Am I thirty already?

Yes, you dope, and you're going to be thirty-one this year.

I was checking my email just a second ago and, getting nothing, (not even spam, amazingly) remembered when I was working for the Department of Labor... I was practically running a mailing list out of my cubicle. It had started off as a Gaelic language list, and a few of us had gotten too chatty, so we created a side list for off-topic conversations. I had a lot of what I would call friends on that list... one of them sent me a stained glass shamrock that I gave to Uncle Patrick this year. What sort of scares me is that I don't remember any of their names. In fact, were I to read my emails back and forth to them, not only would I not remember them, I wouldn't remember saying the things I'd typed.

I know this, not because I have any of those old emails, but because when I Google myself, I find myself popping up on messageboards and having conversations that I have no recollection of. NONE. Usually I'll remember having been active on that board, and having conversations/arguments - but none of the topics will ring any bells.

My brain works almost entirely on association. Take the trip home from swimming at Maclay today - we stopped at the grocery store; J & M went in - C was asleep in the back seat, so he & I just hung out in the car. I was entering data on the really nifty gift J had gotten as a handmedown technology gift and given to me (he knew I'd love it - it's an iPaq) and was entering John's info, having been thinking of him earlier (because he's a sweetie and is watching my kids for me while I go to a psych appt.) I actually had his birthday and his & Robin's anniversary in my phone calendar, and so then started entering Robin's info next. When J got back in the car, out of the blue (to him) I asked if Robin had gotten the Dean of Students job yet. Actually, I'm not even sure if I said "Dean of Students", I might just have said "job" - I forget that people I'm talking to haven't been privy to my train of thought. Needless to say, it took him a few moments of WTF? to catch up to where I was. The point of this little vignette was to show that for outsiders, even if it SOUNDS like I just made a comment out of left field on Mars, I actually DID have a path that got me there.

And the point of mentioning that was to say that even when I read these old arguments, 9 times out of 10 they don't trigger that kind of memory reflex. I'm thinking it might be scorched earth - times of extreme emotional stress blank out parts of my brain. I'm wondering if I'll ever get those memories back, or if they're gone for good...

Did I have a point? I'm not sure. I was a basket case last night and again this afternoon/early evening - I'm guessing it's PMS, as it's getting towards the end of the month. Last night I'd asked Patrick for a humongous favor - to let me practice face painting on him. (J having a beard, that kinda made using him more difficult.) I'd talked to Moira's teacher Nancy and since I used to draw things on the kids' hands every day at the end of school, but hadn't done it in weeks, I wanted to do something kinda special before they left - she said it would be great if I came Thursday and I could do painting then. So I've been perusing face painting sites; getting ideas and tips and looking at step-by-step instructions, and was getting kind of excited about it... which might explain why when Patrick basically laughed incredulously and said hell no, I was more upset than one would assume. (That and I had run out of patience earlier with children, and was getting somewhat emotional - not a good mix, that.) I forget if it were he or J that said that it just didn't sound like something that would be any fun for them. I said well, then the next time either of you asks me for a favor, if it doesn't sound like something that I might remotely enjoy, then you can both fuck off.

Emotional much? Yeah. I put the kids to bed and then stayed in the back by myself. J later told me that he was proud of me for telling him that I just couldn't be around people right now, and taking myself off the bench, so to speak - several years ago I wouldn't have been able to do that. He's right - not that it made me feel enormously better at the time, mind you. J said that game night with P went well and that they had a lot of fun, which I was glad to hear, because god knows I wasn't in the mood. [Stef, btw, I'm talking about Dungeons and Dragons gaming, I forgot I'd never clarified that for you. Yes, we are übergeeks.]

For those of you interested in face painting, there are some adorable and fricking amazing ones here.

It's now 2:07am, and I can't believe I'm still futzing around with my webpage and half watching old West Wings with J. I guess I'll sleep when I'm dead.

Blech

Got a phone call from school; had to go pick up Moira because there was some kind of electrical problem - no power.

I'm watching the video of the White House Correspondents' Banquet. I must say, the conspiracy theorist that lives in my brain says "hrm, interesting that Bush has offered to redo the press area, which means they'll have to move out this summer for some period of time... wonder if Bush et al is looking forward to the press not being as close?"

In reading more about the new book "Kingdom Coming: The Rise of Christian Nationalism" by Michelle Goldberg, I've become truly alarmed. Truly.

An excerpt:

A few days before Bush's second inauguration, The New York Times carried a story headlined "Warning from a Student of Democracy's Collapse" about Fritz Stern, a refugee from Nazi Germany, professor emeritus of history at Columbia, and scholar of fascism. It quoted a speech he had given in Germany that drew parallels between Nazism and the American religious right. "Some people recognized the moral perils of mixing religion and politics," he was quoted saying of prewar Germany, "but many more were seduced by it. It was the pseudo-religious transfiguration of politics that largely ensured [Hitler's] success, notably in Protestant areas."

It's not surprising that Stern is alarmed. Reading his forty-five-year-old book "The Politics of Cultural Despair: A Study in the Rise of the Germanic Ideology," I shivered at its contemporary resonance. "The ideologists of the conservative revolution superimposed a vision of national redemption upon their dissatisfaction with liberal culture and with the loss of authoritative faith," he wrote in the introduction. "They posed as the true champions of nationalism, and berated the socialists for their internationalism, and the liberals for their pacifism and their indifference to national greatness."

Fascism isn't imminent in America. But its language and aesthetics are distressingly common among Christian nationalists. History professor Roger Griffin described the "mobilizing vision" of fascist movements as "the national community rising Phoenix-like after a period of encroaching decadence which all but destroyed it" (his italics). The Ten Commandments has become a potent symbol of this dreamed-for resurrection on the American right.

True, our homegrown quasi-fascists often appear so absurd as to seem harmless. Take, for example, American Veterans in Domestic Defense, the organization that took the Ten Commandments on tour. The group says it exists to "neutralize the destructiveness" of America's "domestic enemies," which include "biased liberal, socialist news media," "the ACLU," and "the conspiracy of an immoral film industry." To do this, it aims to recruit former military men. "AVIDD reminds all American Veterans that you took an oath to defend the United States against all enemies, 'both foreign and domestic,'" its Web site says. "In your military capacity, you were called upon to defend the United States against foreign enemies. AVIDD now calls upon you to continue to fulfill your oath and help us defend this nation on the political front, against equally dangerous domestic enemies."

According to Jim Cabaniss, the seventy-two-year-old Korean War veteran who founded AVIDD, the group now has thirty-three chapters across the country. It's entirely likely that some of these chapters just represent one or two men, and as of 2005, AVIDD didn't seem large enough to be much of a danger to anyone.

Still, it's worth noting that thousands of Americans nationwide have flocked to rallies at which military men don uniforms and pledge to seize the reins of power in America on behalf of Christianity. In many places, local religious leaders and politicians lend their support to AVIDD's cause. And at least some of the people at these rallies speak with seething resentment about the tyranny of Jews over America's Christian majority.

"People who call themselves Jews represent maybe 2 or 3 percent of our people," Cabaniss told me after a January 2005 rally in Austin. "Christians represent a huge percent, and we don't believe that a small percentage should destroy the values of the larger percentage."

I asked Cabaniss, a thin, white-haired man who wore a suit with a red, white, and blue tie and a U.S. Army baseball cap, whether he was saying that American Jews have too much power. "It appears that way," he replied. "They're a driving force behind trying to take everything to do with Christianity out of our system. That's the part that makes us very upset."

Ed Hamilton, who'd come to the rally from San Antonio, interjected, "There are very wealthy Jews in high places, and they have significant control over a lot of financial matters and some political matters. They have disproportionate amount of influence in our financial structure."

And more:

Roy Moore and Rick Scarborough are Baptists, D. James Kennedy is a fundamentalist Presbyterian, and John Eidsmoe is a Lutheran. All of them, however, have been shaped by dominion theology, which asserts that, in preparation for the second coming of Christ, godly men have the responsibility to take over every aspect of society.

Dominion theology comes out of Christian Reconstructionism, a fundamentalist creed that was propagated by the late Rousas John (R. J.) Rushdoony and his son-in-law, Gary North. Born in New York City in 1916 to Armenian immigrants who had recently fled the genocide in Turkey, Rushdoony was educated at the University of California at Berkeley and spent over eight years as a Presbyterian missionary to Native Americans in Nevada. He was a prolific writer, churning out dense tomes advocating the abolition of public schools and social services and the replacement of civil law with biblical law. White-bearded and wizardly, Rushdoony had the look of an Old Testament patriarch and the harsh vision to match -- he called for the death penalty for gay people, blasphemers, and unchaste women, among other sinners. Democracy, he wrote, is a heresy and "the great love of the failures and cowards of life."

Reconstructionism is a postmillennial theology, meaning its followers believe Jesus won't return until after Christians establish a thousand year reign on earth. While other Christians wait for the messiah, Reconstructionists want to build the kingdom themselves. Most American evangelicals, on the other hand, are premillennialists. They believe (with some variations) that at the time of Christ's return, Christians will be gathered up to heaven, missing the tribulations endured by unbelievers. In the past, this belief led to a certain apathy -- why worry if the world is about to end and you'll be safe from the carnage?

Since the 1970s, though, in tandem with the rise of the religious right, premillennialism has been politicized. A crucial figure in this process was the seminal evangelical writer Francis Schaeffer, an American who founded L'Abri, a Christian community in the Swiss Alps where religious intellectuals gathered to talk and study. As early as the 1960s, Schaeffer was reading Rushdoony and holding seminars on his work. Schaeffer went on to write a series of highly influential books elucidating the idea of the Christian worldview. A Christian Manifesto, published in 1981, described modern history as a contest between the Christian worldview and the materialist one, saying, "These two world views stand as totals in complete antithesis to each other in content and also in their natural results -- including sociological and government results, and specifically including law."

Schaeffer was not a theocrat, but he drew on Reconstructionist ideas of America as an originally Christian nation. In "A Christian Manifesto," he warned against wrapping Christianity in the American flag, but added, "None of this, however, changes the fact that the United States was founded upon a Christian consensus, nor that we today should bring Judeo-Christian principles into play in regard to government." Schaeffer was one of the first evangelical leaders to get deeply involved in the fight against abortion, and he advocated civil disobedience and the possible use of force to stop it. "It is time we consciously realize that when any office commands what is contrary to God's Law it abrogates its authority," he wrote.

Tim LaHaye, who is most famous for putting a Tom Clancy gloss on premillennialist theology in the Left Behind thrillers that he co-writes with Jerry Jenkins, was heavily influenced by Schaeffer, to whom he dedicated his book "The Battle for the Mind." That book married Schaeffer's theories to a conspiratorial view of history and politics, arguing, "Most people today do not realize what humanism really is and how it is destroying our culture, families, country -- and, one day, the entire world. Most of the evils in the world today can be traced to humanism, which has taken over our government, the UN, education, TV, and most of the other influential things of life.

"We must remove all humanists from public office and replace them with pro-moral political leaders," LaHaye wrote.

As premillennialists grew to embrace the goal of dominion, they made alliances with Reconstructionists. In 1984, Jay Grimstead, a disciple of Francis Schaeffer, brought important pre- and post-millennialists together to form the Coalition on Revival (COR) in order to lay a blueprint for taking over American life. Tim LaHaye was an original member of COR's steering committee, along with Rushdoony, North, creationist Duane Gish, D. James Kennedy, and the Reverend Donald Wildmon of the influential American Family Association.

Between 1984 and 1986, COR developed seventeen "worldview" documents, which elucidate the "Christian" position on most aspects of life. Just as political Islam is often called Islamism to differentiate the fascist political doctrine from the faith, the ideology laid out in these papers could be called Christianism. The documents outline a complete political program, with a "biblically correct" position on issues like taxes (God favors a flat rate), public schools (generally frowned upon), and the media and the arts ("We deny that any pornography and other blasphemy are permissible as art or 'free speech'").

In a 1988 letter to supporters, Grimstead announced the completion of a high school curriculum "using the COR Worldview Documents as textbooks." Since then, there's been a proliferation of schools, books, and seminars devoted to inculcating the correct Christian worldview in students and activists. Charles Colson accepts one hundred people annually into his yearlong "worldview training" courses, which include meetings in Washington, D.C., online seminars, "mentoring," and several hours of homework each week. "The program will be heavily weighted towards how to think," Colson's Web site says. It's intended for those who work in churches, media, law, government, and education, and who can thus teach others to think the same way.

Those who don't have a year to spare can attend one of more than a dozen Worldview Weekend conferences held every year in churches nationwide. Popular speakers include the revisionist Christian nationalist historian David Barton, David Limbaugh (Rush's born-again brother), and evangelical former sitcom star Kirk Cameron. In 2003, Tom DeLay was a featured speaker at a Worldview Weekend at Rick Scarborough's former church in Pearland, Texas. He told the crowd, "Only Christianity offers a comprehensive worldview that covers all areas of life and thought, every aspect of creation. Only Christianity offers a way to live in response to the realities that we find in this world. Only Christianity."

Speaking to outsiders, most Christian nationalists say they're simply responding to anti-Christian persecution. They say that secularism is itself a religion, one unfairly imposed on them. They say they're the victims in the culture wars. But Christian nationalist ideologues don't want equality, they want dominance. In his book "The Changing of the Guard: Biblical Principles for Political Action," George Grant, former executive director of D. James Kennedy's Coral Ridge Ministries, wrote:

"Christians have an obligation, a mandate, a commission, a holy responsibility to reclaim the land for Jesus Christ -- to have dominion in civil structures, just as in every other aspect of life and godliness.
But it is dominion we are after. Not just a voice.
It is dominion we are after. Not just influence.
It is dominion we are after. Not just equal time.
It is dominion we are after.
World conquest. That's what Christ has commissioned us to accomplish. We must win the world with the power of the Gospel. And we must never settle for anything less...
Thus, Christian politics has as its primary intent the conquest of the land -- of men, families, institutions, bureaucracies, courts, and governments for the Kingdom of Christ."

Whatever happened to "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"? or "Love thy neighbor as yourself?"

I'm in the middle of changing medication so my mental resilience is less than normal - and it's not very good normally anyway.

After an interesting exchange with my mother today, I've had enough. What do YOU think?

4:54:36 PM mom: can i have a couple of hours on sunday night?
4:55:10 PM mom: just 8th grade - shouldn't be too bad
4:55:27 PM cearashoffstall: I don't know if J has something planned for Sunday, you'll have to ask him
4:56:55 PM mom: don't have his im addr4ess
4:57:00 PM mom: what is it
4:57:38 PM cearashoffstall: he's not online at the moment, but you can call him at his office I would guess
4:59:38 PM mom: let me get this straight
5:00:40 PM mom: i need to ask your husband if it's okay for you to come over to help me with the proof reading, is that it?
5:01:26 PM cearashoffstall: it's Mother's Day and I heard him talking with the kids and making plans, so yes, you need to ask MY PARTNER if he has something planned so I don't plan something without asking him because THAT WOULD BE RUDE.

she dropped it at that point.

Moira is currently having a meltdown because she wants a diaper and I'm not giving her one. *sigh* I guess this is the equivalent of struggles other parents have with bottles or pacifiers, both of which we avoided.

Pathetic

I've lost track of how many times in the last week I've thought "Ooh, I should make a blog entry about that so as not to forget/see what people think/because it's nifty" and by the time I'm near my computer I am so tired that whatever it is has long since escaped my head....


J picked up Patrick on the way home yesterday - I took him home around 1am and promptly got caught in the high wind - hail - constant lightning - blinding rain trying to get home. I made it half a block before I said the hell with this and turned around to wait it out at his apartment. Considering I'd already been so tired I was falling asleep while driving, this wasn't helping. Fortunately I only had to wait half an hour. Not long enough to watch the Crossing Jordan P TiVoed for me, dangit.

J & I have both lost our keys, so let me know if you come across them.

C is entirely too awake. I'm going to try for more sleep.

Oh, I heard Mamaw & Papaw are coming down soon! That should be fun. Maybe we'll get in a skip-bo game. *grin*

Uber-geek

I Am A: Chaotic Good Elf Bard Ranger


Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.


Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.


Primary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.


Secondary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Deity:
Hanali Cenanil is the Chaotic Good elven goddess of love, beauty, and art. She is also known as the Heart of Gold and Lady Goldheart. Her followers delight in creation and youth, and work to spread happiness, love, and beauty. Their preferred weapon is the dagger.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)




J was a Chaotic Good Elf Monk Druid. We're well matched. {grin} P was a Lawful Good Half-orc Ranger Fighter. (yes, he's interesting like that.)

I want cowboy leg!

I laughed so hard I cried and my stomach hurt - tell me what you think, y'all.

And the good news for the day: not a torn cornea. Massive weird allergic reaction.

I hate unresolved issues

It's one of the reasons I'm such a basket case, I think - I keep hoping for resolutions in everyday life. However, I figured with West Wing coming to a close, they'd tie up all the loose ends. Next Sunday is the last one. Last. *sniff* And there seems to be WAY too many loose ends to tie up all in one hour.

Anyway, today was a rollercoaster mood day.

And now I've torn my cornea. What a banner weekend.

random babbling

Well, J & P are going out of town tonight to a conference in Jax... I hope the boys have fun on the road trip. Thank goodness I'm feeling better; between the antibiotics and the inhaler I'm doing much better than I was a few days ago.

I've got my web page back up! The home page and my page are pretty well done (well, my page will be updated regularly, maybe) and now I've got M & C & the calendar & the family tree page to work on. Wheeee!

Study: US mothers deserve $134,121 in salary

May 3, 5:07 AM (ET)

By Ellen Wulfhorst

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A full-time stay-at-home mother would earn $134,121 a year if paid for all her work, an amount similar to a top U.S. ad executive, a marketing director or a judge, according to a study released on Wednesday.

A mother who works outside the home would earn an extra $85,876 annually on top of her actual wages for the work she does at home, according to the study by Waltham, Massachusetts-based compensation experts Salary.com.

To reach the projected pay figures, the survey calculated the earning power of the 10 jobs respondents said most closely comprise a mother's role -- housekeeper, day-care teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, chief executive and psychologist.

"You can't put a dollar value on it. It's worth a lot more," said Kristen Krauss, 35, as she hurriedly packed her four children, all aged under 8, into a minivan in New York while searching frantically for her keys. "Just look at me."

Employed mothers reported spending on average 44 hours a week at their outside job and 49.8 hours at their home job, while the stay-at-home mother worked 91.6 hours a week, it showed.

An estimated 5.6 million women in the United States are stay-at-home mothers with children under age 15, according to the most recent U.S. Census Bureau data.

NOT 'JUST A MOM'

"It's good to acknowledge the job that's being done, and that it's not that these women are settling for 'just a mom,"' said Bill Coleman, senior vice president of compensation at Salary.com. "They are actually doing an awful lot."

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, some 26 million women with children under age 18 work in the nation's paid labor force.

Both employed and stay-at-home mothers said the lowest-paying job of housekeeper was their most common role, with employed mothers working 7.2 hours a week as housekeeper and stay-at-home mothers working 22.1 hours in that role.

"Every husband I've ever spoken to said, 'I'm keeping my job. You keep yours.' It's a tough one," said Gillian Forrest, 39, a stay-at-home mother of 22-month-old Alex in New York. "I don't know if you could put a dollar amount on it but it would be nice to get something."

To compile its study, Salary.com surveyed about 400 mothers online over the last two months.

Salary.com offers a Web site (http://www.mom.salary.com) where mothers can calculate what they could be paid, based on how many children they have, where they live and other factors. The site will produce a printable document that looks like a paycheck, Coleman said.

"It's obviously not negotiable," he said.

On average, the mother who works outside the house earns a base pay of $62,798 for a 40-hour at-home work week and $23,078 in overtime; a stay-at-home mother earned a base pay of $45,697 and $88,424 in overtime, it said.

In a Salary.com study conducted last year, stay-at-home mothers earned $131,471. The potential earnings of mothers who work outside the home was not calculated in the previous study.

(LIFE-WORK, Editing by Eric Walsh; Reuters Messaging: ellen.wulfhorst.reuters.com@reuters.net)

hahahahahahahahahahaha

So it's 8:30am - kids are still asleep, thank god - I'm in the kitchen blowing my nose & coughing while I drink some orange juice. I hear something that sounds like Moira starting to cry/freak out, so I hightail it back to the bedroom only to look in and see her still totally asleep. I check Christian - nope, he's out too. So is Stravinsky. Okay, maybe one of the kids was whimpering in their sleep... I sit down on the bed to start sorting laundry and I sort-of yawn in the process -

the noise was me. My bronchial tubes made sort of a screaming high pitched sound when I breathed in.

TIRED OF BEING SICK! Going back to bed.

I think I'm hooked

Last night, in between putting the kids back to bed fifty million times (they're sick, we're sick, nobody feels particularly good) J & I ran a test campaign. My first time as DM; WOW there's a lot to keep up with. I really enjoyed it, even though I was tired and felt like crap - I think for a campaign that I've really put some preparation into and once I get more automatic with the mechanics that I should be able to create a pretty fun game. I'm going to work on planning an adventure for some 3rd level characters for J & P to run.

Yes, I'm a geek.

(Moira is kissing Christian where he fell and hurt himself, he's saying "Tank you, tank you")

I am attempting to feed and not kill my children. I'll probably post again at some point unless I lose my patience and end up in jail.

(I'm kidding, folks. My mother always gets worried when I joke like that, which makes me want to throw something at her.)

thank god for afternoon naps

When you're sick, and the kids are sick, when you can get everybody down for a nap that lasts about 2 hours, it's wonderful.

Had some of the weirdest dreams, tho.

Dreamt some guy I used to know long ago found me thru my blog and left me a message; that I'd starred in movies and he'd seen them and was commenting on my performance... so I was trying to figure out who this guy was from what he'd written on HIS blog... that's the gist of it. There were a lot of details, but they're not really important to anybody but me anyway. (Not like my dream is important to anybody but me either, now that I think about it...)

Okay, it's surreal when you get up and you have NPR on, and you hear Oscar the Grouch talking.

Back to unpacking, sorting, packing & cleaning...

WTF?

It's 3am. I laid down to go to sleep half an hour ago. And was suddenly and inexplicably wracked by horrible coughing. That deep-in-your-chest-my-back-hurts coughing. I stop coughing, and I wheeze with every breath. Justin says if I do that all night, he'll shoot himself. So I'm out here in the dining room, making myself a cup of tea and listening to myself make weird bronchial noises.

No, I don't have asthma, I haven't gotten into any more dust or stuff than I typically have, I don't think... I mean, I laid down with C earlier to put him back to sleep, and I didn't start a coughing fest then.

In going through boxes o'crap to make "to sell" and "to keep" piles (all y'all doubters out there - my "to sell" pile is actually quite large, so bite me, the pack-rat tendencies do not always win out!) I came across a box of school stuff - 1996-97ish era college work.

It's interesting how depression fucks with your memory. I have notebooks full of notes for classes I don't remember taking. And if there were any doubt that I am bipolar, some of the stuff found in there would remove it. Bad depression poetry. Bad! And manic papers written for some crappy writing class.

I discovered that I graduated with my AA from TCC with a 3.48 cumulative gpa. That explains the "honors" sticker on my diploma that I always wondered about.

Okay, going to go read the news, which I've not seen (nor heard much of) today. Anybody wanna take any bets that I read something new and disgusting about the current political administration and/or gas prices?

National Geographics

J used to have them complete back to the 60s, and some as far back as 1899, he thinks... and I've always wanted to get a complete collection myself. So here's what we've got so far:

1960: June
1964: Feb, Apr, Sept
1969: Apr
1970: Now have Jan, Feb
1971: June, Sept
1972: Feb
1973: Sept, Oct
1974: July, Dec
1975: Oct
1976: Mar
1978: Jan, July, Aug, Sept
1982: Mar, now have Aug
1983: Jan, Sept, now have Oct, Dec
1984: complete
1985: all but Dec
1986: Jan-Apr, June, Sept-Nov
1987: all but June
1988: now have Jan, Feb-Aug, Dec
1989: Jan, now have Feb, Apr-May, July-Dec
1990: Jan-June, Aug, Nov-Dec
1991: all but May
1992: complete
1993: all but July
1994: Jan-Feb, now have May-Aug, Oct , Dec
1995: Oct, Sept, now have Nov
1997: Dec
1999: July, Sept-Dec
2000: Jan-Feb, July

that's all I've found so far; there may be more boxes around here somewhere. But now at least I'll know which ones we're missing next time we're at the library!


Oh, and on a totally unrelated note: Gimli and Legolas have left the Grey Havens. :(

I just saved a fly from a spider

I'm not sure why, other than I couldn't stand to hear him buzzing spastically and know he was going to be eaten.

Of course, now I feel guilty for taking away the spider's dinner.

I can't win some days.

I should have fucking tape recorded myself

So I'm having a grumpy morning. The phone rings, it's my parents' house. I tell J I'm not going to answer the phone; I'm doing dishes and in no mood to talk anyway. So the house phone stops ringing. Then my cell rings. Then the house phone again (still mom) and J says "you sure you don't want to get it? It might be important..." and I go off. I say that's why we have voicemail, dammit, she can leave a message. It's probably just that they're out of bread. Yes, sure, I can get you bread, it's not like I have anything ELSE to do with my time!

I continue loading the dishwasher forcefully. He takes the kids to play with them (and keep them out of my way, bless him). A few minutes later, I go ahead and check the messages to see if it was indeed something urgent (dad's fallen again, we're on our way to the ER, something like that.)

I would have laughed if I'd not been so pissy.

"Just wanted to know if you were going to be out & about today or going by a store, because we're out of bread so if you could pick some up we'd really appreciate it."

I think I'm going to start drinking heavily.

Just for the record, I don't do drugs.

I mean, other than the ones prescribed me. I have a funky brain chemistry, I don't need any external help.

That being said, I've been having some freaky dreams lately.

Night before last - was driving around with a guy that looked a lot like Marten from Questionable Content. We were good friends, but I kinda had the hots for him. Then I was working for Sylvia McCordle (Gosford Park) and we were searching the manor's pantries for paté. Then dad & I drove to Jay Leno's house; we were picking him up to go to a car show. He was working in his garage; had one of those garage jumpsuits on. He started talking about the horrible constipation he'd been dealing with, and I told him that he needed to start eating salads and drinking like a quart of orange or grapefruit juice a day, and lay off the mac & cheese....

Okay, go to last night. First part of the night had horrible dreams about J & I - he was acting like my first husband (distant, interested in other women, no patience for me) - the dreams were bad enough that when I woke up, I asked J if we were okay. Ugh. Then went back to sleep, and dreamed about Matthew & Erin's wedding, and then that they'd come to Tallahassee to surprise Robin, and that they had a relatively new baby... it's the first time I've ever seen Robin tear up; it was really sweet.

So back to the daily grind. J's working some today; hopefully we'll get to play tonight. I wonder if I could go back to sleep....

I've been waiting to see this laid out

In the Silence, War Continues


During the first half of the 20th century the United States spearheaded the movement to make war illegal.

Based on the standards that were set then, based on international and American law, and based on the facts, a clear-cut and convincing case can be made that the invasion of Iraq was a crime.

It is impossible to imagine that George Bush and Dick Cheney and the rest of their group will actually be brought into court and charged and perhaps that is the reason that the response has been silence. We do not even discuss what makes a war legal or illegal. It has not and will not be debated on the floor of the US Senate. It won't be the subject of an investigation in the Washington Post or the New York Times. It won't be a segment on 60 Minutes or an item the NBC Nightly News. Anyone who says that the invasion of Iraq was a war crime will probably be dismissed as a member of the loony left.

Nonetheless, it is worthwhile to know where the moral high ground used to be.
* * *

The movement to seriously end war came out of the First World War.

All the nations marched to the battlefields eagerly. They had visions of flying banners, glorious cavalry charges, feats of courage and derring-do. What they met was a new kind of war. War as an industrial slaughter. It decimated an entire generation. It bankrupted a continent.

The Second World War reinforced that experience.

Although some of the victors emerged rich and powerful and although the movies and memoirs were filled with heroism and glory, the participants got together and said, this was a horror and whoever starts one of these things has committed a crime.

A terrible crime.

The Law

In 1928 the Kellogg-Briand Pact was signed. It renounced war as "an instrument of policy."

It's a treaty and it's still in effect and that makes it, according to Article VI of the Constitution, American law:

... all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of the United States, shall be the supreme law of the land; and the judges in every state shall be bound thereby, anything in the Constitution or laws of any State to the contrary notwithstanding.

Germany and Japan were also among the signatories. Obviously, they did not abide by it. But their violation of the treaty became one of the legal foundations for the war crimes trials.

Three types of war crimes were defined at Nuremberg in 1945: crimes committed during war as violations of the norms of war, crimes against humanity, like genocide, and, on top of the list, was to start a war:

To initiate a war of aggression, therefore, is not only an international crime; it is the supreme international crime differing only from other war crimes in that it contains within itself the accumulated evil of the whole.

That same year, in another step toward trying to end war, at least between countries, the United Nations was formed. The UN Charter, Article 2, Section 4, says:

All Members shall refrain in their international relations from the threat or use of force against the territorial integrity or political independence of any state ....

The United States, one of the founders of the UN, signed the charter. It is, like the Kellogg-Briand Pact, a treaty. Therefore it becomes, according to the Constitution, part of US law.

Self-Defense

Self-defense is legal.

Nothing in Kellogg-Briand or the UN Charter says or implies that a nation can't defend itself.

Preventive War

Preventive war is an extension of self-defense.

The idea is that if a bad guy is coming down the street with a gun you don't have to wait until he's in your house before you can shoot back.

That sounds like rough common sense and it has a great deal of emotional appeal.

But bear in mind that if you yell at the guy and he runs away, or if he drops his gun, or if you have time to call the police and they've arrived, shooting the guy is no longer self-defense, it's somewhere between hysterical manslaughter and murder.

Historically, the idea of preventive war has been very narrowly construed, just like shooting someone down in the street on the grounds that they are a threat to you. There has to be "a necessity of self-defense," and it has to be "instant, overwhelming, leaving no choice of means, and no moment for deliberation," and the act of self-defense "must be limited by that necessity, and kept clearly within it."

Preemptive War

Preemptive war, also called Bush Doctrine, is an extension of preventive war.

The big difference is that the threat no longer has to be "instant" or even immanent.

The idea is that if an opponent has both nuclear weapons and the will to use them, then the downside risk is so grave that it requires action to be taken before "the smoking gun is a mushroom cloud."

Once that's said, the idea extends itself even further. It spreads out like an oil slick. The enemy doesn't actually have to have nukes. They could have a program. Or merely the intent to have a program. Nor does it have to be nuclear. They could have the intent to have biological or chemical weapons programs. Nor is it necessary for them to exhibit or have a history of threatening to use those weapons against us. It is enough that if they have such a weapon sometime in the future, they might give it to someone else who is willing to use it.

Let us say that all makes sense and it is justifiable, the underlying justification still remains the same -- self-defense.

If the enemy is disarmed, then the necessity for self-defense disappears.

Just as once a suspect has dropped his gun and raised his hands, no matter how horrible his crime is, no matter how good a person the policeman is, if the policeman shoots him, it's murder.

Rogue States

There is one more legal way to go to war.

The UN Charter calls for "collective action" against a state that is out of control and dangerous to the rest of the world, a region or to one of it's neighbors.

It requires Security Council agreement and there have been three UN authorized wars, the Korean War, Gulf War One and Somalia.

The United Nations did not authorize military action Iraq.

It authorized pressure against Saddam Hussein to get him to admit inspectors and to disarm.

The Facts

The United States and the United Nations demanded that Saddam Hussein accept weapons inspectors and give them unlimited access so as to prove that he had disarmed as he had agreed to do after the First Gulf War.

Saddam Hussein agreed to that, in both word and deed.

The inspectors went to Iraq. They got in everywhere they asked to go.

They did not find prohibited weapons, except for a few that had been overlooked or lost in the shuffle and the Iraqis promptly destroyed them. They did not find any programs to produce prohibited weapons.

As proving a negative is difficult, the inspectors could not guarantee that no weapons existed. They asked for more time.

Let us stop right there. Let us examine that moment.

If there was any doubt that Saddam was somehow not fully disarmed, he was like a "perp" up against the wall, arms and legs spread wide, being frisked.

Effectively, he was disarmed.

The need for self-defense, even a preventive or preemptive self-defense, was over. The justification for war was gone.

Instead of being pleased that the threat was over, the Bush administration demanded that the inspectors stop their work and leave Iraq.

Then they changed the rules. They no longer demanded that Saddam disarm. Or even that he prove that he had disarmed. Now, the only way to stop the invasion, was for Saddam to abdicate and leave the country.

If the invasion of Iraq was not a matter of self-defense -- however much the definition was stretched -- and it was not sanctioned as collective action -- it was a war of aggression.

There are no mitigating circumstances, except, perhaps, the silence.

The silence, vast and still, came from the media. It came from our other politicians. From our historians, lawyers and generals, from our priests, ministers, rabbis and imams, who failed to step forward and say, wait, once upon a time we said that waging an aggressive war was the supreme international crime differing only from other war crimes in that it contains within itself the accumulated evil of the whole.

Once upon a time we hung people for the crime of waging an aggressive war.

We are continuing that war. We have already begun the preparations for another war.

We may not be able to stop this administration from committing war crimes, we may not be able to bring them to justice, but we can end the silence.


Larry Beinhart is the author of Fog Facts: Searching for Truth in the Land of Spin, and The Librarian and Wag the Dog, available at Nationbooks.org.

A shout-out to my homegirl

Happy Birthday Robin! J says much love too. I've decided to start playing the lottery so if I win I can send you back to Italy. Thanks so much for having us over, we're always glad to spend time with you.


I heard today on the radio that Barack Obama is going to be in town tomorrow - so I'm going to rearrange my day to take a listen. I'm a bit excited, actually.

Amazingly enough, it is 9:41pm, and everybody but me is asleep. At least I think J is asleep. If not, he's at least resting quietly.


OMG, Patrick doesn't know who Barack Obama is! AAAAUUGGH!!

I wish I could figure out why my jaw keeps breaking out in hives. Or whatever. Itchy slightly raised bumpy...

Okay, going to catch up on news - and refrain from having ice cream. :)

Help! I've forgotten my mantra!

10 points to whomever can name the movie.

I totally forgot what I was going to say.

Dammit, I hate it when that happens.

It's hell to get old...

So yesterday J gets pulled over by a sheriff with a bad attitude because the tag on dad's car is past 6 months expired. Oops. Now, we should have checked something like that, but it didn't occur to us - c'est la vie, right? J got off with a warning, and I called the 'rents to ask if they knew where the registration etc. were so I could renew the tag.

So when I get here this morning to make dad breakfast, he says "when we go to the tax place to renew the tag, I'm going to give them what for" and I, feeling bitchy, play dumb. Why? I ask.. and dad says it's THEIR fault they didn't send me one of those postcard things to renew the tag! I said um, no - that card is sent out as a courtesy; it's your responsibility to renew your tag, it happens every year during your birth month.

*sigh*

In one of those long conversations with mom yesterday (because it's damn near impossible NOT to have a long conversation with her) she asked if I wanted to make some money; she'd pay me for doing housework, doing the grocery shopping etc. I told her that I'd actually suggested that to J; that I incorporate and write off the car, gas, insurance etc. on the taxes as a business expense...

Is it Friday yet?

Is this me in 30 years?

Kill me now if so.

I dropped off a prescription for dad yesterday; I remembered mom saying that Walgreens was more expensive than Albertsons had been, and they were probably going to switch back... so I asked the woman if they had any insurance listed for dad. Surprise surprise - no. So later I dropped by dad's insurance card, and called mom to tell her to pick up the prescription on the way home, and that dad's insurance card should be in the bag with the medicine. She asked if I'd asked them about getting a refund for the last 3 or 4 prescriptions we'd gotten filled there for dad, and I said no.

So this morning when I get to dad's to make him breakfast, I ask him if the medicine was helpful at all, and he said he didn't know, he didn't have it yet. I said what do you mean? Mom was supposed to pick it up on the way home last night. Evidently mom went by Walgreens and asked them about refunding the difference for the previous prescriptions. They told her that she'd have to talk to CHP about that. I don't know what transpired, but mom got so pissed off that she told them to keep the damn medication and left.

Okay, what part of insurance covered medication do you not understand? Mom said that she was asking Walgreens for the money because they were the ones who had been paid the money. DOH. Okay, as I understand it, Walgreens gets the same amount of money for a drug regardless of who pays. If you don't have insurance, you pay for all of it. If you do have insurance, insurance pays for part and you pay for the rest. Most pharmacies I know don't go back and file claims with the insurance company for past purchases, so if you want the difference back, you have to contact the insurance company so they can pay you what they would have originally paid Walgreens - since you've already paid Walgreens.

Am I wrong? Anyway, I'm waiting for mom to let me know what the hell happened so I can go get dad's medicine from whenever. How much you want to bet that it becomes an hour long conversation? *sigh*

The life of a wife of a network/system administrator

Some nights you'll wake up in the middle of the night and discover your husband next to you on his laptop.

Some nights you'll go to bed together, only to get a phone call/page at some obscene hour that means he's getting up, and possibly getting dressed and heading to the office.

Some nights he'll be staying late at the office to do some stuff while nobody's using the network. Sometimes things don't go well and you get a call at 2:30am to tell you he's still not done and will be there until morning.

Some major holidays - New Years, 4th of July, etc. - mean the company's network is finally available to do work on, since nobody's working. This means your husband IS working.


Next post will be the good things. It's just 3am and I'm tired.

Time for a late night stream-of-consciousness post

It's not actually that late... don't know why I'm falling asleep. Maybe because J's still at work. Listening to Breathe on repeat. Not sure why I'm doing this. It's my habit of smacking an emotional bruise repeatedly until it's numb and doesn't hurt anymore. Planning on selling the house and getting a place closer to J's work, and friends. I've decided to not tell mom we're moving. We're taking bets on how long it takes her to find out. Considering part of the reason we were looking for a house on this side of town was because she wanted us close, but she's not been here since what, Thanksgiving? Have lost track. Patrick's betting on 3 weeks, wanna join the pool? I'm looking forward to selling 99% of our stuff, actually. J just called, he's getting food because the server won't come back up so he's going to be there for a while, hopefully won't have to rebuild it tonight. Khang came over this afternoon/evening, it was good to see him. His work is stressing him out - too many idiots, too much unfair bullshit. I think I'll ask if I can borrow his sister's bike so we can go riding. I was trying to figure out how to locate cathedrals the other night. I felt the need to go sit by myself in a large sacred space. A large untouched wilderness would do too, actually. And the wilderness might not be locked, like most churches are anymore days. I need a safe place. I'd like church more if it weren't for the people. Ironic, that. I wish I could find an old fashioned church building that just had sacred choir music 24/7. here in town again tell he's been down for a while but my god it's so beautiful when the boy smiles wanna hold him maybe I'll just sing about it. I think I'll check the schedule at FSU and see if there are any interesting free musical performances. Falling asleep while typing leads you to write interesting things. Winter just wasn't my season. I can't believe it's already so hot here.

What was I going to say? Shoot, dunno. Maybe it'll come to me. Tomorrow. Sleep now. Life's like an hourglass glued to the table.

note to self

I made the observation the other day that I should go back through my blog entries and see if I can find a pattern in my moods, because it's usually obvious where I am from what and how I say it.

I'm on an upswing today; hopefully it will continue. Between PMS hormonal stuff and situational stress stuff, the last few days have been, well, awful.

I still have the song from yesterday stuck in my head, but now this one is taking turns with it...

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
(Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield)

Can you tell I've been listening to local music stations? I've been too stressed out and disgusted to listen to NPR much recently. No news is good news. *sigh*

If it's stuck in my head, I might as well pass it along

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl,
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
Just a day, he sat down to the flask in his fist,
Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
Inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
And breathe, just breathe
Woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

(Breathe by Anna Nalick)

A word of advice

When you find a friend - a true, real, loving, loyal friend - hold on to them with all you have. They're worth their weight in diamonds.

You know who you are - thank you. I won't forget how lucky I am to know you.

I'm sure smart people have already made this argument

This occurred to me while I was driving the other day - part of the reason we have trouble with politicians being bought is because making donations to a political party/person/cause/whatever is considered a form of free speech, right?

Two things here: 1) it's called FREE speech.
2) the entire concept of free speech (as I understand anyway) is that any and everybody has the right to speak as much as they desire about anything they desire. (With the obvious caveat of not shouting Fire in a crowded theatre, of course.)

By that very definition then, donation of money should not be considered free speech because not everyone has an equal amount of money to spend, so not everyone has the opportunity to "speak" as much as they want.

WHEEEEEEE

Okay, so yesterday was bleh, but maybe because I took my B vitamins this morning I have ENERGY!!!

Here's a game to play: when you're at the supermarket, look at the "women's" magazines. Try to find one that does not simultaneously have some luscious looking dessert and a new diet plan on the cover. In the years I've been playing this game, I've seen ONE.

I'm really excited about a character I'm in the middle of creating - a shadow dancer! I can't wait.

mmmmmm, grits.

Color me amazed...

It's amazing, but our six fish are doing wonderfully. The tank is gorgeous, I've rearranged it so the really-powerful-filter is situated so it's not likely to suck up a sleeping goldfish. They're perky, eating (and pooping) just fine - go figure.

I've got to go make breakfast for my dad (& son) now. Probably more later.

Oh, and btw, Uncle Patrick skunked me at a game of scrabble last night - beat me by 98 points! Unreal. I must be slipping. If anybody has any good scrabble mojo to send my way, please do. (and at some point I'll have $10 so I can register at the pixie pit and play with Justin's grandmother again, dangit.)

***EDIT***
Yes, pictures of fishies coming soon.

And ironically, mojo was one of Patrick's words.

Well THAT was fun

I firmly believe moms have a 6th sense. I don't know what it is that made me go look; maybe I heard something that my subconscious mind latched on to - but for whatever reason, I went into the kids' bedroom to see Moira dumping half the container of goldfish flakes into the tank. And all over the dresser. And the floor.

I tried to scoop out as many flakes as possible, realized that there was no way in hell I could get enough out, and ran to our local wally world (ugh) to get a new filter, some dechlorination stuff (as I didn't have time to let the water sit), and some stress-aid stuff.

Gandalf, Merry, Pippin, Gimli, Legolas, and Ernie (Christian re-christened Aragorn) have had the shock of their lives; hopefully they'll survive.

The fish food and all other fish stuff has been put on a newly-installed very high shelf on the wall.

Manic, or just not depressed?

Yesterday was great. Justin was at work all night and didn't get home until morning. Patrick offered to take me & the kids to Ice Age 2, which was perfect because then we'd be out of the house for a while so J could get some sleep. (Thank you for the movie, Uncle Patrick! It was a lot of fun, even with C so tired.) We dropped by Broadway to see if Uncle Ben was working - he was, and Uncle Noah was there too! Ben comped us lunch (Thanks, Uncle Ben! You're a sweetie - us broke people appreciate your generosity.) and then we went to Tar-zhea to get silverware. Uncle Patrick was feeling domestic. Amongst other things. (So do you like the silverware, or have you had a chance to use it? We can still go to BB&B if you want. {evil grin}) We drove thru Summerbrooke to see a friend's new house - you know, the neighborhood's okay, but most of the houses in there don't do much for me. I mean, they're obviously large and expensive, but... eh. We headed back home & broke out a puzzle while giving J a little longer to nap - I'm not sure why I picked a 1000 piece puzzle. I think I'm a masochist. Oh, who am I kidding? I love puzzles. After putting the kids to bed, we all geeked out with a D&D game. J's really coming along as a DM, and I was in a great mood and really into it. Didn't want to stop, in fact, so taking P home around 2am sucked. When I got back home, after J put Moira back to bed, we got some exercise and then headed for sleep.

That's the point at which I started thinking. The Wellbutrin seems to be doing well for me. So was I manic? Or just not depressed for the first time in forever? I felt like I did at the beginning of high school. Without the angst, mind you. I feel like writing. I used to write stories, and poetry... heck, my stories won awards... but I've not felt really creative in a long while. My libido seems to be coming back. {grin} I don't look at all the things around me and feel overwhelmed - I just feel like shrugging and saying, 'well, better get started!' I explained it to J that it was as though I'd been wearing sunglasses for so long I'd forgotten they were on there, and then took them off, and OMG, it's BRIGHT out here!

But maybe I'm rationalizing. Maybe these are manic spikes. Maybe it's dangerous to enjoy them too much. I feel like singing... I feel like dancing... I can say "this is the first day of the rest of my life" and it doesn't make me feel tired! I made six custard pies the other day; there are still 3 1/2 in the fridge. (I need to deliver them to my parents' house.) I want to plant a garden, and some flowers... it's spring... I almost feel like I'm in love; it's that giddy happiness you have when you look at the world. Do normal people sometimes feel like this? Should I be worried?

Those of you reading who aren't familiar with bipolar disorder may be saying "Hey, what's the big deal? You feel good! Enjoy it!" On some level, I am. Man, it sucks that an illness can make you WORRIED when you're happy. When I'm manic, I'm a lot more likely to do stupid, reckless things. I bite off more than I can chew. I overextend myself. My inhibitions are lowered. My emotions are more open to the world - and those of you who know me, know I wear my heart on my sleeve as it is - becoming MORE exposed sorta makes me tremble to think about.

And that seems to describe me lately.

But then there's the voice inside my head - the one most depressives have, that says "What if this is not an illness, not some sort of brain chemical imbalance, but just evidence that you're an awful person? That you're selfish and undisciplined and lazy? What if this is just a particularly awful character flaw? Am I copping out; blaming a mental illness for being a horrid bitch? What is wrong with me that I can't control my feelings more; that I can't behave normally? On some level do I WANT to be diagnosed as mentally ill because it gives me license to misbehave?"

Okay, wow, that did a good job of bringing me down.

But after going and re-reading this post, I don't feel beaten down. I look out my back door, and think that while I don't begrudge any creature having happy sex, I do wish the oak trees weren't spooging all over everything. (How's THAT for a mental picture?) I'm glad I don't have pollen allergies.

However, now that I've used this space to babble and generally attempt to explore the inside of my skull, I do really need to get to work on this house - it's been a constant source of stress (along with finances) and if I can just get it a little less cluttered I'd be happier. I'm even planning on taking stuff over to Kaye's for her giant garage sale, whenever that ends up being held.

And to totally geek out (like playing D&D all hours of the night isn't geeky enough, right?) I cannot WAIT to see West Wing tonight!!!! {bounces off}

New additions to the family

I don't know if I mentioned it or not, but earlier this week I brought home 8 feeder goldfish for the tank in the kids' room. Two died before I came up with names, but now that I've figured out what the rest of their names are, I know the name of at least one of the deceased ones.

The white one is Gandalf. The white and orange one is Legolas. The muddy-calico one is Gimli (he's the smallest). The two gold metallic ones are Merry & Pippin, one's stouter and the other has a longer tail. The biggest one, the prototypical orange goldfish, is Aragorn.

So at least one of the ones that died was Boromir. I'm not sure who the 2nd one was. Probably Sam or Frodo.

feast or famine

Woke up today, said the hell with it, and went back to sleep. Didn't even take Moira to school.

Yesterday, however, was another story. I knew I was on a semi-manic upswing when I woke up at 3:30ish and decided that rather than going back to sleep I wanted to work on my webpage. At 5:15, J woke up and told me to go the hell back to sleep, so I did. Then got up at 6 something, took a shower, got the kids' clothes laid out, got dressed, and laid back down. Got up later, took M to school, dropped off mom's old battery at the place on West Tennessee St. (since I was over there), then went & made breakfast for dad. Then took nap with C, then went to pick up Moira, then took lunch to J (because he'd run out of gas), then went grocery shopping at Publix for family, then took the groceries to Aunt Anne, then dropped by Albertsons for the last 3 things Publix didn't have, then took groceries to my parents' house, then met Patrick at his apartment to take him to an appt (I was early! What a shock), then went and picked up J, then went home, and J went & picked up Patrick at 6:30 and brought him back to our house, I made dinner, we all ate, J bathed & put the kids to bed & I took P home.


I think that's why I'm tired now.
At this point, I don't want more hours in every day. I'd just fill them up, and days like this tire me out already. I want four or five of me. Where's a rogue cloner when you need one? Or a teleporter that I can make malfunction, then merge all the copies back together afterwards....

4 am and all is well

I still would like to have an extra ten hours or so in every day... but I'm going to do what I can to use what I've got.

I am generally a fan of Benjamin Franklin

but this daylight savings time thing? Not so much.

Got home, J & I made dinner, fed everybody, then went for walk (YAY!) then back home, bath, and bed. Kids were in bed by 8:30. And J & I fell asleep too. (Which is probably why it's 1:40am and I'm up. I'd not been sleeping very deeply anyway, and I remembered I'd not put all the food away.)

Read the kids Animalia by Graeme Base (forgive any misspellings, it's late) before bed. Is it only my obsessive compulsive bent that makes me want to sit down and make a list of everything I see on every page? If you've not seen it, go look, and you'll see what I mean.

I love my cat, but if he kneads me with his claws in my thigh one more time I'm going to throw him off my lap.

So DeLay is not only not running for re-election, but he's vacating his seat early! It's like Christmas in April. Anybody wanna take bets on what his former chief of staff (who just pleaded guilty to taking gifts from lobbyists in exchange for getting DeLay to vote certain ways) is going to say DeLay was in on?

I was just reading stuff linked from HuffPo, but I don't have the mental fortitude to read about the political eulogies created for Delay by his fellow republicans, or about the analysis of Bush's tax cuts (I got to the "for taxpayers with incomes greater than $10 million" and my head started to hurt)... so the hell with it, it's almost 3am, I'm going back to sleep.

tipsy posts are almost as much fun as drunk posts

Warning: strong language




Why do they call it strong language, I wonder? Anyway, I'm about to start a D&D game (woohoo!) at Uncle Patrick's house, and I just have to vent some.

Oh my god, how fucking stupid do you have to be? Okay, so mom's battery seems to have died. So I plugged it up to the trickle charger, and we left dad's car (that we've been using as our 2nd car) so they'd have a reliable transportation device. So we're taking the kids to Springtime Tallahassee, we're at the parade, and my cellphone rings. It's mom; I couldn't hear her because she was on her speakerphone at home. (How many times have I explained the difference between full duplex and half duplex? Thank God I didn't have to go into it this time.) Anyway, so later I call her back and discover that she wants me to come to her house, and either drop off J or take the car myself to West Tennessee St. to this one particular place to get a battery.

Why the fuck drive a car with an unreliable battery across town? Just take the goddamned battery out of the car, get into the OTHER car, and go get a replacement. This is on top of her saying that she was cancelling Sue & I taking her out to dinner for her birthday because she didn't have the time. Fucking A, she can't take enough time to go out to dinner for her birthday because she has too many papers to grade. So when J & I were pointing out that she could just take the battery out (all you need is a wrench) she was grumpy and said "Thanks for your help, goodbye" and hung up.

I managed not to throw the phone, but that was only because I was driving.

No, I'm sorry, I don't feel like being helpful when you're being a FUCKING MORON about it. First of all, why the fuck do I have to drive all the way out to goddamned West Tennessee street? It's not like there aren't places that sell batteries everyfuckingwhere. Second of all, why the hell should I take the car that has stranded you twice?

So tomorrow is the family get-together at the father-in-law's place. Not gonna be there! I guess I should be nice and tell him we're not coming - the message he left us was saying that it was so Andy & Megan & the boys could say goodbye to everybody, basically - so I'm not sure; I can't exactly say "no, we're not coming - they don't want to see us anyway" because then that opens up the whole conversation as to why Andy isn't speaking to me. And while I don't blame him for not speaking to me, I think him saying that he won't be anywhere I or J is going to be is just retarded - I mean, what the hell kind of actor are you if you can't be in a family gathering and pretend everything is hunky-dory? {evil grin} He's been doing it for years! Of course, there is that bitchy side of me that says "oooh, go, and fuck with them" but it's just not worth the time or stress. Besides, they have enough problems without having to deal with obnoxious family members.

I'm going to take my progressively drunker self and go decide what I'm doing campaign-wise. Maybe I'll roll up a new character. Or just go shopping with this one. Hrm.

"the pear shaped tone!"

Is it Friday yet?

Woke up an hour late.
Mom called & told me not to worry about picking up the crown molding for her lab, that she could do it tomorrow.
J took Moira to school. (She was late.)
I went to parents' house, made dad & C breakfast. (French toast, yum.)
Went to psych appt. (Was late.)
Learned can't have C with me at appt, filled out paperwork, will reschedule when I have a babysitter.
Went by mom's school to drop off some of her papers.
Went back to parents' house, warmed up lunch for C, paid some bills with dad.
Went to counselor's appt.
Went to J's work, picked up him & car seat.
Got lunch with J on way to picking up Moira from school.
Took J back to his office.
Went back to parents' house to check on dad, waited for mom to get home.
Waited for J to get there, left to go home.

***EDIT***
Not sure how I forgot this... on way home, car ran out of gas. Coasted into gas station after dying in middle of intersection. (J & I had switched cars; he told me it needed gas, and MAN did it need gas - barely got to the darn gas station.)
**********

Arrived home, found power was off.
Drove looking for a network to get on to pay power bill.
Paid power bill, had 2 hours to kill before power was turned back on.
Went to Uncle Patrick's house (THANK YOU!) and watched tv.
Went home - power on! Yay! Came inside, went to bed.


What a way to start the week, you know? How was YOUR monday?

You can have one - ONE! - at a time!!!

#(*$&@(%&(@#$&

My son is much worse than my daughter was - inevitably, he's nursing on one breast, and feels the need to tweak the other nipple. I've managed not to break his fingers yet, but I've been tempted.

Yesterday was entertaining. Patrick and Justin cleaned out the den! We now have an adult room. A place to put puzzles, woohoo! In the process of putting boxes of not-gotten-unpacked-or-sorted crap into the shed for the near future, J found one of my old keychain mace things, and handed it to Patrick saying "Wanna mace somebody?" Patrick, who is roughly half deaf, didn't quite get what J was saying, and as he messed with the thing, maced J in the face.

So I'm in the back bedroom trying to put the kids down for a nap, and Patrick comes back and says don't worry, but I've maced your husband. (That explains that sound out back that sounds like projectile retching, I think to myself.)

It's never dull around here, you know?

It's started already

It's a lovely early spring rainy day. I generally like this kind of weather. Yesterday I started the medication switch, and it's amazing how quickly I feel an effect. Last night's dreaming was full of anger and depression and paranoia... and betrayal... first dream I was in a mental institution, and angry at the doctor telling me what to do or what was wrong with me. I remember yelling at him as I went to take a shower that if the world didn't suck so bad I'd be perfectly fine. He & J were agreeing about something. After J woke me up coming back to bed from finally getting M to sleep (and I'd probably been asleep an hour at most) I had a dream about being in the military with my husband and him deciding to do something that involved him being shipped away from me, and being fawned on by young enlisted women... and in both dreams, oddly enough, sex got interrupted. I just realized that.

Listening to the sound of the rain was nice last night, however. I was a little wound up thinking about my parents and all I need to get done, and couldn't relax easily. I'm about to go take a nice, long shower with some yummy smelling body wash I got on clearance.

tired posts aren't anywhere near as fun as drunk posts

If the time stamp on this entry is correct, you'll see that I'm writing this at ten til 3. AM.

I just got back from my parents' house. Dad fell out of bed trying to get to the bathroom. Mom called a neighbor who helped her get him up (bless them; am dropping by a thank you card in the morning) and after dad messed up the bed, I brought underbed pads etc.

You'd think changing diapers for 3 years would make me immune to the smell of poo. I gotta say, 85 yr old man poo smells a lot different than toddler poo. Yikes.

Anyway, I'm just now beginning to get a taste of what it's going to be like to have elderly parents and be an only child. I've been worried about it for years, but I don't think I was prepared.

I'm now wondering how much that house down the street is listed at.

Sleepy time now. Must get myself more in order in the morning.

Well, it's a start

Last night is the first night I've gotten any restful sleep in three days. I still woke up feeling like I'd been beaten with a bar of soap in a sock, though.

Dad's coming home from rehab today! I hope he does okay at home; I'm probably going to be spending a lot of time over there.

I wonder if I can get Christian back to sleep....

Oh, and we celebrated with Uncle Patrick last night - happy days!

My doctor's appt. is tomorrow; we'll see how that goes.

Join the new adventure!

After several conversations with guy friends of mine over the last week or two, I decided to start a blog that's a collection of romantic ideas for people who seem to have trouble thinking something up.

Come share your ideas!

My head hurts

Before I start my bitching, I do have to say that on the bright side, I did notice today for the first time this spring the wisteria blooming. So I started looking at all the flowers that were blooming... saw both white and purple wisteria! Woohoo!

Anyway, I'm tired of stupidity. Aren't you? I don't even feel like going into details now. Not worth it. As long as there are humans alive, there will be stupidity. Maybe that's what heaven is - the absence of stupidity.

And all the stupid drains to hell. Hell is other people. Other stupid people. But you know, if everybody in hell is stupid, then none of them would realize they were in hell...

Maybe we're in hell now. That would explain a lot.


Dad comes home from the rehab hospital tomorrow. I have to go tomorrow morning and install the bed risers, the toilet grab bars, and perhaps the shower seat - we might wait on that last one.

What a year

It's only March, but I feel like we've been running full tilt for most of the past 3 months.

Dad's still in the rehab hospital, but he's doing well, and he might get to come home this week. We need to do some work to the house to make it safer for him to come & go & move around - if you know a good local contractor, please let me know, as some of it is extensive work. (Both the bathrooms need to be replaced)

My brother came down this weekend with his wife and two kids - okay, well, half-brother. It was good to see him. Even if he is a republican.

My sister-in-law and her two kids are now in town... I'm not sure if she's talking to me or not, and I'm not in the mood to deal with drama, so hopefully things will go smoothly.

And the news du jour: my mood swings have started up again. *sigh* Well, I had three years of relative sanity, so hopefully I can use those as a sort of litmus test for where I'm at emotionally at any given point. I just realized that only part of the reason for my recent weight gain was that I'm a lazy couch potato that doesn't eat particularly well - the weight gain with zoloft is 15-20lbs. Urgh. Hard to not be depressed when you put on extra weight. :) I think I'll ask my doc about Wellbutrin. And J did some research and discovered that ultradian cycling might be caused by a thyroid imbalance, and that synthroid, when given to some people, balances out the mood swings - whether they've tested hypothyridic or not. So it looks like I have a few options; we'll see what happens.

As soon as I can afford to get a bicycle, I'm going to start riding again! I actually have three people that are willing to go riding with me (one of which being J, but he doesn't have a bike yet either) and I can't wait. I'm hoping to get the kids one of those bike trailer things so they can sit in it and ride along - them both being too young to _bike_ the St. Mark's trail with us, and I don't feel safe with a baby seat thing up on the bike. I'm not that coordinated.

Anybody got a bike they wanna donate?

Anyway, it's almost 11:30 and I need to go to sleep. I hope all is well with y'all out there in electronville; have a good week.

say that again?

%47%65%65%6B%73%20%6F%66%20%61%20%66%65%61%74%68%65%72%20%66%6C%6F%63%6B%20%74%6F%67%65%74%68%65%72%2E%20%20%49%66%20%79%6F%75%27%76%65%20%74%72%61%6E%73%6C%61%74%65%64%20%74%68%69%73%2C%20%79%6F%75%27%72%65%20%65%69%74%68%65%72%20%61%20%64%65%64%69%63%61%74%65%64%20%66%72%69%65%6E%64%2C%20%61%20%63%75%72%69%6F%75%73%20%67%65%65%6B%2C%20%6F%72%20%73%6F%6D%65%74%68%69%6E%67%20%69%6E%20%62%65%74%77%65%65%6E%2E%0D%0A%0D%0A%49%27%6D%20%67%6F%69%6E%67%20%74%6F%20%73%74%61%72%74%20%6C%6F%6F%6B%69%6E%67%20%66%6F%72%20%61%20%6A%6F%62%2C%20%73%6F%20%69%66%20%61%6E%79%20%6F%66%20%79%6F%75%20%6F%75%74%20%74%68%65%72%65%20%68%61%76%65%20%68%65%61%72%64%20%6F%66%20%6F%6E%65%20%49%20%6D%69%67%68%74%20%6C%69%6B%65%2F%62%65%20%67%6F%6F%64%20%61%74%2F%6D%61%6B%65%20%64%65%63%65%6E%74%20%6D%6F%6E%65%79%20%61%74%2C%20%6C%65%74%20%6D%65%20%6B%6E%6F%77%2C%20%6F%6B%61%79%3F%00

Have you seen Animal House?

Otter: Take it easy, I'm pre-law.
Boon: I thought you were pre-med.
Otter: What's the difference?



Those of you that know me know that for a long time I was aiming at med school. I'd thought about specializing as an ob/gyn - at least until I spent a good deal of time volunteering at an ob/gyn's office. I decided that midwifery was more my speed.

Lately I've been reconsidering. I've gotten so frustrated and fed up with politics that I've felt the urge to get involved and try to change it. (When I'm not so sick of other human beings that I just want to buy a private island and tell the rest of the planet to fuck off, that is.)

I'd been thinking about this quote by Otter, and worrying that perhaps people weren't going to take me seriously, and wondering why I seemed to have lost my desire to be a physician, and it suddenly occurred to me: I'm doing so much nurturing and caretaking now, the idea of doing it for a career exhausts me.

I've got two small children, a husband, two elderly parents, an elderly aunt... so we'll see what I decide to do when I'm actually able to go back to school.

Donations to my college fund are welcome. {wink}

I'm not sure I'll ever sleep again

I wasn't reading any true crime stories or anything, but I had the most horrible, most detailed dreams about a serial killer...

Very. Detailed.

This is not an auspicious way to start the week...

Guilty pleasure admittance ahead...

Once again, the Academy Awards show is upon us. I had forgotten that Jon Stewart was hosting this year; I was actually thinking of watching it for him.

It's 11:30pm, and what I'm doing is sitting on my laptop looking at pictures. My guilty pleasure is drooling over and criticizing the outfits.

My only problem is a lack of a person to babble to about this. So congratulations, you the reader get to hear it this year, because I feel like talking.

Judi Dench is such a classy lady. I like her outfit.

Felicity Huffman has A- cups; and that dress would probably go better on a woman with at least a LITTLE cleavage.

Selma Hayek, MROWR! Gorgeous color. Very flattering on her.

gotta go to bed... maybe more later.

amazing

The hospital has a guest wireless network. Bless them.

Note to all you parents and not-yet parents out there: HAVE MORE THAN ONE CHILD. When you get old, and need taking care of, your child will appreciate having siblings to call on for help.

And you siblings out there? If you have an elderly parent and one of your siblings lives in town and the rest of you don't, and something happens, you damn well should help in whatever way you can.

My brother is coming down next weekend, bless him.

And bless the friends & family around here who have helped out with my children while I'm trying to be a good daughter.

Those of you who pray

Please keep my father in your prayers/thoughts/meditations/whatever.

He fell Friday afternoon. He stayed home thru the weekend, but seemed to get progressively worse.

To make a long story short (cause I'm effing tired) he has a compound fracture of his L1 vertibra. He'll be in the hospital for at least 3 days and in rehab for "weeks" according to the doctor.

Not the best news for an 85 year old. Keep your fingers crossed.

It's crack!

Those of you familiar with J's incredibly yummy chicken salad can imagine the taste of this... those of you who aren't, GO MAKE THIS. SOOOOOOOOO good.

Chicken salad
In a big bowl, put:

3 large cans chunk chicken (white & dark in water)
12oz diced celery
6oz chopped walnuts (don't skimp!)
oregano (dried)
parsley (dried)
dill (fresh)
tarragon (whole leaves, dried)
celery salt
kosher salt
cracked black pepper
2 tbsp dill pickle juice
1/2 cup sweet pickle relish
2 tbsp brown mustard
at least 1 cup mayonnaise (adjust for consistency)

liberally salt and pepper the insides of four de-topped and scooped out green bell peppers, stuff with chicken salad, top with swiss cheese, broil in oven until cheese is bubbly.

Wow. Just, wow. And incredibly filling.

Gotta go run quick bath for kids. G'nite, y'all!

yummmm, pork loin

Patrick made us dinner at his place - one of the best pork loins I've eaten, which is saying something considering how well J cooks.

The entertainment for the evening, now that was something.

I have one thing to say about Napoleon Dynamite: wtf? And yes, the cymbal player at the Prism concert looked just like him.

Robots - now THAT was a trip! Of course, it was an underdog sort of film, so nobody's surprised that I liked it, I'm sure. Besides, it's got Robin Williams! How can you go wrong?

We went to the MagLab open house thing on Saturday - it was amazing, but not as much neat stuff as I was expecting. I was expecting something like a magnet hands-on display like what you'd see at a science museum for the kids. And J & I laughed about this, but it was weird nonetheless: I felt okay when I got there. Started feeling progressively worse. Finally felt so crappy I told J I was done, and we left. As soon as we left, I felt better. We couldn't help but wonder if the high magnetic fields were messing with my funky body chemistry. So, next time we go, I'll see if it happens again. Of course, it'll be hard to test, because I might make something happen psychosomatically... but what the hey.

Am taking the kids into the doctor today for a look-see. Let him listen to their chests, check their ears & throat, that kind of thing. They've been sick for a couple of weeks now, so while I figure it's a virus, he'll know if there's anything bacterial going around or whatnot. {looking at clock} Which means I'd better go hit the shower with Christian.

Some random comments for the day

BWAHAHAHAHAHA

About Cheney, Sen. Chuck Hagel of Nebraska (R): "If he'd been in the military, he would have learned gun safety."

Remember when Ann Coulter said the voters in Palm Beach County "stupid" and "feeble-minded"? She couldn't vote in the correct district herself! Hello, pot, this is kettle - YOU'RE BLACK.

Bob Cesca made a great point, which I'd like to restate here and add to.

The chances of you being killed by a terrorist attack on US soil is 1 in 88,000.

But you're more likely to die of....

Heart Disease:1-in-5
Cancer: 1-in-7
Stroke: 1-in-23
Accidental Injury: 1-in-36
Motor Vehicle Accident*: 1-in-100
Intentional Self-harm (suicide): 1-in-121
Falling Down: 1-in-246
Assault by Firearm: 1-in-325
Fire or Smoke: 1-in-1,116
Natural Forces (heat, cold, storms, quakes, etc.): 1-in-3,357
Electrocution*: 1-in-5,000
Drowning: 1-in-8,942
Air Travel Accident*: 1-in-20,000
Flood* (included also in Natural Forces above): 1-in-30,000
Legal Execution: 1-in-58,618
Tornado* (included also in Natural Forces above): 1-in-60,000
Lightning Strike (included also in Natural Forces above): 1-in-83,930

The more specific figures are based on 2001, the most recent year for which complete data are available. Other odds, indicated with an asterisk (*) are based on long-term data.
All figures are for U.S. residents.

According to the National Priority Project, using data from Congressional appropriations, the cost of the war in Iraq is currently about $242,029,505,571. (It will be higher by the time I finish typing this entry and click 'post') If we had spent that money in cancer research, motor vehicle safety, firearm safety, increasing healthy eating & excercise to reduce strokes & heart attacks, funding for fire fighters, swimming lessons, mental health support, building basements... we'd have saved more Americans and made the United States safer than what we're doing now.

You want to talk world-wide? You're more likely to die as a child from malnutrition & diarrheal diseases. We could put that money towards improving food production and distribution around the world, and funding medical access programs in third world countries...

*sigh*

woooooo!

There's a special place in heaven for Patrick, who has taken us to the Prism concert for two years in a row now. Or is it three?

I'm going to go all fangirl and write FSU and ask if the amazing marimba player would autograph my program. Then in a few years I can start looking for recordings by him or something.

heading to bed. Sort of. I'm down to 40KB on my harddrive, so I have to delete some things.

I think I'll make sure J takes multivitamins more often...

It's 9pm, and he's been asleep for half an hour or so. Maybe more. The kids are asleep, and I'm seriously contemplating going to bed too. If everybody in this house is asleep before 10pm, the devil better start knitting a sweater, you know?

Valentine's Day tomorrow - I hope it's a good day for everybody out there, whether you have a significant other or not.

AAAAAUUUUUUUUGH

spent all that time downloading the torrent, only to find out it was the wrong movie.

(#*&@(#$&!@(#@(&$#@#($*#(

And I was really in the mood to watch it, too. Have been for weeks now.



I'm going to bed. Hopefully I can leave the weekend's moodiness behind me and start tomorrow fresh.

OOOOOH, we're gaming Wednesday night! I'm so excited. I was thinking back; I'm not sure I've ever been able to finish a game - something always happened. J is DMing, and I can't wait to see how it goes - I think he's going to be really good. And a very close friend, whose reputation I don't want to damage by naming him here, is going to play with us! {SQUEEEEEEEE!}

For my Babu....

I'd just like to thank you
For all of the things you've done
I've been thinkin' about you
I just want to send my love

I send my best to you
That's my message of love
For all the things you did
I can never thank you enough

Feel like I'm falling
Falling off the face of the earth
Falling off the face of the earth
Feel like I'm falling
Falling off the face of the earth
Falling off the face of the earth

I just want to tell you
You sure mean a lot to me
It may sound simple
But you are the world to me

It's such a precious thing
The time we share together
I must apologize
For the troubled times

Feel like I'm falling
Falling off the face of the earth
Feel like I'm falling
Falling off the face of the earth
Falling off the face of the earth

Feel like I'm falling
Falling off the face of the earth
Falling off the face of the earth
Feel like I'm falling
Falling off the face of the earth

--- Neil Young, "Falling Off The Face Of The Earth"

late night musings

I was listening to Bush speak a few days ago; they were playing a clip wherein he said "I'm mindful of your civil liberties"

Does that strike anybody else the way it struck me? I wish I could find transcripts of, say, Clinton's speeches, and look for him saying something about civil liberties - the liberal in me bets that he would have said "OUR civil liberties."

I'm probably placing too much importance on this one little word, but it really seems to underscore the whole attitude that Bush seems to have of not being "one of us."

flotsam & jetsam from my brain

I think I use this blog more as a way to create some history for myself than anything else - my memory is so crappy that I have large holes, and while I can't seem to keep up with a journal well yet, I am managing to at least babble here occasionally so as not to lose track of everything...

What is the deal with all the cats lately? I frequently see possums, armadillos, even the occasional racoon roadkill - but in the last week or two I swear I've seen five times as many squished kitties as anything else.

I've introduced Moira to oatmeal toast, buttered & salted and dipped in milk. She's hooked too. {grin}

In an effort to allow my poor husband a good night's sleep, we have tried snore strips for me - which evidently work perfectly. I have to say, it's hard not to spiral down into depression when I think about that - I'm thirty, and I find things that make me more like my mother every day. God help me, you know?

On the bright side, Khang has turned over a new leaf, and I can't wait to go biking with him & his sister & J & Moose - he's biked down to St. Marks & back, which would probably kill J & I, we're so out of shape. Not that J & I can afford bikes right now, unfortunately. Nor a kid trailer, which would be cool. Altho I suddenly have a vague recollection that they rent bicycles down there.. hrm.

Have been working on the family web pages. I love Dreamweaver. iWeb is cool, but somewhat limited, I think. I'm beginning to get the hang of CSS just from looking at them - I should just take a few hours to actually look through a tutorial and I'd probably be set.

Is it cool or what that you can get an RSS feed from the Government Accountability Office for their reports et al?

I was at the concert so I missed the State of the Union address... not that I'm sure I could have stomached it anyway. I've never played a drinking game, but I was thinking about playing the SOTU drinking game at Fanatical Apathy.

Looks like there's a pretty strong storm band heading this way... which is nice in some ways (I love storms) but kinda sucky in others - J took the car today and I've got both kids here at the house; I was hoping to let them play outside some. *sigh*

So, I'm stuck at the house today with the kids and no car. I'd love some company, if any of you are in the mood.

OMFG

I haven't laughed so hard in days! You HAVE TO HEAR THIS.

In a performance that deserves an oscar nomination Keith Olbermann ridicules the Fox News poster child Bill O'Reilly.

Well, it was nice to get out of the house, anyway...

Went with my friend Paddy to see Son Volt last night at Club Down Under. The songs of Son Volt I've heard I've liked, but they sound different live. The recordings I heard have the singer(s)' voice(s) mixed in such a way that you hear the voices more than the instruments - but at the concert the instruments were WAY louder - which made the band sound more like a mix of REM, Toad the Wet Sprocket, and They Might Be Giants. (All of which I like, actually, but on recordings they sound more countryish, which is what I was expecting.) The main problem was that it was SO FUCKING LOUD. (Pardon my swearing, but it was awful.) The #($*@$@( sound guy kept turning up the volume - I wanted to go slap his hand and take over the board! Part of it was where we were sitting - I don't remember ever having been at Club Down Under before, but we were in the cave downstairs. Bad place to hear a band.

The opening act, however, was awesome. Patrick bought her CD - her name is Shannon McNally and I really like her too. (She's not hard to look at, either. {grin} Patrick joked that he's going to become her stalker.)

J was an unbelievable sweetie; he volunteered to stay home & watch the kids since last time he got to go out without me - he even got both of them asleep! And Christian didn't cry himself sick! WOOHOO!!! I've said it before and I'll say it again - lucky, lucky me.

Moira is back at school today after being kinda sick yesterday - I let her get lots of sleep; hopefully that nipped it in the bud.

Now to get busy with the fifty million things on my to-do list. TTFN!

Actually spoken in the course of my day

"The most fun you can have with an accordion and a drum machine"


I'm so excited! I wish I didn't feel so much like I'd been run over by a semi

which reminds me of that recent accident near gainesville where a semi killed 7 kids in one family and when the grandfather heard about it he had a heart attack and died...

Sometimes having a brain that works so well with association is a curse.

As my son climbs on my chest and knees me in the eyeball.

What was I saying again?

Stanford lectures on iTunes! I'm never going to sleep again.

Well, whatever I was going to say, it's been lost in the pile that is kids, husband, Hazy Shade of Winter by S&G, and the typical storm of 50 million things in my head.

Drat, forgot it was Tuesday

Came by so the kids could see Paw-paw, but dad's at art class today. Oops.

The kids are asleep in the back seat. I'm sitting in the car running the battery down listening to the radio and trying to charge my cellphone some.

I thought of the COOLEST web application ever. You know how you can go to maps.yahoo.com and get driving directions from point a to point b? Wouldn't it be awesome for geeks like us to be able to put that into a program and have it tell us what NPR stations are along the way? Because I have to say, it really stinks when you're in the middle of listening to some great discussion on NPR, and then you lose the radio signal, and you don't know what the next NPR station is (assuming there is one!) and have to hunt around and hope you run into it before you miss too much...

I don't know if I mentioned that I had to bury my parents' cat Shadow a little while back. My family has always gotten their pets by fate dumping them on our doorsteps. Evidently fate has informed the ether that my parents are petless, because a cat has shown up at their house. Not just shown up at the house, but run into the house uninvited! Mom managed to lure it outside with a bowl of food, but of course that means that it now comes back regularly. It jumps from the porch railing to hang on the kitchen window screen and ask for food.

The wedding this past weekend and the long trip to and from gave me & J a long time to talk and think - I've decided to go back to school. I'm going to finish my bachelor's degree - my friend Robin suggested Interdisciplinary Sciences which would lead in perfectly to what I'm thinking about doing afterwards. I'm still shy about talking about it, but I'm really excited.

So I'm now going to go do some research on what's available in terms of online classes, financial aid, etc. etc. etc.... Donations welcome!

Speechless

It's not often that you catch me at a loss for words. Seeing Erin in her wedding dress was one of those times. Watching the look on Matthew's face when he saw her for the first time as she walked down the aisle. It happened a lot today, actually.

Best. Wedding. EVER.

I have to say, I wish I had girlfriends like these bridesmaids. What an incredible group of intelligent, mature, sane, hysterically funny and pretty darn attractive chicks! I'm seriously thinking about trying to keep in touch with them. The groomsmen were great, too - Moira took a shine to Michael immediately, for which I don't blame her. George warmed up into an amazing sweetie, and Evan and his new wife were adorable. I heard that the three or them at one point were singing Harvard fight songs - George is evidently a piano virtuoso, and they were doing 3 part harmonies - I would have LOVED to be there for that! It was even great fun hanging out with Dustin again - as J says, he's a great guy; J can only take him in small doses. I can understand that. :) Catherine was there - I've gotta spend more time with her when we get back to Tally. And Sarah! Geez; I wish I'd spent more time with her in high school!

I've never been so honored to be a part of something. The preacher was awesome; J & I are sad he's all the way up here in St. Louis! So hard to find a preacher you like, you know? The church was GORGEOUS, and the place where the reception was held was incredible. The entire bridal party rode to the reception in a limo! That was great fun. A whole weekend of firsts for me! First time in St. Louis, first time as a bridesmaid, first time in a limo, first time at a head table... no snow, but I'm actually okay with that. There will be other opportunities.

The kids were awesome. Charmed the pants off just about everybody. Incredibly patient and laid back. And fucking adorable, if I do say so myself. The evening was a little more complicated with them, but everybody was very generous and accommodating and so it wasn't a gigantic issue. At the end of it all, though, I was so exhausted that it took me a while to walk to the car in the parking lot when we left. J was an enormous help with the kids; I am so lucky to have such a good partner.

I can't wait to see the pictures. We're probably taking the kids to the zoo here tomorrow (they've got some really nifty stuff here it sounds like!) and then we're heading back to Tennessee. Flying would have been less complicated, but then we wouldn't have been able to see J's grandparents, which is wonderful. It's really nice to be able to spend time with them when it's not Christmas and there aren't 30 people there. :)

It's 8am my time (so 7am here) and I'm going to try to go back to sleep. I'm still pretty exhausted. I would have loved to get together with Catherine et al when they got back to the hotel, but I was having trouble standing upright, I was that tired.

Oh, and BTW - J looked incredibly handsome in his tux. I wasn't too bad either, I'm told.

I forgot what I was going to say...

In St. Louis. Having a great time. Had some amazingly cool thought I wanted to share whilst driving up. Can't remember it right now. Maybe after getting some rest it'll come back to me.

I'm so excited about tomorrow!!!! I can't wait.

snnnnzzzzxxxxxx

Yet another reason why I need to get back into chorus

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5159728

Happy MLKJr Day

Yesterday I attempted my first baked good with gluten-free flour. I used soy flour for peanut butter cookies. Big hit! Both J & Patrick loved them. They tasted better cooked than raw, actually - that raw soy taste is a bit overwhelming.

Good day yesterday. J picked up some rye wasa at the store and came back to feed me smoked salmon, cream cheese & capers on wasa for breakfast. Yummmmmm. And mimosas!

The house is mostly clean, too - there's some clutter from the kids yesterday that I need to jump on before it multiplies. Our bedroom is a disaster area, but I'm hoping to work on that today. I really want my desk cleaned off so I can work at it!

So if you'd like to come over & play, please do - I'm carless today, and I'm thinking about making a big southern breakfast.

Wooohoo! drunk post!

What a wonderful night. Patrick bought me a bottle of Riesling. All for myself. That and a glass (or more, as J says Patrick kept refilling it) of red and I am hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Duck. Duck yummy. Clusters & Hops, wow. LAVOSH!

Going to snuggle with little boy. No nursing!