?
Those of you that know me know that for a long time I was aiming at med school. I'd thought about specializing as an ob/gyn - at least until I spent a good deal of time volunteering at an ob/gyn's office. I decided that midwifery was more my speed.
Lately I've been reconsidering. I've gotten so frustrated and fed up with politics that I've felt the urge to get involved and try to change it. (When I'm not so sick of other human beings that I just want to buy a private island and tell the rest of the planet to fuck off, that is.)
I'd been thinking about this quote by Otter, and worrying that perhaps people weren't going to take me seriously, and wondering why I seemed to have lost my desire to be a physician, and it suddenly occurred to me: I'm doing so much nurturing and caretaking now, the idea of doing it for a career exhausts me.
I've got two small children, a husband, two elderly parents, an elderly aunt... so we'll see what I decide to do when I'm actually able to go back to school.
Donations to my college fund are welcome. {wink}
Monday, March 06, 2006
I'm not sure I'll ever sleep again
I wasn't reading any true crime stories or anything, but I had the most horrible, most detailed dreams about a serial killer...
Very. Detailed.
This is not an auspicious way to start the week...
Very. Detailed.
This is not an auspicious way to start the week...
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Guilty pleasure admittance ahead...
Once again, the Academy Awards show is upon us. I had forgotten that Jon Stewart was hosting this year; I was actually thinking of watching it for him.
It's 11:30pm, and what I'm doing is sitting on my laptop looking at pictures. My guilty pleasure is drooling over and criticizing the outfits.
My only problem is a lack of a person to babble to about this. So congratulations, you the reader get to hear it this year, because I feel like talking.
Judi Dench is such a classy lady. I like her outfit.
Felicity Huffman has A- cups; and that dress would probably go better on a woman with at least a LITTLE cleavage.
Selma Hayek, MROWR! Gorgeous color. Very flattering on her.
gotta go to bed... maybe more later.
It's 11:30pm, and what I'm doing is sitting on my laptop looking at pictures. My guilty pleasure is drooling over and criticizing the outfits.
My only problem is a lack of a person to babble to about this. So congratulations, you the reader get to hear it this year, because I feel like talking.
Judi Dench is such a classy lady. I like her outfit.
Felicity Huffman has A- cups; and that dress would probably go better on a woman with at least a LITTLE cleavage.
Selma Hayek, MROWR! Gorgeous color. Very flattering on her.
gotta go to bed... maybe more later.
Friday, March 03, 2006
amazing
The hospital has a guest wireless network. Bless them.
Note to all you parents and not-yet parents out there: HAVE MORE THAN ONE CHILD. When you get old, and need taking care of, your child will appreciate having siblings to call on for help.
And you siblings out there? If you have an elderly parent and one of your siblings lives in town and the rest of you don't, and something happens, you damn well should help in whatever way you can.
My brother is coming down next weekend, bless him.
And bless the friends & family around here who have helped out with my children while I'm trying to be a good daughter.
Note to all you parents and not-yet parents out there: HAVE MORE THAN ONE CHILD. When you get old, and need taking care of, your child will appreciate having siblings to call on for help.
And you siblings out there? If you have an elderly parent and one of your siblings lives in town and the rest of you don't, and something happens, you damn well should help in whatever way you can.
My brother is coming down next weekend, bless him.
And bless the friends & family around here who have helped out with my children while I'm trying to be a good daughter.
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