I've been waiting to see this laid out

In the Silence, War Continues


During the first half of the 20th century the United States spearheaded the movement to make war illegal.

Based on the standards that were set then, based on international and American law, and based on the facts, a clear-cut and convincing case can be made that the invasion of Iraq was a crime.

It is impossible to imagine that George Bush and Dick Cheney and the rest of their group will actually be brought into court and charged and perhaps that is the reason that the response has been silence. We do not even discuss what makes a war legal or illegal. It has not and will not be debated on the floor of the US Senate. It won't be the subject of an investigation in the Washington Post or the New York Times. It won't be a segment on 60 Minutes or an item the NBC Nightly News. Anyone who says that the invasion of Iraq was a war crime will probably be dismissed as a member of the loony left.

Nonetheless, it is worthwhile to know where the moral high ground used to be.
* * *

The movement to seriously end war came out of the First World War.

All the nations marched to the battlefields eagerly. They had visions of flying banners, glorious cavalry charges, feats of courage and derring-do. What they met was a new kind of war. War as an industrial slaughter. It decimated an entire generation. It bankrupted a continent.

The Second World War reinforced that experience.

Although some of the victors emerged rich and powerful and although the movies and memoirs were filled with heroism and glory, the participants got together and said, this was a horror and whoever starts one of these things has committed a crime.

A terrible crime.

The Law

In 1928 the Kellogg-Briand Pact was signed. It renounced war as "an instrument of policy."

It's a treaty and it's still in effect and that makes it, according to Article VI of the Constitution, American law:

... all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of the United States, shall be the supreme law of the land; and the judges in every state shall be bound thereby, anything in the Constitution or laws of any State to the contrary notwithstanding.

Germany and Japan were also among the signatories. Obviously, they did not abide by it. But their violation of the treaty became one of the legal foundations for the war crimes trials.

Three types of war crimes were defined at Nuremberg in 1945: crimes committed during war as violations of the norms of war, crimes against humanity, like genocide, and, on top of the list, was to start a war:

To initiate a war of aggression, therefore, is not only an international crime; it is the supreme international crime differing only from other war crimes in that it contains within itself the accumulated evil of the whole.

That same year, in another step toward trying to end war, at least between countries, the United Nations was formed. The UN Charter, Article 2, Section 4, says:

All Members shall refrain in their international relations from the threat or use of force against the territorial integrity or political independence of any state ....

The United States, one of the founders of the UN, signed the charter. It is, like the Kellogg-Briand Pact, a treaty. Therefore it becomes, according to the Constitution, part of US law.

Self-Defense

Self-defense is legal.

Nothing in Kellogg-Briand or the UN Charter says or implies that a nation can't defend itself.

Preventive War

Preventive war is an extension of self-defense.

The idea is that if a bad guy is coming down the street with a gun you don't have to wait until he's in your house before you can shoot back.

That sounds like rough common sense and it has a great deal of emotional appeal.

But bear in mind that if you yell at the guy and he runs away, or if he drops his gun, or if you have time to call the police and they've arrived, shooting the guy is no longer self-defense, it's somewhere between hysterical manslaughter and murder.

Historically, the idea of preventive war has been very narrowly construed, just like shooting someone down in the street on the grounds that they are a threat to you. There has to be "a necessity of self-defense," and it has to be "instant, overwhelming, leaving no choice of means, and no moment for deliberation," and the act of self-defense "must be limited by that necessity, and kept clearly within it."

Preemptive War

Preemptive war, also called Bush Doctrine, is an extension of preventive war.

The big difference is that the threat no longer has to be "instant" or even immanent.

The idea is that if an opponent has both nuclear weapons and the will to use them, then the downside risk is so grave that it requires action to be taken before "the smoking gun is a mushroom cloud."

Once that's said, the idea extends itself even further. It spreads out like an oil slick. The enemy doesn't actually have to have nukes. They could have a program. Or merely the intent to have a program. Nor does it have to be nuclear. They could have the intent to have biological or chemical weapons programs. Nor is it necessary for them to exhibit or have a history of threatening to use those weapons against us. It is enough that if they have such a weapon sometime in the future, they might give it to someone else who is willing to use it.

Let us say that all makes sense and it is justifiable, the underlying justification still remains the same -- self-defense.

If the enemy is disarmed, then the necessity for self-defense disappears.

Just as once a suspect has dropped his gun and raised his hands, no matter how horrible his crime is, no matter how good a person the policeman is, if the policeman shoots him, it's murder.

Rogue States

There is one more legal way to go to war.

The UN Charter calls for "collective action" against a state that is out of control and dangerous to the rest of the world, a region or to one of it's neighbors.

It requires Security Council agreement and there have been three UN authorized wars, the Korean War, Gulf War One and Somalia.

The United Nations did not authorize military action Iraq.

It authorized pressure against Saddam Hussein to get him to admit inspectors and to disarm.

The Facts

The United States and the United Nations demanded that Saddam Hussein accept weapons inspectors and give them unlimited access so as to prove that he had disarmed as he had agreed to do after the First Gulf War.

Saddam Hussein agreed to that, in both word and deed.

The inspectors went to Iraq. They got in everywhere they asked to go.

They did not find prohibited weapons, except for a few that had been overlooked or lost in the shuffle and the Iraqis promptly destroyed them. They did not find any programs to produce prohibited weapons.

As proving a negative is difficult, the inspectors could not guarantee that no weapons existed. They asked for more time.

Let us stop right there. Let us examine that moment.

If there was any doubt that Saddam was somehow not fully disarmed, he was like a "perp" up against the wall, arms and legs spread wide, being frisked.

Effectively, he was disarmed.

The need for self-defense, even a preventive or preemptive self-defense, was over. The justification for war was gone.

Instead of being pleased that the threat was over, the Bush administration demanded that the inspectors stop their work and leave Iraq.

Then they changed the rules. They no longer demanded that Saddam disarm. Or even that he prove that he had disarmed. Now, the only way to stop the invasion, was for Saddam to abdicate and leave the country.

If the invasion of Iraq was not a matter of self-defense -- however much the definition was stretched -- and it was not sanctioned as collective action -- it was a war of aggression.

There are no mitigating circumstances, except, perhaps, the silence.

The silence, vast and still, came from the media. It came from our other politicians. From our historians, lawyers and generals, from our priests, ministers, rabbis and imams, who failed to step forward and say, wait, once upon a time we said that waging an aggressive war was the supreme international crime differing only from other war crimes in that it contains within itself the accumulated evil of the whole.

Once upon a time we hung people for the crime of waging an aggressive war.

We are continuing that war. We have already begun the preparations for another war.

We may not be able to stop this administration from committing war crimes, we may not be able to bring them to justice, but we can end the silence.


Larry Beinhart is the author of Fog Facts: Searching for Truth in the Land of Spin, and The Librarian and Wag the Dog, available at Nationbooks.org.

A shout-out to my homegirl

Happy Birthday Robin! J says much love too. I've decided to start playing the lottery so if I win I can send you back to Italy. Thanks so much for having us over, we're always glad to spend time with you.


I heard today on the radio that Barack Obama is going to be in town tomorrow - so I'm going to rearrange my day to take a listen. I'm a bit excited, actually.

Amazingly enough, it is 9:41pm, and everybody but me is asleep. At least I think J is asleep. If not, he's at least resting quietly.


OMG, Patrick doesn't know who Barack Obama is! AAAAUUGGH!!

I wish I could figure out why my jaw keeps breaking out in hives. Or whatever. Itchy slightly raised bumpy...

Okay, going to catch up on news - and refrain from having ice cream. :)

Help! I've forgotten my mantra!

10 points to whomever can name the movie.

I totally forgot what I was going to say.

Dammit, I hate it when that happens.

It's hell to get old...

So yesterday J gets pulled over by a sheriff with a bad attitude because the tag on dad's car is past 6 months expired. Oops. Now, we should have checked something like that, but it didn't occur to us - c'est la vie, right? J got off with a warning, and I called the 'rents to ask if they knew where the registration etc. were so I could renew the tag.

So when I get here this morning to make dad breakfast, he says "when we go to the tax place to renew the tag, I'm going to give them what for" and I, feeling bitchy, play dumb. Why? I ask.. and dad says it's THEIR fault they didn't send me one of those postcard things to renew the tag! I said um, no - that card is sent out as a courtesy; it's your responsibility to renew your tag, it happens every year during your birth month.

*sigh*

In one of those long conversations with mom yesterday (because it's damn near impossible NOT to have a long conversation with her) she asked if I wanted to make some money; she'd pay me for doing housework, doing the grocery shopping etc. I told her that I'd actually suggested that to J; that I incorporate and write off the car, gas, insurance etc. on the taxes as a business expense...

Is it Friday yet?

Is this me in 30 years?

Kill me now if so.

I dropped off a prescription for dad yesterday; I remembered mom saying that Walgreens was more expensive than Albertsons had been, and they were probably going to switch back... so I asked the woman if they had any insurance listed for dad. Surprise surprise - no. So later I dropped by dad's insurance card, and called mom to tell her to pick up the prescription on the way home, and that dad's insurance card should be in the bag with the medicine. She asked if I'd asked them about getting a refund for the last 3 or 4 prescriptions we'd gotten filled there for dad, and I said no.

So this morning when I get to dad's to make him breakfast, I ask him if the medicine was helpful at all, and he said he didn't know, he didn't have it yet. I said what do you mean? Mom was supposed to pick it up on the way home last night. Evidently mom went by Walgreens and asked them about refunding the difference for the previous prescriptions. They told her that she'd have to talk to CHP about that. I don't know what transpired, but mom got so pissed off that she told them to keep the damn medication and left.

Okay, what part of insurance covered medication do you not understand? Mom said that she was asking Walgreens for the money because they were the ones who had been paid the money. DOH. Okay, as I understand it, Walgreens gets the same amount of money for a drug regardless of who pays. If you don't have insurance, you pay for all of it. If you do have insurance, insurance pays for part and you pay for the rest. Most pharmacies I know don't go back and file claims with the insurance company for past purchases, so if you want the difference back, you have to contact the insurance company so they can pay you what they would have originally paid Walgreens - since you've already paid Walgreens.

Am I wrong? Anyway, I'm waiting for mom to let me know what the hell happened so I can go get dad's medicine from whenever. How much you want to bet that it becomes an hour long conversation? *sigh*

The life of a wife of a network/system administrator

Some nights you'll wake up in the middle of the night and discover your husband next to you on his laptop.

Some nights you'll go to bed together, only to get a phone call/page at some obscene hour that means he's getting up, and possibly getting dressed and heading to the office.

Some nights he'll be staying late at the office to do some stuff while nobody's using the network. Sometimes things don't go well and you get a call at 2:30am to tell you he's still not done and will be there until morning.

Some major holidays - New Years, 4th of July, etc. - mean the company's network is finally available to do work on, since nobody's working. This means your husband IS working.


Next post will be the good things. It's just 3am and I'm tired.

Time for a late night stream-of-consciousness post

It's not actually that late... don't know why I'm falling asleep. Maybe because J's still at work. Listening to Breathe on repeat. Not sure why I'm doing this. It's my habit of smacking an emotional bruise repeatedly until it's numb and doesn't hurt anymore. Planning on selling the house and getting a place closer to J's work, and friends. I've decided to not tell mom we're moving. We're taking bets on how long it takes her to find out. Considering part of the reason we were looking for a house on this side of town was because she wanted us close, but she's not been here since what, Thanksgiving? Have lost track. Patrick's betting on 3 weeks, wanna join the pool? I'm looking forward to selling 99% of our stuff, actually. J just called, he's getting food because the server won't come back up so he's going to be there for a while, hopefully won't have to rebuild it tonight. Khang came over this afternoon/evening, it was good to see him. His work is stressing him out - too many idiots, too much unfair bullshit. I think I'll ask if I can borrow his sister's bike so we can go riding. I was trying to figure out how to locate cathedrals the other night. I felt the need to go sit by myself in a large sacred space. A large untouched wilderness would do too, actually. And the wilderness might not be locked, like most churches are anymore days. I need a safe place. I'd like church more if it weren't for the people. Ironic, that. I wish I could find an old fashioned church building that just had sacred choir music 24/7. here in town again tell he's been down for a while but my god it's so beautiful when the boy smiles wanna hold him maybe I'll just sing about it. I think I'll check the schedule at FSU and see if there are any interesting free musical performances. Falling asleep while typing leads you to write interesting things. Winter just wasn't my season. I can't believe it's already so hot here.

What was I going to say? Shoot, dunno. Maybe it'll come to me. Tomorrow. Sleep now. Life's like an hourglass glued to the table.

note to self

I made the observation the other day that I should go back through my blog entries and see if I can find a pattern in my moods, because it's usually obvious where I am from what and how I say it.

I'm on an upswing today; hopefully it will continue. Between PMS hormonal stuff and situational stress stuff, the last few days have been, well, awful.

I still have the song from yesterday stuck in my head, but now this one is taking turns with it...

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
(Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield)

Can you tell I've been listening to local music stations? I've been too stressed out and disgusted to listen to NPR much recently. No news is good news. *sigh*

If it's stuck in my head, I might as well pass it along

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl,
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
Just a day, he sat down to the flask in his fist,
Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
Inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
And breathe, just breathe
Woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

(Breathe by Anna Nalick)

A word of advice

When you find a friend - a true, real, loving, loyal friend - hold on to them with all you have. They're worth their weight in diamonds.

You know who you are - thank you. I won't forget how lucky I am to know you.

I'm sure smart people have already made this argument

This occurred to me while I was driving the other day - part of the reason we have trouble with politicians being bought is because making donations to a political party/person/cause/whatever is considered a form of free speech, right?

Two things here: 1) it's called FREE speech.
2) the entire concept of free speech (as I understand anyway) is that any and everybody has the right to speak as much as they desire about anything they desire. (With the obvious caveat of not shouting Fire in a crowded theatre, of course.)

By that very definition then, donation of money should not be considered free speech because not everyone has an equal amount of money to spend, so not everyone has the opportunity to "speak" as much as they want.

WHEEEEEEE

Okay, so yesterday was bleh, but maybe because I took my B vitamins this morning I have ENERGY!!!

Here's a game to play: when you're at the supermarket, look at the "women's" magazines. Try to find one that does not simultaneously have some luscious looking dessert and a new diet plan on the cover. In the years I've been playing this game, I've seen ONE.

I'm really excited about a character I'm in the middle of creating - a shadow dancer! I can't wait.

mmmmmm, grits.

Color me amazed...

It's amazing, but our six fish are doing wonderfully. The tank is gorgeous, I've rearranged it so the really-powerful-filter is situated so it's not likely to suck up a sleeping goldfish. They're perky, eating (and pooping) just fine - go figure.

I've got to go make breakfast for my dad (& son) now. Probably more later.

Oh, and btw, Uncle Patrick skunked me at a game of scrabble last night - beat me by 98 points! Unreal. I must be slipping. If anybody has any good scrabble mojo to send my way, please do. (and at some point I'll have $10 so I can register at the pixie pit and play with Justin's grandmother again, dangit.)

***EDIT***
Yes, pictures of fishies coming soon.

And ironically, mojo was one of Patrick's words.

Well THAT was fun

I firmly believe moms have a 6th sense. I don't know what it is that made me go look; maybe I heard something that my subconscious mind latched on to - but for whatever reason, I went into the kids' bedroom to see Moira dumping half the container of goldfish flakes into the tank. And all over the dresser. And the floor.

I tried to scoop out as many flakes as possible, realized that there was no way in hell I could get enough out, and ran to our local wally world (ugh) to get a new filter, some dechlorination stuff (as I didn't have time to let the water sit), and some stress-aid stuff.

Gandalf, Merry, Pippin, Gimli, Legolas, and Ernie (Christian re-christened Aragorn) have had the shock of their lives; hopefully they'll survive.

The fish food and all other fish stuff has been put on a newly-installed very high shelf on the wall.

Manic, or just not depressed?

Yesterday was great. Justin was at work all night and didn't get home until morning. Patrick offered to take me & the kids to Ice Age 2, which was perfect because then we'd be out of the house for a while so J could get some sleep. (Thank you for the movie, Uncle Patrick! It was a lot of fun, even with C so tired.) We dropped by Broadway to see if Uncle Ben was working - he was, and Uncle Noah was there too! Ben comped us lunch (Thanks, Uncle Ben! You're a sweetie - us broke people appreciate your generosity.) and then we went to Tar-zhea to get silverware. Uncle Patrick was feeling domestic. Amongst other things. (So do you like the silverware, or have you had a chance to use it? We can still go to BB&B if you want. {evil grin}) We drove thru Summerbrooke to see a friend's new house - you know, the neighborhood's okay, but most of the houses in there don't do much for me. I mean, they're obviously large and expensive, but... eh. We headed back home & broke out a puzzle while giving J a little longer to nap - I'm not sure why I picked a 1000 piece puzzle. I think I'm a masochist. Oh, who am I kidding? I love puzzles. After putting the kids to bed, we all geeked out with a D&D game. J's really coming along as a DM, and I was in a great mood and really into it. Didn't want to stop, in fact, so taking P home around 2am sucked. When I got back home, after J put Moira back to bed, we got some exercise and then headed for sleep.

That's the point at which I started thinking. The Wellbutrin seems to be doing well for me. So was I manic? Or just not depressed for the first time in forever? I felt like I did at the beginning of high school. Without the angst, mind you. I feel like writing. I used to write stories, and poetry... heck, my stories won awards... but I've not felt really creative in a long while. My libido seems to be coming back. {grin} I don't look at all the things around me and feel overwhelmed - I just feel like shrugging and saying, 'well, better get started!' I explained it to J that it was as though I'd been wearing sunglasses for so long I'd forgotten they were on there, and then took them off, and OMG, it's BRIGHT out here!

But maybe I'm rationalizing. Maybe these are manic spikes. Maybe it's dangerous to enjoy them too much. I feel like singing... I feel like dancing... I can say "this is the first day of the rest of my life" and it doesn't make me feel tired! I made six custard pies the other day; there are still 3 1/2 in the fridge. (I need to deliver them to my parents' house.) I want to plant a garden, and some flowers... it's spring... I almost feel like I'm in love; it's that giddy happiness you have when you look at the world. Do normal people sometimes feel like this? Should I be worried?

Those of you reading who aren't familiar with bipolar disorder may be saying "Hey, what's the big deal? You feel good! Enjoy it!" On some level, I am. Man, it sucks that an illness can make you WORRIED when you're happy. When I'm manic, I'm a lot more likely to do stupid, reckless things. I bite off more than I can chew. I overextend myself. My inhibitions are lowered. My emotions are more open to the world - and those of you who know me, know I wear my heart on my sleeve as it is - becoming MORE exposed sorta makes me tremble to think about.

And that seems to describe me lately.

But then there's the voice inside my head - the one most depressives have, that says "What if this is not an illness, not some sort of brain chemical imbalance, but just evidence that you're an awful person? That you're selfish and undisciplined and lazy? What if this is just a particularly awful character flaw? Am I copping out; blaming a mental illness for being a horrid bitch? What is wrong with me that I can't control my feelings more; that I can't behave normally? On some level do I WANT to be diagnosed as mentally ill because it gives me license to misbehave?"

Okay, wow, that did a good job of bringing me down.

But after going and re-reading this post, I don't feel beaten down. I look out my back door, and think that while I don't begrudge any creature having happy sex, I do wish the oak trees weren't spooging all over everything. (How's THAT for a mental picture?) I'm glad I don't have pollen allergies.

However, now that I've used this space to babble and generally attempt to explore the inside of my skull, I do really need to get to work on this house - it's been a constant source of stress (along with finances) and if I can just get it a little less cluttered I'd be happier. I'm even planning on taking stuff over to Kaye's for her giant garage sale, whenever that ends up being held.

And to totally geek out (like playing D&D all hours of the night isn't geeky enough, right?) I cannot WAIT to see West Wing tonight!!!! {bounces off}

New additions to the family

I don't know if I mentioned it or not, but earlier this week I brought home 8 feeder goldfish for the tank in the kids' room. Two died before I came up with names, but now that I've figured out what the rest of their names are, I know the name of at least one of the deceased ones.

The white one is Gandalf. The white and orange one is Legolas. The muddy-calico one is Gimli (he's the smallest). The two gold metallic ones are Merry & Pippin, one's stouter and the other has a longer tail. The biggest one, the prototypical orange goldfish, is Aragorn.

So at least one of the ones that died was Boromir. I'm not sure who the 2nd one was. Probably Sam or Frodo.

feast or famine

Woke up today, said the hell with it, and went back to sleep. Didn't even take Moira to school.

Yesterday, however, was another story. I knew I was on a semi-manic upswing when I woke up at 3:30ish and decided that rather than going back to sleep I wanted to work on my webpage. At 5:15, J woke up and told me to go the hell back to sleep, so I did. Then got up at 6 something, took a shower, got the kids' clothes laid out, got dressed, and laid back down. Got up later, took M to school, dropped off mom's old battery at the place on West Tennessee St. (since I was over there), then went & made breakfast for dad. Then took nap with C, then went to pick up Moira, then took lunch to J (because he'd run out of gas), then went grocery shopping at Publix for family, then took the groceries to Aunt Anne, then dropped by Albertsons for the last 3 things Publix didn't have, then took groceries to my parents' house, then met Patrick at his apartment to take him to an appt (I was early! What a shock), then went and picked up J, then went home, and J went & picked up Patrick at 6:30 and brought him back to our house, I made dinner, we all ate, J bathed & put the kids to bed & I took P home.


I think that's why I'm tired now.
At this point, I don't want more hours in every day. I'd just fill them up, and days like this tire me out already. I want four or five of me. Where's a rogue cloner when you need one? Or a teleporter that I can make malfunction, then merge all the copies back together afterwards....

4 am and all is well

I still would like to have an extra ten hours or so in every day... but I'm going to do what I can to use what I've got.

I am generally a fan of Benjamin Franklin

but this daylight savings time thing? Not so much.

Got home, J & I made dinner, fed everybody, then went for walk (YAY!) then back home, bath, and bed. Kids were in bed by 8:30. And J & I fell asleep too. (Which is probably why it's 1:40am and I'm up. I'd not been sleeping very deeply anyway, and I remembered I'd not put all the food away.)

Read the kids Animalia by Graeme Base (forgive any misspellings, it's late) before bed. Is it only my obsessive compulsive bent that makes me want to sit down and make a list of everything I see on every page? If you've not seen it, go look, and you'll see what I mean.

I love my cat, but if he kneads me with his claws in my thigh one more time I'm going to throw him off my lap.

So DeLay is not only not running for re-election, but he's vacating his seat early! It's like Christmas in April. Anybody wanna take bets on what his former chief of staff (who just pleaded guilty to taking gifts from lobbyists in exchange for getting DeLay to vote certain ways) is going to say DeLay was in on?

I was just reading stuff linked from HuffPo, but I don't have the mental fortitude to read about the political eulogies created for Delay by his fellow republicans, or about the analysis of Bush's tax cuts (I got to the "for taxpayers with incomes greater than $10 million" and my head started to hurt)... so the hell with it, it's almost 3am, I'm going back to sleep.

tipsy posts are almost as much fun as drunk posts

Warning: strong language




Why do they call it strong language, I wonder? Anyway, I'm about to start a D&D game (woohoo!) at Uncle Patrick's house, and I just have to vent some.

Oh my god, how fucking stupid do you have to be? Okay, so mom's battery seems to have died. So I plugged it up to the trickle charger, and we left dad's car (that we've been using as our 2nd car) so they'd have a reliable transportation device. So we're taking the kids to Springtime Tallahassee, we're at the parade, and my cellphone rings. It's mom; I couldn't hear her because she was on her speakerphone at home. (How many times have I explained the difference between full duplex and half duplex? Thank God I didn't have to go into it this time.) Anyway, so later I call her back and discover that she wants me to come to her house, and either drop off J or take the car myself to West Tennessee St. to this one particular place to get a battery.

Why the fuck drive a car with an unreliable battery across town? Just take the goddamned battery out of the car, get into the OTHER car, and go get a replacement. This is on top of her saying that she was cancelling Sue & I taking her out to dinner for her birthday because she didn't have the time. Fucking A, she can't take enough time to go out to dinner for her birthday because she has too many papers to grade. So when J & I were pointing out that she could just take the battery out (all you need is a wrench) she was grumpy and said "Thanks for your help, goodbye" and hung up.

I managed not to throw the phone, but that was only because I was driving.

No, I'm sorry, I don't feel like being helpful when you're being a FUCKING MORON about it. First of all, why the fuck do I have to drive all the way out to goddamned West Tennessee street? It's not like there aren't places that sell batteries everyfuckingwhere. Second of all, why the hell should I take the car that has stranded you twice?

So tomorrow is the family get-together at the father-in-law's place. Not gonna be there! I guess I should be nice and tell him we're not coming - the message he left us was saying that it was so Andy & Megan & the boys could say goodbye to everybody, basically - so I'm not sure; I can't exactly say "no, we're not coming - they don't want to see us anyway" because then that opens up the whole conversation as to why Andy isn't speaking to me. And while I don't blame him for not speaking to me, I think him saying that he won't be anywhere I or J is going to be is just retarded - I mean, what the hell kind of actor are you if you can't be in a family gathering and pretend everything is hunky-dory? {evil grin} He's been doing it for years! Of course, there is that bitchy side of me that says "oooh, go, and fuck with them" but it's just not worth the time or stress. Besides, they have enough problems without having to deal with obnoxious family members.

I'm going to take my progressively drunker self and go decide what I'm doing campaign-wise. Maybe I'll roll up a new character. Or just go shopping with this one. Hrm.

"the pear shaped tone!"

Is it Friday yet?

Woke up an hour late.
Mom called & told me not to worry about picking up the crown molding for her lab, that she could do it tomorrow.
J took Moira to school. (She was late.)
I went to parents' house, made dad & C breakfast. (French toast, yum.)
Went to psych appt. (Was late.)
Learned can't have C with me at appt, filled out paperwork, will reschedule when I have a babysitter.
Went by mom's school to drop off some of her papers.
Went back to parents' house, warmed up lunch for C, paid some bills with dad.
Went to counselor's appt.
Went to J's work, picked up him & car seat.
Got lunch with J on way to picking up Moira from school.
Took J back to his office.
Went back to parents' house to check on dad, waited for mom to get home.
Waited for J to get there, left to go home.

***EDIT***
Not sure how I forgot this... on way home, car ran out of gas. Coasted into gas station after dying in middle of intersection. (J & I had switched cars; he told me it needed gas, and MAN did it need gas - barely got to the darn gas station.)
**********

Arrived home, found power was off.
Drove looking for a network to get on to pay power bill.
Paid power bill, had 2 hours to kill before power was turned back on.
Went to Uncle Patrick's house (THANK YOU!) and watched tv.
Went home - power on! Yay! Came inside, went to bed.


What a way to start the week, you know? How was YOUR monday?

You can have one - ONE! - at a time!!!

#(*$&@(%&(@#$&

My son is much worse than my daughter was - inevitably, he's nursing on one breast, and feels the need to tweak the other nipple. I've managed not to break his fingers yet, but I've been tempted.

Yesterday was entertaining. Patrick and Justin cleaned out the den! We now have an adult room. A place to put puzzles, woohoo! In the process of putting boxes of not-gotten-unpacked-or-sorted crap into the shed for the near future, J found one of my old keychain mace things, and handed it to Patrick saying "Wanna mace somebody?" Patrick, who is roughly half deaf, didn't quite get what J was saying, and as he messed with the thing, maced J in the face.

So I'm in the back bedroom trying to put the kids down for a nap, and Patrick comes back and says don't worry, but I've maced your husband. (That explains that sound out back that sounds like projectile retching, I think to myself.)

It's never dull around here, you know?

It's started already

It's a lovely early spring rainy day. I generally like this kind of weather. Yesterday I started the medication switch, and it's amazing how quickly I feel an effect. Last night's dreaming was full of anger and depression and paranoia... and betrayal... first dream I was in a mental institution, and angry at the doctor telling me what to do or what was wrong with me. I remember yelling at him as I went to take a shower that if the world didn't suck so bad I'd be perfectly fine. He & J were agreeing about something. After J woke me up coming back to bed from finally getting M to sleep (and I'd probably been asleep an hour at most) I had a dream about being in the military with my husband and him deciding to do something that involved him being shipped away from me, and being fawned on by young enlisted women... and in both dreams, oddly enough, sex got interrupted. I just realized that.

Listening to the sound of the rain was nice last night, however. I was a little wound up thinking about my parents and all I need to get done, and couldn't relax easily. I'm about to go take a nice, long shower with some yummy smelling body wash I got on clearance.

tired posts aren't anywhere near as fun as drunk posts

If the time stamp on this entry is correct, you'll see that I'm writing this at ten til 3. AM.

I just got back from my parents' house. Dad fell out of bed trying to get to the bathroom. Mom called a neighbor who helped her get him up (bless them; am dropping by a thank you card in the morning) and after dad messed up the bed, I brought underbed pads etc.

You'd think changing diapers for 3 years would make me immune to the smell of poo. I gotta say, 85 yr old man poo smells a lot different than toddler poo. Yikes.

Anyway, I'm just now beginning to get a taste of what it's going to be like to have elderly parents and be an only child. I've been worried about it for years, but I don't think I was prepared.

I'm now wondering how much that house down the street is listed at.

Sleepy time now. Must get myself more in order in the morning.

Well, it's a start

Last night is the first night I've gotten any restful sleep in three days. I still woke up feeling like I'd been beaten with a bar of soap in a sock, though.

Dad's coming home from rehab today! I hope he does okay at home; I'm probably going to be spending a lot of time over there.

I wonder if I can get Christian back to sleep....

Oh, and we celebrated with Uncle Patrick last night - happy days!

My doctor's appt. is tomorrow; we'll see how that goes.

Join the new adventure!

After several conversations with guy friends of mine over the last week or two, I decided to start a blog that's a collection of romantic ideas for people who seem to have trouble thinking something up.

Come share your ideas!

My head hurts

Before I start my bitching, I do have to say that on the bright side, I did notice today for the first time this spring the wisteria blooming. So I started looking at all the flowers that were blooming... saw both white and purple wisteria! Woohoo!

Anyway, I'm tired of stupidity. Aren't you? I don't even feel like going into details now. Not worth it. As long as there are humans alive, there will be stupidity. Maybe that's what heaven is - the absence of stupidity.

And all the stupid drains to hell. Hell is other people. Other stupid people. But you know, if everybody in hell is stupid, then none of them would realize they were in hell...

Maybe we're in hell now. That would explain a lot.


Dad comes home from the rehab hospital tomorrow. I have to go tomorrow morning and install the bed risers, the toilet grab bars, and perhaps the shower seat - we might wait on that last one.

What a year

It's only March, but I feel like we've been running full tilt for most of the past 3 months.

Dad's still in the rehab hospital, but he's doing well, and he might get to come home this week. We need to do some work to the house to make it safer for him to come & go & move around - if you know a good local contractor, please let me know, as some of it is extensive work. (Both the bathrooms need to be replaced)

My brother came down this weekend with his wife and two kids - okay, well, half-brother. It was good to see him. Even if he is a republican.

My sister-in-law and her two kids are now in town... I'm not sure if she's talking to me or not, and I'm not in the mood to deal with drama, so hopefully things will go smoothly.

And the news du jour: my mood swings have started up again. *sigh* Well, I had three years of relative sanity, so hopefully I can use those as a sort of litmus test for where I'm at emotionally at any given point. I just realized that only part of the reason for my recent weight gain was that I'm a lazy couch potato that doesn't eat particularly well - the weight gain with zoloft is 15-20lbs. Urgh. Hard to not be depressed when you put on extra weight. :) I think I'll ask my doc about Wellbutrin. And J did some research and discovered that ultradian cycling might be caused by a thyroid imbalance, and that synthroid, when given to some people, balances out the mood swings - whether they've tested hypothyridic or not. So it looks like I have a few options; we'll see what happens.

As soon as I can afford to get a bicycle, I'm going to start riding again! I actually have three people that are willing to go riding with me (one of which being J, but he doesn't have a bike yet either) and I can't wait. I'm hoping to get the kids one of those bike trailer things so they can sit in it and ride along - them both being too young to _bike_ the St. Mark's trail with us, and I don't feel safe with a baby seat thing up on the bike. I'm not that coordinated.

Anybody got a bike they wanna donate?

Anyway, it's almost 11:30 and I need to go to sleep. I hope all is well with y'all out there in electronville; have a good week.

say that again?

%47%65%65%6B%73%20%6F%66%20%61%20%66%65%61%74%68%65%72%20%66%6C%6F%63%6B%20%74%6F%67%65%74%68%65%72%2E%20%20%49%66%20%79%6F%75%27%76%65%20%74%72%61%6E%73%6C%61%74%65%64%20%74%68%69%73%2C%20%79%6F%75%27%72%65%20%65%69%74%68%65%72%20%61%20%64%65%64%69%63%61%74%65%64%20%66%72%69%65%6E%64%2C%20%61%20%63%75%72%69%6F%75%73%20%67%65%65%6B%2C%20%6F%72%20%73%6F%6D%65%74%68%69%6E%67%20%69%6E%20%62%65%74%77%65%65%6E%2E%0D%0A%0D%0A%49%27%6D%20%67%6F%69%6E%67%20%74%6F%20%73%74%61%72%74%20%6C%6F%6F%6B%69%6E%67%20%66%6F%72%20%61%20%6A%6F%62%2C%20%73%6F%20%69%66%20%61%6E%79%20%6F%66%20%79%6F%75%20%6F%75%74%20%74%68%65%72%65%20%68%61%76%65%20%68%65%61%72%64%20%6F%66%20%6F%6E%65%20%49%20%6D%69%67%68%74%20%6C%69%6B%65%2F%62%65%20%67%6F%6F%64%20%61%74%2F%6D%61%6B%65%20%64%65%63%65%6E%74%20%6D%6F%6E%65%79%20%61%74%2C%20%6C%65%74%20%6D%65%20%6B%6E%6F%77%2C%20%6F%6B%61%79%3F%00

Have you seen Animal House?

Otter: Take it easy, I'm pre-law.
Boon: I thought you were pre-med.
Otter: What's the difference?



Those of you that know me know that for a long time I was aiming at med school. I'd thought about specializing as an ob/gyn - at least until I spent a good deal of time volunteering at an ob/gyn's office. I decided that midwifery was more my speed.

Lately I've been reconsidering. I've gotten so frustrated and fed up with politics that I've felt the urge to get involved and try to change it. (When I'm not so sick of other human beings that I just want to buy a private island and tell the rest of the planet to fuck off, that is.)

I'd been thinking about this quote by Otter, and worrying that perhaps people weren't going to take me seriously, and wondering why I seemed to have lost my desire to be a physician, and it suddenly occurred to me: I'm doing so much nurturing and caretaking now, the idea of doing it for a career exhausts me.

I've got two small children, a husband, two elderly parents, an elderly aunt... so we'll see what I decide to do when I'm actually able to go back to school.

Donations to my college fund are welcome. {wink}

I'm not sure I'll ever sleep again

I wasn't reading any true crime stories or anything, but I had the most horrible, most detailed dreams about a serial killer...

Very. Detailed.

This is not an auspicious way to start the week...

Guilty pleasure admittance ahead...

Once again, the Academy Awards show is upon us. I had forgotten that Jon Stewart was hosting this year; I was actually thinking of watching it for him.

It's 11:30pm, and what I'm doing is sitting on my laptop looking at pictures. My guilty pleasure is drooling over and criticizing the outfits.

My only problem is a lack of a person to babble to about this. So congratulations, you the reader get to hear it this year, because I feel like talking.

Judi Dench is such a classy lady. I like her outfit.

Felicity Huffman has A- cups; and that dress would probably go better on a woman with at least a LITTLE cleavage.

Selma Hayek, MROWR! Gorgeous color. Very flattering on her.

gotta go to bed... maybe more later.

amazing

The hospital has a guest wireless network. Bless them.

Note to all you parents and not-yet parents out there: HAVE MORE THAN ONE CHILD. When you get old, and need taking care of, your child will appreciate having siblings to call on for help.

And you siblings out there? If you have an elderly parent and one of your siblings lives in town and the rest of you don't, and something happens, you damn well should help in whatever way you can.

My brother is coming down next weekend, bless him.

And bless the friends & family around here who have helped out with my children while I'm trying to be a good daughter.

Those of you who pray

Please keep my father in your prayers/thoughts/meditations/whatever.

He fell Friday afternoon. He stayed home thru the weekend, but seemed to get progressively worse.

To make a long story short (cause I'm effing tired) he has a compound fracture of his L1 vertibra. He'll be in the hospital for at least 3 days and in rehab for "weeks" according to the doctor.

Not the best news for an 85 year old. Keep your fingers crossed.

It's crack!

Those of you familiar with J's incredibly yummy chicken salad can imagine the taste of this... those of you who aren't, GO MAKE THIS. SOOOOOOOOO good.

Chicken salad
In a big bowl, put:

3 large cans chunk chicken (white & dark in water)
12oz diced celery
6oz chopped walnuts (don't skimp!)
oregano (dried)
parsley (dried)
dill (fresh)
tarragon (whole leaves, dried)
celery salt
kosher salt
cracked black pepper
2 tbsp dill pickle juice
1/2 cup sweet pickle relish
2 tbsp brown mustard
at least 1 cup mayonnaise (adjust for consistency)

liberally salt and pepper the insides of four de-topped and scooped out green bell peppers, stuff with chicken salad, top with swiss cheese, broil in oven until cheese is bubbly.

Wow. Just, wow. And incredibly filling.

Gotta go run quick bath for kids. G'nite, y'all!

yummmm, pork loin

Patrick made us dinner at his place - one of the best pork loins I've eaten, which is saying something considering how well J cooks.

The entertainment for the evening, now that was something.

I have one thing to say about Napoleon Dynamite: wtf? And yes, the cymbal player at the Prism concert looked just like him.

Robots - now THAT was a trip! Of course, it was an underdog sort of film, so nobody's surprised that I liked it, I'm sure. Besides, it's got Robin Williams! How can you go wrong?

We went to the MagLab open house thing on Saturday - it was amazing, but not as much neat stuff as I was expecting. I was expecting something like a magnet hands-on display like what you'd see at a science museum for the kids. And J & I laughed about this, but it was weird nonetheless: I felt okay when I got there. Started feeling progressively worse. Finally felt so crappy I told J I was done, and we left. As soon as we left, I felt better. We couldn't help but wonder if the high magnetic fields were messing with my funky body chemistry. So, next time we go, I'll see if it happens again. Of course, it'll be hard to test, because I might make something happen psychosomatically... but what the hey.

Am taking the kids into the doctor today for a look-see. Let him listen to their chests, check their ears & throat, that kind of thing. They've been sick for a couple of weeks now, so while I figure it's a virus, he'll know if there's anything bacterial going around or whatnot. {looking at clock} Which means I'd better go hit the shower with Christian.

Some random comments for the day

BWAHAHAHAHAHA

About Cheney, Sen. Chuck Hagel of Nebraska (R): "If he'd been in the military, he would have learned gun safety."

Remember when Ann Coulter said the voters in Palm Beach County "stupid" and "feeble-minded"? She couldn't vote in the correct district herself! Hello, pot, this is kettle - YOU'RE BLACK.

Bob Cesca made a great point, which I'd like to restate here and add to.

The chances of you being killed by a terrorist attack on US soil is 1 in 88,000.

But you're more likely to die of....

Heart Disease:1-in-5
Cancer: 1-in-7
Stroke: 1-in-23
Accidental Injury: 1-in-36
Motor Vehicle Accident*: 1-in-100
Intentional Self-harm (suicide): 1-in-121
Falling Down: 1-in-246
Assault by Firearm: 1-in-325
Fire or Smoke: 1-in-1,116
Natural Forces (heat, cold, storms, quakes, etc.): 1-in-3,357
Electrocution*: 1-in-5,000
Drowning: 1-in-8,942
Air Travel Accident*: 1-in-20,000
Flood* (included also in Natural Forces above): 1-in-30,000
Legal Execution: 1-in-58,618
Tornado* (included also in Natural Forces above): 1-in-60,000
Lightning Strike (included also in Natural Forces above): 1-in-83,930

The more specific figures are based on 2001, the most recent year for which complete data are available. Other odds, indicated with an asterisk (*) are based on long-term data.
All figures are for U.S. residents.

According to the National Priority Project, using data from Congressional appropriations, the cost of the war in Iraq is currently about $242,029,505,571. (It will be higher by the time I finish typing this entry and click 'post') If we had spent that money in cancer research, motor vehicle safety, firearm safety, increasing healthy eating & excercise to reduce strokes & heart attacks, funding for fire fighters, swimming lessons, mental health support, building basements... we'd have saved more Americans and made the United States safer than what we're doing now.

You want to talk world-wide? You're more likely to die as a child from malnutrition & diarrheal diseases. We could put that money towards improving food production and distribution around the world, and funding medical access programs in third world countries...

*sigh*

woooooo!

There's a special place in heaven for Patrick, who has taken us to the Prism concert for two years in a row now. Or is it three?

I'm going to go all fangirl and write FSU and ask if the amazing marimba player would autograph my program. Then in a few years I can start looking for recordings by him or something.

heading to bed. Sort of. I'm down to 40KB on my harddrive, so I have to delete some things.

I think I'll make sure J takes multivitamins more often...

It's 9pm, and he's been asleep for half an hour or so. Maybe more. The kids are asleep, and I'm seriously contemplating going to bed too. If everybody in this house is asleep before 10pm, the devil better start knitting a sweater, you know?

Valentine's Day tomorrow - I hope it's a good day for everybody out there, whether you have a significant other or not.

AAAAAUUUUUUUUGH

spent all that time downloading the torrent, only to find out it was the wrong movie.

(#*&@(#$&!@(#@(&$#@#($*#(

And I was really in the mood to watch it, too. Have been for weeks now.



I'm going to bed. Hopefully I can leave the weekend's moodiness behind me and start tomorrow fresh.

OOOOOH, we're gaming Wednesday night! I'm so excited. I was thinking back; I'm not sure I've ever been able to finish a game - something always happened. J is DMing, and I can't wait to see how it goes - I think he's going to be really good. And a very close friend, whose reputation I don't want to damage by naming him here, is going to play with us! {SQUEEEEEEEE!}

For my Babu....

I'd just like to thank you
For all of the things you've done
I've been thinkin' about you
I just want to send my love

I send my best to you
That's my message of love
For all the things you did
I can never thank you enough

Feel like I'm falling
Falling off the face of the earth
Falling off the face of the earth
Feel like I'm falling
Falling off the face of the earth
Falling off the face of the earth

I just want to tell you
You sure mean a lot to me
It may sound simple
But you are the world to me

It's such a precious thing
The time we share together
I must apologize
For the troubled times

Feel like I'm falling
Falling off the face of the earth
Feel like I'm falling
Falling off the face of the earth
Falling off the face of the earth

Feel like I'm falling
Falling off the face of the earth
Falling off the face of the earth
Feel like I'm falling
Falling off the face of the earth

--- Neil Young, "Falling Off The Face Of The Earth"

late night musings

I was listening to Bush speak a few days ago; they were playing a clip wherein he said "I'm mindful of your civil liberties"

Does that strike anybody else the way it struck me? I wish I could find transcripts of, say, Clinton's speeches, and look for him saying something about civil liberties - the liberal in me bets that he would have said "OUR civil liberties."

I'm probably placing too much importance on this one little word, but it really seems to underscore the whole attitude that Bush seems to have of not being "one of us."

flotsam & jetsam from my brain

I think I use this blog more as a way to create some history for myself than anything else - my memory is so crappy that I have large holes, and while I can't seem to keep up with a journal well yet, I am managing to at least babble here occasionally so as not to lose track of everything...

What is the deal with all the cats lately? I frequently see possums, armadillos, even the occasional racoon roadkill - but in the last week or two I swear I've seen five times as many squished kitties as anything else.

I've introduced Moira to oatmeal toast, buttered & salted and dipped in milk. She's hooked too. {grin}

In an effort to allow my poor husband a good night's sleep, we have tried snore strips for me - which evidently work perfectly. I have to say, it's hard not to spiral down into depression when I think about that - I'm thirty, and I find things that make me more like my mother every day. God help me, you know?

On the bright side, Khang has turned over a new leaf, and I can't wait to go biking with him & his sister & J & Moose - he's biked down to St. Marks & back, which would probably kill J & I, we're so out of shape. Not that J & I can afford bikes right now, unfortunately. Nor a kid trailer, which would be cool. Altho I suddenly have a vague recollection that they rent bicycles down there.. hrm.

Have been working on the family web pages. I love Dreamweaver. iWeb is cool, but somewhat limited, I think. I'm beginning to get the hang of CSS just from looking at them - I should just take a few hours to actually look through a tutorial and I'd probably be set.

Is it cool or what that you can get an RSS feed from the Government Accountability Office for their reports et al?

I was at the concert so I missed the State of the Union address... not that I'm sure I could have stomached it anyway. I've never played a drinking game, but I was thinking about playing the SOTU drinking game at Fanatical Apathy.

Looks like there's a pretty strong storm band heading this way... which is nice in some ways (I love storms) but kinda sucky in others - J took the car today and I've got both kids here at the house; I was hoping to let them play outside some. *sigh*

So, I'm stuck at the house today with the kids and no car. I'd love some company, if any of you are in the mood.

OMFG

I haven't laughed so hard in days! You HAVE TO HEAR THIS.

In a performance that deserves an oscar nomination Keith Olbermann ridicules the Fox News poster child Bill O'Reilly.

Well, it was nice to get out of the house, anyway...

Went with my friend Paddy to see Son Volt last night at Club Down Under. The songs of Son Volt I've heard I've liked, but they sound different live. The recordings I heard have the singer(s)' voice(s) mixed in such a way that you hear the voices more than the instruments - but at the concert the instruments were WAY louder - which made the band sound more like a mix of REM, Toad the Wet Sprocket, and They Might Be Giants. (All of which I like, actually, but on recordings they sound more countryish, which is what I was expecting.) The main problem was that it was SO FUCKING LOUD. (Pardon my swearing, but it was awful.) The #($*@$@( sound guy kept turning up the volume - I wanted to go slap his hand and take over the board! Part of it was where we were sitting - I don't remember ever having been at Club Down Under before, but we were in the cave downstairs. Bad place to hear a band.

The opening act, however, was awesome. Patrick bought her CD - her name is Shannon McNally and I really like her too. (She's not hard to look at, either. {grin} Patrick joked that he's going to become her stalker.)

J was an unbelievable sweetie; he volunteered to stay home & watch the kids since last time he got to go out without me - he even got both of them asleep! And Christian didn't cry himself sick! WOOHOO!!! I've said it before and I'll say it again - lucky, lucky me.

Moira is back at school today after being kinda sick yesterday - I let her get lots of sleep; hopefully that nipped it in the bud.

Now to get busy with the fifty million things on my to-do list. TTFN!

Actually spoken in the course of my day

"The most fun you can have with an accordion and a drum machine"


I'm so excited! I wish I didn't feel so much like I'd been run over by a semi

which reminds me of that recent accident near gainesville where a semi killed 7 kids in one family and when the grandfather heard about it he had a heart attack and died...

Sometimes having a brain that works so well with association is a curse.

As my son climbs on my chest and knees me in the eyeball.

What was I saying again?

Stanford lectures on iTunes! I'm never going to sleep again.

Well, whatever I was going to say, it's been lost in the pile that is kids, husband, Hazy Shade of Winter by S&G, and the typical storm of 50 million things in my head.

Drat, forgot it was Tuesday

Came by so the kids could see Paw-paw, but dad's at art class today. Oops.

The kids are asleep in the back seat. I'm sitting in the car running the battery down listening to the radio and trying to charge my cellphone some.

I thought of the COOLEST web application ever. You know how you can go to maps.yahoo.com and get driving directions from point a to point b? Wouldn't it be awesome for geeks like us to be able to put that into a program and have it tell us what NPR stations are along the way? Because I have to say, it really stinks when you're in the middle of listening to some great discussion on NPR, and then you lose the radio signal, and you don't know what the next NPR station is (assuming there is one!) and have to hunt around and hope you run into it before you miss too much...

I don't know if I mentioned that I had to bury my parents' cat Shadow a little while back. My family has always gotten their pets by fate dumping them on our doorsteps. Evidently fate has informed the ether that my parents are petless, because a cat has shown up at their house. Not just shown up at the house, but run into the house uninvited! Mom managed to lure it outside with a bowl of food, but of course that means that it now comes back regularly. It jumps from the porch railing to hang on the kitchen window screen and ask for food.

The wedding this past weekend and the long trip to and from gave me & J a long time to talk and think - I've decided to go back to school. I'm going to finish my bachelor's degree - my friend Robin suggested Interdisciplinary Sciences which would lead in perfectly to what I'm thinking about doing afterwards. I'm still shy about talking about it, but I'm really excited.

So I'm now going to go do some research on what's available in terms of online classes, financial aid, etc. etc. etc.... Donations welcome!

Speechless

It's not often that you catch me at a loss for words. Seeing Erin in her wedding dress was one of those times. Watching the look on Matthew's face when he saw her for the first time as she walked down the aisle. It happened a lot today, actually.

Best. Wedding. EVER.

I have to say, I wish I had girlfriends like these bridesmaids. What an incredible group of intelligent, mature, sane, hysterically funny and pretty darn attractive chicks! I'm seriously thinking about trying to keep in touch with them. The groomsmen were great, too - Moira took a shine to Michael immediately, for which I don't blame her. George warmed up into an amazing sweetie, and Evan and his new wife were adorable. I heard that the three or them at one point were singing Harvard fight songs - George is evidently a piano virtuoso, and they were doing 3 part harmonies - I would have LOVED to be there for that! It was even great fun hanging out with Dustin again - as J says, he's a great guy; J can only take him in small doses. I can understand that. :) Catherine was there - I've gotta spend more time with her when we get back to Tally. And Sarah! Geez; I wish I'd spent more time with her in high school!

I've never been so honored to be a part of something. The preacher was awesome; J & I are sad he's all the way up here in St. Louis! So hard to find a preacher you like, you know? The church was GORGEOUS, and the place where the reception was held was incredible. The entire bridal party rode to the reception in a limo! That was great fun. A whole weekend of firsts for me! First time in St. Louis, first time as a bridesmaid, first time in a limo, first time at a head table... no snow, but I'm actually okay with that. There will be other opportunities.

The kids were awesome. Charmed the pants off just about everybody. Incredibly patient and laid back. And fucking adorable, if I do say so myself. The evening was a little more complicated with them, but everybody was very generous and accommodating and so it wasn't a gigantic issue. At the end of it all, though, I was so exhausted that it took me a while to walk to the car in the parking lot when we left. J was an enormous help with the kids; I am so lucky to have such a good partner.

I can't wait to see the pictures. We're probably taking the kids to the zoo here tomorrow (they've got some really nifty stuff here it sounds like!) and then we're heading back to Tennessee. Flying would have been less complicated, but then we wouldn't have been able to see J's grandparents, which is wonderful. It's really nice to be able to spend time with them when it's not Christmas and there aren't 30 people there. :)

It's 8am my time (so 7am here) and I'm going to try to go back to sleep. I'm still pretty exhausted. I would have loved to get together with Catherine et al when they got back to the hotel, but I was having trouble standing upright, I was that tired.

Oh, and BTW - J looked incredibly handsome in his tux. I wasn't too bad either, I'm told.

I forgot what I was going to say...

In St. Louis. Having a great time. Had some amazingly cool thought I wanted to share whilst driving up. Can't remember it right now. Maybe after getting some rest it'll come back to me.

I'm so excited about tomorrow!!!! I can't wait.

snnnnzzzzxxxxxx

Yet another reason why I need to get back into chorus

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5159728

Happy MLKJr Day

Yesterday I attempted my first baked good with gluten-free flour. I used soy flour for peanut butter cookies. Big hit! Both J & Patrick loved them. They tasted better cooked than raw, actually - that raw soy taste is a bit overwhelming.

Good day yesterday. J picked up some rye wasa at the store and came back to feed me smoked salmon, cream cheese & capers on wasa for breakfast. Yummmmmm. And mimosas!

The house is mostly clean, too - there's some clutter from the kids yesterday that I need to jump on before it multiplies. Our bedroom is a disaster area, but I'm hoping to work on that today. I really want my desk cleaned off so I can work at it!

So if you'd like to come over & play, please do - I'm carless today, and I'm thinking about making a big southern breakfast.

Wooohoo! drunk post!

What a wonderful night. Patrick bought me a bottle of Riesling. All for myself. That and a glass (or more, as J says Patrick kept refilling it) of red and I am hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Duck. Duck yummy. Clusters & Hops, wow. LAVOSH!

Going to snuggle with little boy. No nursing!

Is it 2006 already?

Time flies when you're alive.

I lay here on the bed on my stomach; my incredibly wonderful cat curled up between my arms & the laptop, listening to my sleeping son breathe a foot away, reading what I hope is not a trainwreck in progress.

I'm turning thirty one this year. Some days I look back on my past and wonder who that woman - girl? - was. Some days I know all too well. There are things about me that are nothing like my former self, and things that I wonder if they'll ever change, as they haven't yet.

Many people when getting to know me now find it mind boggling that I had been married three times before I was thirty. People who have known me for 10+ years probably aren't all that surprised. I forget who called me a serial monogamist. In those three marriages (and intermittent affairs and mini-relationships) since I was 15 or so, I have pretty much run the gamut. I'm very glad to be where I am, and not where I was. There is plenty that I'd change, if I had it to do over again - but those experiences have helped make me who I am today, and I'm actually pretty happy with who I am today, so who knows...

So as I read, I relive my past experiences, and think to myself "yeah, I remember that.... I remember that.... I remember being there.... god, I hope the pattern breaks down at some point." I'm crossing my fingers that this time it will turn out differently.

Crossing my fingers, but not holding my breath.

Good luck, everybody. I hope you beat the odds. You're welcome to chat with me either way.

Great.

There's nothing quite like starting the day by your three year old saying to you as you're getting into the shower "You're fat!"


*sigh*

I've almost recovered from it.

Between that, and putting on the bridesmaid's dress I'm wearing in oh, 11 days, it was an ego destroying day. I've decided to eat nothing but salad and yoghurt until I go to St. Louis.

And not look at any more pictures of myself when I was 19.

Take it down a notch

Part of having Borderline Personality Disorder is a tendency to take things to extremes. (Those of you who know me are going "No shit, sherlock!") I have a very hard time disengaging from the woes of the world. Lately I've gotten much better, but when adolescence hit, I agonized over food I didn't eat because of starving people in the world, took turns weeping and railing in fury over injustices I saw everywhere, tore myself up over trying to figure out if people could change, and wondering overall what the hell was wrong with people.

My counselor says I take too much ownership of things. So does my mother-in-law, actually.

For a while I'd swung back in the other direction, at least in some ways. I became a hedonistic, mostly selfish person who had moments of extreme self-loathing, and other moments of extreme overextending myself for other people in some sort of effort to compensate. (You notice the extreme theme here again, yes?)

Anyway, I wasn't planning on getting into all this. Having a loving, stable relationship with a husband who is at the same time patient but not a doormat has helped me level out somewhat. (As has Zoloft, woohoo.) Having two children to focus on helps too.

The current administration and recent news does not help at all.

I wish Billy Joel would update his "We Didn't Start the Fire" song - think of the verses he could come up with with all the crap going on right now! Iraq, the WMDs that weren't, DeLay, Abramoff, Valerie Plame, NSA spying domestically - and this doesn't include the millions of small idiocies and scandals that fly under the radar. I think I'm developing an ulcer.

I'm reminding myself that I have things to take care of, but that voice in my head that so frequently manages to find something wrong with me says that I should be doing more.

I was writing this post to try to calm my fury. I've succeeded in smothering it into the cold ashes of tired semi-depression. I'm not sure that's an improvement.

Happy New Year, everybody

It's only the fifth, and it's alerady been a hectic year. Or it feels like it to me, anyway. I am once more reminded of my intense desire to have twelve or so of me to get everything done. I'm hoping that my attempts at organizing the household and reminding myself what is and is not a reasonable expectation will improve my sanity this year.

I had an interesting dream night before last... two old schoolmates from middle school were in it, and in the dream they were the kind of close friends I've always wanted. I felt totally comfortable with them, we knew we cared about each other, we were mature, dependable people - no baggage, no drama, no bullshit. We remembered each others' birthdays, likes, dislikes, spouses' birthdays, children's ages...

My counselor reminds me that these years are the hardest; young children, buying a house, etc.

why did I come home again?

good question.

The joys of parenthood

I never realized how hard it would be to find those little metal buckets (you know the ones I mean; about 3 1/2 inches high, you see them stuffed with candy as a teacher present or whatever) or even just little plastic flowerpots! I mean, jeez! Dollar General - no. Ace Hardware - no. Target - no. Walmart - had some smallish plastic flowerpots, and some miniature washtubs, but none of those little buckets.

Washtubs it is.

So while I'm looking for little metal buckets, or little plastic flowerpots, we run into an old - I guess she's a friend; or used to be a friend. Gah. She's okay, just carries baggage with her from the past that I'd just as soon skip.

J sent me this AWESOME link - said he figured it was right up my alley, and that it reminded him of me, too. I went and read it.
WOW WOW WOW WOW
It's like - the me that could have been. I *wistful sigh* used to be a perfect size 6. Before I got happily married, mothered and domesticated, I had considered becoming a Geisha... and the brain on this chick! Here, go read her: Elle Wakefield

One of the links on her blog led me here: Nationmaster. She was talking about how the US spends more on defense than all the other countries of the world COMBINED, which was bad enough... I started poking around, looking at other statistics. I took a look at percentage of GDP spent on education by different countries, and just about swallowed my tongue.

WE COME AFTER LIBERIA? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We come FORTY SEVENTH:
#1 Moldova 10.3%
#2 Namibia 8.5%
#3 Denmark 7.7%
#4 South Africa 7.5%
#5 Uzbekistan 7.4%
#6 Barbados 7.3%
#7 Saudi Arabia 7.2%
#8 Sweden 7.1%
#9 Finland 7%
#10 New Zealand 6.9%
#11 Botswana 6.9%
#12 Norway 6.9%
#13 Israel 6.9%
#14 Jamaica 6.8%
#15 Cuba 6.7%
#16 Tunisia 6.6%
#17 Saint Lucia 6.5%
#18 Ukraine 6.4%
#19 Lesotho 6.4%
#20 Estonia 6.4%
#21 Jordan 6.4%
#22 Seychelles 6.3%
#23 Latvia 6.1%
#24 Congo, Democratic Republic of the 5.9%
#25 Ireland 5.7%
#26 Libya 5.7%
#27 France 5.6%
#28 Slovenia 5.4%
#29 Belarus 5.4%
#30 Australia 5.2%
#31 Fiji 5.2%
#32 Lithuania 5.2%
#33 Swaziland 5.1%
#34 Dominica 5%
#35 Austria 5%
#36 Venezuela 5%
#37 Netherlands 4.9%
#38 Macedonia, The Former Yugoslav Republic of 4.9%
#39 Liberia 4.9%
#40 Hungary 4.9%
#41 Morocco 4.9%
#42 Bolivia 4.8%
#43 Panama 4.8%
#44 Belize 4.8%
#45 Saint Vincent and the Grenadines 4.7%
#46 United Kingdom 4.7%
#47 United States 4.7%
(Caveat: this data is from 1990-99.)

fever dreams...

Middle school sucked. Add Higgins (from Magnum PI) as your French teacher, and then have him teaching you art that day. Add pissed off new student who gets upset with Higgin's evaluation of her French skills and proceeds to beat the living dogsh*# out of him.

There was lots more, but the mental image that stays with me is sitting in a room in the teachers-only area with my mother (the science teacher) and Higgins, picking fragments of the bicycle (that the girl used to help beat him with) out of his skin with tweezers from my keychain multitool.

It doesn't FEEL like winter...

I want one of these!

While putting the kids to bed tonight, I had a couple of interesting invention ideas.

For deaf people, a wristwatch that has an alarm function that rather than beeping, pokes you. Some sort of mechanical mechanism that makes bumps stick out rather than a beep, or vibrates, or maybe a tiny shock or something - great for deaf people or people who want a silent alarm that isn't obvious say, in a meeting, or in a movie...

altho, now that I think about it, I think I can do that with my cellphone. Hrm.

Altho a deaf person wouldn't have a cellphone, now that I re-read it.

Anyway, the other idea I had (as I was trying to put the kids to bed and the damn phone kept ringing) was some sort of device that you could connect between the phones and the wall (like the DSL filters we have) that had a centrally located button that you could push that would prevent the phones from ringing. ('cause if you've got 5 phones in the house, it's a pain to go around and turn all the ringers off, and if you take the phone off the hook, then nobody can get thru.) When a person called it would answer and say "we're currently trying to put the children to bed, if this is an emergency please press 1, otherwise please leave a message and we'll call you back." so if they pressed 1, the phones would ring, and if not, it would forward them to your voice mail.

Dinner party yesterday was awesome - and our house is gorgeous, and the food was incredible, and I had about 7 people not come, but all the rest were there and it was wonderful.

J & Patrick are still working, so I have the house to myself... it's kinda nice; clean, decorated for christmas house, I got the kids to bed & asleep by 8:30... quiet, calming...

*contented sigh*

I've taken this before, but it's interesting to see what's changed since then...

Your Results:

The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.

Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.

1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2. Liberal Quakers (96%)
3. Neo-Pagan (89%)
4. New Age (86%)
5. Mahayana Buddhism (82%)
6. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (81%)
7. Theravada Buddhism (80%)
8. Reform Judaism (75%)
9. Secular Humanism (72%)
10. Bahá'í Faith (69%)
11. New Thought (69%)
12. Taoism (67%)
13. Orthodox Quaker (66%)
14. Scientology (66%)
15. Jainism (64%)
16. Sikhism (62%)
17. Nontheist (58%)
18. Hinduism (57%)
19. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (50%)
20. Orthodox Judaism (47%)
21. Islam (46%)
22. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (40%)
23. Seventh Day Adventist (37%)
24. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (31%)
25. Eastern Orthodox (23%)
26. Roman Catholic (23%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (15%)

My mother, bless her Roman Catholic soul, would probably be saddened to learn that it barely made the list. (Of course, I doubt her test results would make R.C. the top choice either.)

What a week

Colonoscopy, sick kids, sick me...

Reminds me of a joke.

"bitch, bitch, bitch...
whine, whine, whine...
You wanted a puppy, so I got you a puppy
you wanted a baby, so I got you a baby
now the puppy eats the baby and what do you do?
bitch, bitch, bitch...
whine, whine, whine!"

Anyway. Hope everyone out there is survivng well & happily; Let's go out & have coffee some time.

Shower thoughts...

Got up early today; am planning on taking M to school and then coming back to take J for his colonoscopy. Poor man - he said he might not be able to be that far away from a bathroom, or he'd come with me.

While I was washing my hair, I had a sudden thought.

I'm going to run for elected office.

(I have a lot of hair, so I had a lot of time to think about this in the shower.)

After reading the latest news about who's taken money from Abramoff, how pork is attached to bills, how congressmen vote for bills having hardly read them, or read just the summaries.... hell, I can do a better job than that.

I'm crazy, you say? Welll, yes, but evidently 18% of the American people will have a mental disorder at some point in their lives, so at least I'm representative of the population, you know?

Sordid past - yup. So what? I definitely learned from my mistakes.

Kids are awake - gotta go get them ready to go. What do you think?

Note to self:

colonoscopies are not for the faint of heart.

Not because having a camera shoved up your ass is less than enjoyable, but because hyperosmotic laxatives are fucking evil.

I can't wait for the weekend.

Bleah

This is the second or third time I've opened up this web page to make an entry, and gone "eh..." and ended up closing it without typing anything.

I had two moments of cheerfulness on the way home this afternoon - drove through two rainbows! I think Moira saw them when I pointed to them, too. I'm not sure.

I'm at that place in my life when I'd like to make a few friends so I have somebody to talk with during the day - but the idea of going out and meeting new people is exhausting. People suck, as a general rule, and I just don't have the energy to use on sucky people right now.

Speaking of sucky people, if I ever doubted it, I now have proof that karma really does come back around.

My Adiumy is a turkey wearing a pilgrim hat.

I think I'm going to see if I can find any sane, mature people who want to play some sort of role playing game. I was looking over the 3.5 edition players' handbook last night... interesting new stuff. J also showed me Victoriana which I think I'd enjoy.

Moira is still sick. She's evidently like me when I was a kid - get a cold; develop a secondary ear infection. *sigh*

It's a wonderful rainy November day here - not very cold; great napping weather. I'm hoping to get both kids asleep so I can check out for a little while.

I'm looking forward to my date on Saturday! I didn't even realize it, but the new Harry Potter is coming out, and J's taking me to the movies! Hopefully our babysitter is available.

More babbling another time.

Does this make me a soccer mom?

Christmas came early!

This should make the trips to Tennessee this Christmas and St. Louis in January much more comfortable. :)

EEEEEEEEEE!!!

As I sit here working on our family webpage, J is playing Neverwinter Nights - he's playing a druid with a hawk companion.

Heeheeheehee

I can't wait to start playing!

It's been so long, I'd forgotten what it was like...

Euphemisms are a wonderful thing.

Am slogging through the days lately. So much to do, so little energy. Sometimes my brain is revving at 300+mph, and sometimes I'm in neutral. It's been hard on the transmission.

Had weird dreams last night. Probably hormone inspired. It was old home night; there were many many many people from my past in this dream. Oddly enough, though, it wasn't a BAD dream.

Wow I'm tired. I wonder if the kids will let me get a nap today.

shower thoughts

Was thinking about what I heard on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me earlier - the Journey song that became the theme song for the Chicago White Sox - after they won the world series, there were probably a ton of fans who ran out and bought it.

And then I thought no, they probably ran home and downloaded it.

And then I thought you know, I think the peer to peer sharing network thing is karmic retribution to the music industry for all those decades of fucking over the artists.

Just a glimpse into how my train of thought works.

And there's the caboose!

Happy Fitzween

I don't feel it's Fitzmas yet. I'm hoping for more. Because I don't think Libby did it on his own.

As my friend said - one rat bastard down...

I wish I could put this on a bumpersticker

This makes some excellent points and would probably remind some people of some of the facts they have forgotten. So, all you supporters of the Iraq war, read on:

".....
Yesterday, the President also said:

"Some have also argued that extremism has been strengthened by the actions of our coalition in Iraq, claiming that our presence in that country has somehow caused or triggered the rage of radicals. I would remind them that we were not in Iraq on September the 11th, 2001 -- and al Qaeda attacked us anyway. The hatred of the radicals existed before Iraq was an issue, and it will exist after Iraq is no longer an excuse."

.....
let's just deal with facts and the way that they are perceived in the Arab world. America (and it various partners) were in Iraq before 9/11. We virtually occupied Kuwait militarily and had a presence in much of the Gulf region, including the Islamic epicenter Saudi Arabia, as part of our decade-long containment and confrontation with Saddam Hussein. We operated CIA paramilitaries and special operations forces throughout the Kurdish zone (Iraqi territory), collecting intelligence, fomenting coups, supporting an insurgency against Baghdad. We were bombing Iraq regularly as part of our enforcement of the southern and northern no fly zones, and we were carrying out even larger bombing campaigns to support United Nations inspections or to exact unilateral retribution. We were doggedly maintaining sanctions until Iraq cried uncle.

So yes, "the hatred of the radicals" existed before Iraq was an issue, mister President, but Iraq was an issue.

Virtually every 9/11 hijacker, virtually every suicide bomber and insurgent in Iraq today grew up in a world where the stand-off in Iraq symbolized a war with the Arab world. Load on top of that a far more consequential concern about the plight of the Palestinian people, and mix in grievances about the bombings of Afghanistan and Sudan, the notions of occupations in Somalia and Kosovo, civilian casualties always framed as America's fault, even the atomic bombing of Hiroshima.

The common theme is the impunity of America and the subjugation of the Arab and Islamic (and the powerless) to the western world.

And now in societies where half of the population is under the age of 15, it is not regime change and the grand democratic experiment in Iraq that resonates: it is fighting the omnipotent.

The White House and much of Washington continues to be stuck in a post 9/11 nightmare where I believe the groupthink imagines a monumental threat to the United States and western society that just doesn't exist.

Yes, President Bush, extremism will exist after Iraq. It is made all the more potent and rewarding as we bumble about labeling it "evil" and ignoring what it feeds on.

We may fantasize about a great crusade we are embarked upon, but our greatest danger in the future is a tin ear we also have to Islam's and al Qaeda's equal fantasies. Their fantasies, and our actions, like it or not, drive the violence all around us."



Pass it on.

We're done!!!!

*Dance about, clap hands with glee*

Not only did we finish getting the last of our crap out of the old house last night at midnight thirty, but I get home and get to take a luxurious shower whilst my husband tells me that 50% of people polled think that if Bush lied about the reasons for war in Iraq that he should be impeached. And yes, before you ask, there WERE republicans that were asked. 20% of them said yes. *grin*

Now I just have to figure out our budget and try to get rid of a few bills. *sigh*

News update!

Jeremy must be part cat, because I think he just used up one of his nine lives.

He's at home. From the ICU. He's got a broken wrist, and has to go to the neurologist to check him out because of the brain swelling. He said he has a killer headache, but otherwise seems in good shape.

Fucking amazing.

And I don't have to beat the shit out of him for riding in the back of a truck, either - he was sitting on the side chatting while the truck was idling; the driver didn't realize he was sitting there and floored it, which of course sent Jeremy flying.

I feel much better now.

I'd be screaming in frustration if I had the energy

God I wish we were done moving.

*sorta collapses into bed*

Did I mention I had a really bizarre dream night before last that I seduced Mel Gibson & he fell for me? 'Course, I was way hotter in my dream than I am in real life at the moment. I looked like my 19 yr old self. Ironically, when I was 19, I had a mental impression of my body that I was fat & unattractive. Now that I'm 30, every time I look in the mirror I am shocked that I don't look like the 20 yr old that the inside of my head still expects to see... I look more like the mental impression of myself that I had when I was 19. What a gyp.

Anyway, today was interesting. Stayed up way too fricking late reading comics, news, setting up NewsFire, etc. last night. M woke me up around 6 or 7... I think I managed to get both of them back to sleep at about 10. We were all originally going out to dinner to celebrate my dad's 85th birthday, but Sue's husband Jim (who also just had a birthday) was sick and so they couldn't go, and mom said she had too many papers to grade, and it's parents' weekend at FSU and there's a football game, so it would be hell at any restaurant, etc. - so J says he wants to go cook dinner for dad instead.

Some of J's boss's family lives in New Hampshire, and he'd given us homemade dark maple syrup (damn, is it good), so J made a pecan crusted pork loin that had been brined in Strongbow cider & maple syrup. Black eyed peas, greens, dad made cornbread (yes, we asked the birthday boy to make the cornbread - nobody else's is as good), J & I made this absofuckinglutely DIVINE salad - roma tomatoes, yellow tomatoes, shallots, roasted garlic clove antipasto, some sweet onion, lemon juice, and salt/pepper/spices - I'm drooling just thinking of it. Italian creme cake for dessert (dad really liked it; I was proud of picking out something different for him this year rather than a german chocolate cake like always - this might even become a new favorite!) and then we got out the music.

It was a wonderful evening. M was dancing to Tom T. Hall, Boots Randolph, the Louvin Brothers, Dylan (played Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre for mom, who laughed out loud at it), Marty Robbins... J sat down with dad and played him some great music, which I loved to see.

After dinner and dessert, while J & dad were listening to music in the living room, I actually remembered to take the compost can out for dad - however, either the liner of this can is leaking, or something had slipped between the liner and the can, because when I lifted it out it was positively COATED in eggs and maggots. EEEEEWWWW. Fortunately I'm not squeamish, so I picked up the handles and was taking it outside when one of the handles came off and the can crashed to the floor. It remained upright, so there wasn't rotten produce to clean up - but a whole lot of maggots had gotten shaken loose onto the floor. EEEEEWWWWW So I'm now trying to figure out a way to get maggots off a linoleum floor. It's a bamboo green color, and mom couldn't see the maggots, so I was trying to get them up - let me tell you, best method I found: broom and dustpan. Maggots are kinda cylindrical, so they roll into the dustpan like little squirmy rice grains. (Once they were in the dustpan mom could definitely see them, and was massively grossed out.) Mom jokes about it being an ending to a wonderful evening - and then the phone rings.

It's the 2nd grade teacher at mom's school (who, btw, was MY second grade teacher, and whose birthday is the same day as mine) who mom (indeed, my entire family) has been friends with for years. I'm in the living room, and I hear mom say in that voice that is not like any other, "Oh My God... Oh My God..." So I drift towards her to make sure she's okay and to find out what's up.

Most of you probably don't know this, but I used to tutor children. Math and science, mostly. Jeremy was a kid I tutored in science - he was smart, could be a sweetie, could also be somewhat ignorant - came from a conservative family, I think - anyway, not Nobel Peace Prize brilliant here, but definitely had potential. Lazy and disorganized, so I kinda identified with him. ;) He was a ninth grader this year. He was riding in the back or on the side of a pickup truck, and fell out - he has massive brain damage and they're not sure if he's going to survive.

I used to think I was cold & unfeeling. I've never had anybody REALLY close to me die - kids I'd gone to school with, friends of my parents, my ex-husband's grandmother... and while it was sad, I never really felt deeply touched. First time I saw my dad cry was pretty rough... and when Daniel's dad died in a car accident I felt awful for Daniel, but didn't really know his dad... but none of it was personal. Perhaps it's because I'm now a mother; I have a son. I knew Jeremy's mom. I'd kidded her about keeping Jeremy on his toes with his homework, prodding him to be organized... I'd chatted with Jeremy and two girls he hung out with/dated, and gotten an interesting glimpse into the life of a young adult... I can't imagine what his mother is going through right now, but in some ways, I can...

And after leaving my parents' house, both J & I admitted to having premonitions that dad won't make it to his next birthday... hell, I had the feeling he wouldn't make it to tomorrow morning. I hope we're wrong on that one.

So, off to soothe my son back to sleep for the 2nd or 3rd time tonight... having a stuffed up nose sucks, poor guy.

I love Friday nights

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people are so frustrating

Creationists VS Evolutionists - stupid argument; one does not negate the other (unless you read the bible literally, which I think is goofy)

Pro-life VS Pro-choice - again, stupid argument; I think once the egg is fertilized it is a potential human life, and I'm loathe to knowingly disturb it or negatively influence its odds of survival - however, having learned something from history, I know that making abortion illegal will not help reduce the number of abortions, but instead will result in higher # of womens' deaths - so why don't all you people screaming on one side or another put even HALF that much energy into improving birth control and education? You are never, NEVER going to get everybody to agree on one side or the other, so let's just make it a moot point by attempting to insure that there are no unwanted pregnancies in the first place, hrm?

War on Drugs - dammit, don't any of these people read history books? Remember what happened with Prohibition? An underground black market was created and organized crime took strong root across America. If drugs were legalized, then a good chunk of the money and violence would be removed from the equation - nhow often do you see people killing each other over cigarettes? (to use another addictive drug as an example). You could ensure quality product (eliminating overdoses due to misdosing, poisoning, etc.) and could collect tax on the sale of the drugs to use for education and drug abuse counseling. Making drugs legal would probably cut the population in our prisons in half.

So tired... falling asleep sitting up reading/typing.

You know you're a homeowner when...

you spend an hour or two taking off and replacing the faucets that connect to the washing machine.

We've gotten SO much done today, it's wonderful. The utility room is almost completely set up, the den is half done, the bedroom is half done, the kids' bedroom is 3/4 done, the playroom is half done... I'm going to sit at my desk and put things away in it while listening to Says You, and then it's bathtime, then bedtime!

So much going on

so tired...

took and picked up J & M from work and school, respectively
spent almost 2 hours cleaning toys in hot bleach water
got father-in-law's truck out of long-term parking at airport, loaded it up at old house - haven't fully unloaded it yet.
got oil changed in car
took carload of stuff from old house to new house earlier
was going to renew tag & change address on drivers' license, but too broke - will have to wait
got to hang out with my sister-in-law and let the kids run & play in father-in-law's backyard on new swingset while waiting for step-mother-in-law to get home so I could get truck key


So many things to talk about... Delay's indictment... fire in LA... looming civil war in Iraq... Katrina cleanup & rebuilding... my original bet of 15 named storms this hurricane season has been blown away (and J thought I was nuts, ha!) - we're at 17 now; wonder how many more are coming?... Supreme Court Chief Justice sworn in... wonder who W will appoint to replace O'Connor... stupid court case in Kansas about Intelligent Design (News flash people: SCIENCE DOES NOT NEGATE GOD. SCIENCE DOES NOT DISCUSS GOD. THE CREATOR IS OUTSIDE THE PURVIEW OF SCIENCE. STOP FEELING THREATENED, AND STOP ASKING US TO TEACH ABOUT GOD IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS. Teach about God at home.)... the FBI has created a new anti-obscenity task force - I guess the country is secure and the War on Terror is over... Tallahassee is debating joining a coal-burning power plant that won't help solve the problem of the energy we need in the next 7 years, and when it does come online will only provide a small fraction of the power we need in the area, at the expense of the health of anybody nearby... J has shown me nifty cool stuff at www2.meebo.com and www.writely.com... I've not had a chance to go play any of those games, and muse, did you delete your blog?... if the US was serious about becoming energy independent they'd crank up either incentives for better gas mileage in all cars or penalties/requirements for better gas mileage... they'd grant tax breaks etc. to alternative fuel users/developers... they'd create a nationwide decent rail system and encourage decent efficient local mass transportation... and it's sad, because being energy independent is a major part of our national security... has Abramoff been arrested yet?... the Republicans are crooks... no surprise... the Democrats are crooks... well, duh, they're all politicians... we're living in a plutocracy, and if you don't know what that means, you're part of the ignorant masses that have allowed it to get this bad... of course, the founding fathers created a representative government because they knew the masses were ignorant... I feel like watching Mr. Smith Goes To Washington again... campaign finance reform is urgently needed... wonder if the Republicans will manage to kill CPB this time around... no fat left to cut in the federal budget? please!... How much of what the federal government is doing should it actually be doing? I mean, based on the Constitution... why is it that Christian Conservatives support us going to war in Iraq and want us to create a democracy over there, rather than letting a bunch of radical Islamic fundamentalists create a theocracy - but they want to create a theocracy over HERE, and it's the same God?... I want to put a bumpersticker on my car that says "God gave you a brain, USE IT"... when did it become unpatriotic to point out when somebody is full of shit?... when did logic stop functioning as usual?... if we want to cut fat in the federal budget, how about any senators/representatives/presidents/vice presidents that are millionaires forgo their paycheck?... Republicans talk about "Tax and Spend Democrats" but they've become the "Don't Tax but Spend Anyway And The Next 4 Generations Will Pay For It" party themselves... when will a third political party step up to the plate and tell it like it is? Now's a great time! Republicants are hurting, Democraps are quiet - I say the Common Sense Party has a PERFECT opening right now... dammit, will I EVER stop ripping my nails off? At this rate I'm going to look awful for Matthew & Erin's wedding - fat, face splotchy, hair limp with lots of dead ends, and stubby rough nails... *sigh*...

It's now midnight and I have to get up early. Stream of consciousness writing always felt weird to me. I think I'll try it again and see how it flows. No sign of Cyborgirl yet... and now muse is missing...